I woke up on the wrong side of my life.
At least Miley Cyrus is getting paid to act ratchet, the rest of you hoes do it for free.
These cats will make your day LOL pictwitt.co/1aKT4sn
I feel like Romeo and Juliet could have handled the situation a little better.
If a woman cock blocks another woman... is it called a beaver dam or a taco blocko?
Every time you think your life is crap just imagine a tree that took 20 years to grow to end up being a Justin Bieber notebook.
Starbucks Has A Secret Menu!!! pictwitt.co/1gP8UIe
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
When I was kid, my social network was called "outside".
Why isn’t there a middle finger emoji I swear I would use it 99% of the time.
If you want to cry use a tissue, not your Facebook status.
Being alive is so expensive.
History As Instagrams pictwitt.co/18nUa2Y
This is so cool!
I will never understand the physics behind british people losing their accents when they sing.
Fun Dip is a gateway drug to cocaine.
I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
When I text someone and they don't text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
I sincerely regret every nap I passed up on as a child.
You Won't Believe These Pics Aren't Photoshopped! pictwitt.co/18rzCRy
I been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
Not wanting to check your bank account because you don't want to see how much money you don't have.
You don't look like 300 likes in person.
i can literally tell which one of my family members is coming up the stairs or walking about the house just from their footsteps
I bet Billy Mays is up in heaven partying like it's $19.99.
If you like someone, tell them. Or just stalk them on every social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It’s whatevs.
College should be like $10.
I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
Hottest Pics Of Selena Gomez pictwitt.co/1eUGvz9
Do you ever just meet one person
and at first it is awkward
then you start talking
& its like
holy shit where have you been all my life.
If watermelon exists why doesn’t earthmelon, firemelon and airmelon?
Retweet if you have as many Tour de France wins as Lance Armstrong.
On a scale of 1 to Rebecca Black, how happy are you that it's Friday?
People who bite ice cream scare the shit outta me.
Blending Scenes From WW2 Into Present Day pictwitt.co/IFGow9
On a math test: 2+2
Me: *uses calculator just in case*
I wasn't mad. Then you asked me 10 times if I was mad. Now I'm mad.
The longest five seconds of anyone's life is waiting to press the "Skip Ad" button on YouTube.
So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony. But if they lie to us its politics.
That son of a bitch moment when you're walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
If you can say these 4 words fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius:
What's the point in blurring out the middle finger on television? Like, oh you fooled me, what's behind that blur? An umbrella? An elephant?
Animals Flying! #9 Is Hilarious! pictwitt.co/1hzTJFE
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don't meow back. How unbelievably rude.
15 Extraordinary Google Street Views pictwitt.co/1aB91kZ
Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.
I wish my wallet was as fat as I am.