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Will Howard
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So apparently the internet in the @UniOfYork library is ridiculously, crazily fast at midnight. Excuse me while I build a nest.
Tried defrosting a chilli con carne earlier. It got revenge by throwing itself all over the kitchen.
At last! A free guide on How to Kickstart Social Media for your Business... eepurl.com/YzGdv
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We're going to drop out of Uni and become models for DFS. pic.twitter.com/A6PsvWb8Sf
So drunk ima lactate vodka tomorrow morning. Help me.
When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. - Richard Lewis
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler
I have literally gone into hibernation over an essay. If you want me, you'll find me under a pile of pizza boxes and crushed dreams. ;)
"If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!" - Demetri Martin
how am i supposed to control my life i can’t even control my hair
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I want to get my spine removed so I can slide down the stairs like a slinky.
"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job." - Woody Allen
The awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you dont know what to do with your life any more.
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@willhowardgb just taught me the magic of using earphones to talk on the phone. #HANDSFREE #THISISFUCKINGMAGIC
Retweeted by Will Howard
My new video will be out on Tuesday!! If you haven't seen the last one go check it out! youtu.be/KPR2HcSbxXE pic.twitter.com/MuJswv154U
Sitting on half the aisle seat on the bus, as if touching another passenger's leg will cause you both to dissolve
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"Anything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards." God I love Tumblr.
"I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut." Ellen DeGeneres
Catching some rays because this sun is insane! :D pic.twitter.com/YZHokhcE8m
TV is chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Happy Birthday Mum! Growing old disgracefully ;) pic.twitter.com/EEyr5B3kO4
Can I actually just live here please pic.twitter.com/6SKgmjxvdo
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. - Henny Youngman
"If prostitutes were like politicians they’d promise you the best sex ever, mortgage your house then have unprotected sex with someone else"
Road trip time!! On my way to the Lake District for the weekend #hellyeah
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. - Fred Allen
Having an outdoor movie because the weather's amazing. Anyone want to join? pic.twitter.com/JoRj6a615N
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen
You're only as good as your last haircut. - Fran Lebowitz
Morning runs are not for me. My body got a big shock this morning.
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There's a moth the size of a small horse outside my window. Oh dear god no you're not coming in!! :S
It's such a great feeling when you can look back on a breakup and say "I'm glad we ended that".
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Need sleep but twitter is too addicting do u see my problem
Retweeted by Will Howard