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Zach Crocker

Whose bright idea was it to put the Capitals and Wizards on at the same time? #DoubleCardiacArrest
Imagine a world where 1 million people joined forces to end wildlife crime of endangered species instead of watching a giraffe give birth.
My insomnia treatment is back! I mean baseball is back!
Me: "Nice to meet you." Them: "Nice to meet you." Me: "...nice to meet you." Everyone: 😐
Being on my phone in bed is my favorite hobby.
Who wore it better Rachel Dolezal or Halle Berry? #Oscars
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
Why does Meryl Streep's husband always look like an asshole? #Oscars
Titanic is on 😭
WATCH: Sec. Betsy DeVos physically blocked by protesters from entering DC school--turned away and left. Video: @SweeneyABC
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
If I were a Falcons fan, I'd call out sick for the rest of my career.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. Please get punched again. twitter.com/richardbspence…
Wow. Congratulations, Patriots.
So how do overtime Super Bowl commercials work? #SB51
That halftime show was so LIT.
A female bobcat has escaped. Bobcats are not known to be aggressive to humans. Sighting call 202.633.7362 s.si.edu/2kH9909
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
#SAGawards turned into a Trump roast. Just take the award and say thank you. Time & place for everything.
With the exception of Green Bay/Dallas, this year's playoffs were all 💩. #PITvsNEE#NFLPlayoffss
Went to buy "one polo shirt" and ended up with $80 worth of merch & applied for a credit card. OOOPSSS #WhatDoYouMeanIDontHaveSelfControl?
Retweet this Tweet to Win Great Prizes, thanks to @CapitalOne! More retweets we get, more prizes we give out! Rules: WashCaps.com/RetweetToWin
Retweeted by Zach Crocker
Had a bad day? Listen to Enya. Long road trip? Listen to Enya. Cleaning? Listen to Enya. Committing a crime? Listen to Enya.
BRUH I forgot to set my Out of Office at work on Friday, and I love how I'm just now remembering this as I'm falling asleep.
 
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