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Comedy Tweets
I can’t believe drawing a black line across my eyelids makes me feel 10x prettier.
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when bae is mad at you, but u just wanna love them
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Me studying: Writes down 3 words Checks twitter Changes song Gets snack Sneezes Contemplates life Loses place in notes Falls asleep
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every family got a plastic bag full of plastic bags
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do u ever leave ur phone for like an hour and expect to come back to like 60 texts but u get none yeah same
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When you pull out a pack of gum at school pic.twitter.com/1TmLziexef
if u dont like me u can fuck off thanks
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im done wasting my time on people who don’t care
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I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE WHO HATE ME ALREADY HATE ME EVEN MORE💁
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aww cute u dont like me thats nice
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i’m a nice person i just hate everyone
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I am a very private person, yet I am an open book... If you don’t ask, I won’t tell
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every family got a plastic bag full of plastic bags
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do u ever leave ur phone for like an hour and expect to come back to like 60 texts but u get none yeah same
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Wearing an oversized shirt and no pants is probably the most comfortable thing in life.
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i dont understand people who only sleep with one pillow
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The "text me when you get home so i know you’re safe” kind of people are the kind of people i wanna be around
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When you're the only one who laughs at a joke.. pic.twitter.com/Ov119oIYjh
me trying to pay attention during morning classes pic.twitter.com/H3IxwZsbfX
Sometimes you want to protect someone who doesn't care about you, while there's other person who quietly protect you. pic.twitter.com/kbB5P1n5Kq
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My "walk past you like we never met" game too strong
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If I text you first, you better appreciate that shit because I don’t do it for just anyone.
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looking at pictures of yourself in 6th grade.. pic.twitter.com/gxCTJsVNUe
If a teacher hands you the test back like this you know you failed😂pic.twitter.com/NT0sbIa3sAA
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"when women wear makeup they're basically lying to us" i dont see why i’m being blamed for a man stupid enough to think i have gold eyelids
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*showering* *not hot enough* *turn shower knob 1/16th of an inch* Satan himself pours out of ur shower head and licks your back seductively
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do you ever just have that one class that one freaking class that just depresses you when you think about it bc oh god you hate it so much
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