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Zach Crocker
Somebody likes my shoulder ❤️
Pick your poison. Who do you want to win the Super Bowl this year - the cheating #Patriots or the drug addicts #Seahawks?
I tried listening to "Airplanes" for the first time in a couple of years and I'm still so sick of it.
To not even have The Lego Movie up for best animated film should be the biggest story of all.
You can't say Selma got "snubbed" because it's obviously going to win Best Picture anyway since it's about African American civil rights.
I love Oscar season, but this year's nominees suck! I don't know if I will even put an effort into watching them all this time around.
I can't even with American Horror Story right now.
Is it me or are the school systems becoming softies when it comes to snow? Snow days were rare back when I was in school!
Accidentally bought the wrong lotto ticket at the gas station. Thought it would be a good omen that I was meant to win. Nope, still poor.
#FunFact : A Jack Daniels ad came on Spotify after I listened to Scott Stapp, who almost committed suicide after drinking a bottle of it. :D
Stop saying how well you did in the regular season when you lose a playoff game. Come up with another BS diversion, you Cowboy whiners.
I just got all six characters in Trivia Crack on one turn! Definitely my proudest moment.
The next Taken sequel should be called Taken 4 A Ride. (Say this @ a neighborhood mixer & all the dads will high five and pee their khakis)
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
Went to GCC today to get my textbook for my Pop Culture class and this is what I got! LOL! #Community
We can find hidden tombs and evidence of Christ, but God forbid you go missing on an airplane.
Spotify has distasteful ads.
I understand that it's 12:30 at night, but I need someone to play me in Trivia Crack NOW.
Cowboys are 1st team in NFL history to win a playoff game and it not be based on skill.
These refs are worse than the replacements. #DETvsDAL
"The sun will come out tomorrow." Good thing Annie doesn't live here because she'd be hung for her bed of lies.
I get so angry at myself for consciously blinking. NOW YOU'RE DOING IT TOO #sorrynotsorry
Does putting up the windows count as going outside?
.@StuartScott was a Sportscasting legend. Sad that he's gone. RIP.
No Fuse, Pitbull does not belong on a countdown of the most sexy and intimate videos of the decade.
I was inside a Denny's for 9 hours eating great food, playing fun board games, and entertained by great servers. What a fantastic night!
Facebook sent me an email that they miss me <3 Too bad I ain't coming back!
Why hasn't a "celebrities complaining about airports" Twitter account been created yet?
I really want a panda hat
OMG a new blog post! The first one in nearly 4 months! Here I share a short story w/ you from my past. Have a read!
When scary movie trailers make you laugh, that's the moment when you know you have a heart made of complete darkness.
RIP to the greatest character #TWD has ever had! A truly misunderstood leader. #TheGovernor #PhilipBlake #BrianHeriot
This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. RT @CarPanthersNews: The best part about that play was the ref #OREvsFSU
This fool on Trivia Crack beat me in two turns.
I need a gif or a vine of him falling down like a doofus. I really hope the Redskins don't draft him. #OREvsFSU #CFBPlayoff
Wine is my dessert
2015 New Years Resolutions Learn a new language Finish writing a book More gym time LOL YEAH RIGHT I'M WATCHING #FRIENDS ON NETFLIX FOREVER
Capitals win Winter Classic! Former Blackhawk Troy Brouwer scores game-winner with :12.9 left to beat Chicago, 3-2.
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
Way to go, Caps! RT @washcaps Clock hits 0:00. Caps win 3-2! Thank you to the best fans in the NHL for an incredible #WinterClassic.
Happy New Year, friends!
The glasses they hand out at New Years gatherings that are shaped like the year kinda stopped working after 2009.
Oh my God, your "...since last year" tweets are not funny. Go do something productive.
Happy New Year everybody! Don't drink and drive! Staying home and watching #CNNNYE with my girl @kathygriffin and main man @andersoncooper .
i doubt i’d ever get booked anywhere again if they invented some kinda thing that projected my thoughts into text on a screen during a show.
Retweeted by Zach Crocker