"I'm actually a plain clothes police officer here to protect you, haha yeah I guess I am one of the good guys"
witch: *turns me into a frog* now suffer
me: *chilling on a leaf*
me: *experiencing happiness for the first time in my life*
witch: wait no
A woman has been murdered and I’m seeing men asking if she was drunk, why did she not take a taxi, why was she alone, what was she wearing etc. THIS is the fucking issue!!! Women should be able to do what they want without fear that they won’t make it home.
So my mom saw that her eggs were missing at work so she posted this note. Later some white dude came to her stressed af for the antidote thinking he was going to die 😭😭😭 ngl this is geniYxf
Tell me you're a woman in the UK walking alone at night, without telling me that you're a woman in the UK walking alone at night.
imagine if everyone was tweeting that robbers were bad and i jumped into their replies, furiously arguing that i’m not a robber. i reckon you’d be like “hmm that guy seems like a robber.”
Piers Morgan getting rejected by Meghan Markle after a date one time explains literally everything
Don’t walk home but don’t get a taxi and don’t use public transportation. Don’t refuse to go out with men because they deserve a chance and don’t leave early but don’t go home alone after dark and don’t carry protection because that’s offensive but why didn’t you defend yourself.
This self-made billionaire explains how he made his first billion:
1) wake up at the same time every day
2) wear the same clothes to reduce decision fatigue
3) exercise in the morning
4) stay off social media
5) ᵖᵃʳᵉⁿᵗˢ ᵒʷⁿ ᵃⁿ ᵉᵐᵉʳᵃˡᵈ ᵐᶦⁿᵉ
6) eat 3 meals a day
Goldilocks was crazy I love her..imagine breaking into someones house and being like. Umm this chair fucking sucks
every woman knows it’s not all men. but we don’t know WHICH men. so we stay wary of ALL men. it’s not rocket science
I wanna smoke with king julien from Madagascar
humans really had the creative freedom to make any reality they wanted and we chose racism and credit scores
The “Leave Britney alone” dude was right all along. History will look kindly upon him.
my daughter said “it’s cold, but it’s a beautiful day.” ppl w no bills are so positive.
The year is 2045. The national currency is no longer GBP. Instead, it’s GBC - The Great British Clap. Everything is paid for.. in claps.