Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Want your own social home page like this one? Click here.
Comedy Tweets
jcole nicki minaj lil wayne 1,556,962 followers
Real guys don't chase girls. If you want to walk out of our love lives, we'll hold the door wide open.
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
Sometimes it's easier to pretend you're happy rather than explain why you're not.
I'm so happy people can't hear what I'm thinking
"hey" *2 hours later* "hey" no it's too late, i don't wanna talk to you now
"Can I use your phone to call my mom?" "Yeah, just hit redial."
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
Me a nerd? Haha no, I'm just making sure I don't end up working at McDonalds with you in the future.
do you ever feel like you're not friends with some of your friends?
We pre-game harder than other people party.
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
No I havent met Mr. Right yet, but I have met Mr. Fake, Mr. Rude, & Mr. Player.
Police Officer: "How high are you?" .. No, no, no, it's "Hi, how are you?"
I hate when people compare Eminem to God. I mean, he's good, but he's no Eminem.
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
I don't mind texting or calling you first, but damn it takes two to have a conversation.
MY GRADUATION SPEECH: "I hate all you f*ckers, I'm out."
Walk into da club like whaddup I got a small fin. 
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
I'm MATURE enough to forgive you, but I'm not DUMB enough to trust you again.
*showering* Not hot enough. *turns knob 1/16th of an inch* Satan himself pours out of the shower head and licks your back seductively.
Jennifer Lawrence's Sassiest Moments
Twitter is my friend, Youtube is my voice, and Google is my brain.
I don't think I could ever date a girl that is taller than me.
Retweeted by Comedy Tweets
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup Bitch?
Looking at things you wrote or comments you made from a year ago and wondering how you could possibly be that stupid.