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Vincent Mureithi
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We all have a brain in our head but unfortunately we can't buy an intelligent mind anywhere
Keep your spirits up! You don’t want to spill your drink.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Do our lives really relate to songs or do we try to relate our lives to match theirs?
“It’s hard to show the world what you’re made of when you’re allergic to just about everything.” Turn on Bubble Boy!
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She's the queen and will always remain because of what she said and how she said it. "You have to laugh" I love you Joan. Rest in peace 🙏
Retweeted by Vincent Mureithi
That extremely annoying moment when you are behind a slow walker and there is nothing you can do to get around them.
Joan Rivers RIP to one of the funniest realest woman ever #phuckitlist
Retweeted by Vincent Mureithi
Your favourite songs always sound ten times better on the radio.
Please keep Joan Rivers in your prayers
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Thanks to all of you who've supported me throughout the years! I cant believe, already 9 yrs! I owe it to you man.
Retweeted by Vincent Mureithi
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
"I need to talk to you" is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life.#rfs
I may be offensive, but at least I’m an equal opportunity offender.
it’s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it’s that only 10% of people use their brains.
"That awkward moment when you're trying to explain a song but you don't wanna sing it"
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband #icjoke
You should leave office earlier today so your colleagues will think you have some romantic plans #icjoke
That shitty moment when you know its monday tomorrow #icjoke
The awkward moment in class when everybody is quiet and your friend and you are the only two idiots talking.#Icjoke
I always learn from mistake if others who take my advice.
She said "Hi EXpired"and ws like."wat u jst called me"..she said "oh am saying "Hi EX".jst to be level wit her..iden said"Oh hi EXpirement
When I was in 4th grade: swearing is so bad ill never swear. Me now: pass me the salt motherfucker.
I hope the new iPhone has a feature where you only have to tap 'send' 4 times.
Guy: Hey, you want to get out of town for the night? Girl: Sure! Just let me pack everything I own.
If you're unhappy about the way things are going in your life, do something about it. Or, open a twitter account and tell us all about it.
I hope society evolves far enough so we can admit certain pregnant women look terrible.
I just realized that starting a sentence with "now then" makes absolutely no sense. I also just realized how great this pot is.
Trust your instincts, folks
My internet works super fast only when I'm about to sleep and they ask me the reason for insomnia.
My favorite part of cooking is when the delivery guy shows up.#ccjokes
I didn’t take a nap. I took a horizontal life pause.
Even if women came with directions, you still wouldn’t read them.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Now that their secret is out are we just going to call them ‘The Service’?
I like to hangout with people that make me forget to look at my phone.
I was that bored today I chased a plastic bag down the street.
Adults are allowed to buy alcohol because we have to put up with ridiculous shit from ridiculous people all day long.
There are some people making distasteful jokes about Robin Williams death. The good thing about that is they will never be as funny as Robin
No, you don't have "haters". People just don't like you. Get over yourself.
mental illness and kill themselves and believe in God your opinion sucks and is invalid my last two #tweets
when u start throwing around that he was an atheist and this is God's punishment then I really don't want to know you a lotof people suffer
I know everyone doesn't have the same views concerning The death of Robin Williams cause they don't understand mental illness but
I normally look at my old tweets then i think how stupid i was two days ago.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.