Okay, "Plan A" didn't work.
You've got 25 more letters.
Rodney got along
but then he died.
Clinton got along
but then he lied.
Why is Howard so stern?
Why is Betty so white?
Why is Martin so short?
For whom the Lord sets free
is free indeed
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure.
I don't mind jibber. And I kinda like jabber.
But I hate jibber jabber, especially from pretend lawyers.
A small act of kindness exceeds a grand intention.
Today, we celebrate Ollie, first cow to fly in a plane (Feb 18, 1930) from Bismarck, Missouri to St. Louis. She was milked during flight.
Man says, "Die, Past. die!"
Stubborn Mr. Past pretends to die,
but he never stays dead for long.
The Good AND the Bad
A rising tide lifts all boats.
A rising tide sinks all goats.
Not satisfied with our creator and his gifts,
we hunger for something other.
So, alas, we are always hungry
and never satisfied.
The best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard
at work worth doing.
He wrote he was
king of the whirled.
And, sure enough,
he twirled and swirled
down the drain.
Okay, I admit it: I launder money.
The evidence . . . coins in my dryer.
WHO? (Riddle Two)
and wears much red
Beard is white,
a wondrous sight!
Likes to wink:
What do you think?
kleptomaniacs don't get puns
because they take things
WHO? (A Cold Riddle)
Counts on elves
to stock his shelves
Leaves his bed
to drive his sled
bringing us toys
Tragedy at Midnight
A zebra was in my room:
Driving a car (Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!)
Hitting my bed (Boom! Boom! Boom!)
So I put him in his tomb.
I know a hillbilly who wears straw underwear. He calls it Fruit of the Broom.
According to the NRA, Santa just became a member. Plus he recently bought rifles and a ton of ammo. Yeah, he's not taking chances this year.
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
Today Amazon reports shipping an XL kevlar vest to the North Pole.
It appears even Santa Claus is not taking chances this year.
When you see your neighbor carrying somethin',
Help him with his load,
And don't go mistaking Paradise
For that home across the road.
Utters of a Dumb Guy:
“I do like butter,”
I heard him mutter.
“But don’t get butter
Upon my clutter.”
Creativity needs to experiment.
Failure is part of the process.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
“Serving under Colonel Sanders doesn’t qualify as military experience.”
A retired teacher was asked about his influence on so many students. He replied, “I was just having fun and the kids got in the way.”
"I knew a trio. They said they were from Kingston. I never believed them, and so they killed me."
Today's song lyrics are superficial, not as substantial as lyrics from the past, e.g. "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy."
Confidence comes from hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.
I love you and want to build you a cabin. But I'm penniless right now, so could you loan me enough to buy Lincoln Logs?
KC Royals scrappy baseball team, now world champs
NY Mets should be good again next year
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.
I’m paranoid because
they’re out to get me.
If they weren’t out to get me,
then I wouldn’t be paranoid.
First in the deck:
Give him a peck
On his face.
He's an ace.
I read about a girl from Texas
who received the Humility Medal.
But they took it away from her,
because she wore it.
I saw a sign: “Baby On Board”
I looked up. Sure enough,
I saw a baby sitting on top
of a 10 foot two by four.
Dear Mr. Arabica,
You make nice cup of coffee.
c/o Eight O'Clock Coffee
1. eating peanut butter & jelly
2. playing cornhole
3. kissing my wife
BOSS: “I’m like the angle opposite the hypotenuse.”
ME: “How so?”
BOSS: “I’m always right.”
A fish ... can't write his name or read a book
To fool people is his only thought
Though he's slippery, he still gets caught
With the past, I have nothing to do;
nor with the future.
I live now.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Things aren't always @000000
There is beauty in simplicity.
Quality is the best business plan.
A writer is known by the words he keeps.
An artisan is known by the design he keeps.
Fred went to sleep
In a feather bed
His toes turned black
His nose turned red
And in the morning
Fred was dead
Man to Waitress: “I’d like a coffee and two bear claws.”
Then a grizzly burst into the diner and killed him.
Moral: Be careful what you wish
Some cats are killed by curiosity
Others by rambunctious shenanigans