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Tom & Robin
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Feeling Blue: Here we go again. Republicans think America loves them now. No, not love, hate. We just HATE the Democrats a little more.
Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. ~Ron Swanson
I'd buy negative ads about negative ads, but it's too much money. What do you think I am ... a politician?
One camel does not make fun of another camel's hump. ~Ghanaian Proverb
I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!" ~Steven Wright
to vincent: gasoline makes your van go on a starry night
NEWS Student in Texas call their teacher “cool” It is fine until to the horror of all in the middle of class he freezes to death.
"It's not easy being green." Kermit the Frog
A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
I'm going to Kansas City; Kansas City, here I come. They got a crazy way of loving there And I'm gonna get me one. ~Leiber/Stoller
Goodness is about character, integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage... It is how we treat other people. ~Dennis Prager
Knowledge, like underwear, is useful to have, but unnecessary to show off.
There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk. ~Ron Swanson
The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence. ~Vince Lombardi
New 1.2 million dollar poll on why citizens are distrustful of politics: #1 Too many damn polls
Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. ~J. Paul Getty
A person who is fundamentally honest doesn't need a code of ethics. ~Harry S. Truman
I met a girl who sang the blues And I asked her for some happy booze. But she just smiled and said, That ain’t the way Don McLean sings it.
artist, writer, this weird thing... pic.twitter.com/NH9szinHjJ
Old age is no place for sissies. ~Bette Davis
Rejected TV Show Titles: The Twilight Bone Star Wreck The Brady Crunch Quantum Leak Breaking Dad Mork and Bendy
The whale jumped out of the ocean, and ran down the street. Now that was amazing because most whales don’t have feet.
I don’t know why everybody wanna die rich... I’ve never seen a hearse with a trailer hitch. ~Kristian Bush
Those who dance are thought to be quite insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~Angela Monet
If pictures of cute puppies don't make you smile, then your name is Lucifer.
I read that before writing, there was oral history. Not sure if it’s about a society’s dental methods or their sexual exploits.
Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common. ~Satchel Paige
A man who works with his hands & his brain is a craftsman; a man who works with his hands & his brain & his heart is an artist. ~Louis Nizer
Stat Fact: Most who say "This is not my first rodeo" have never even been to a rodeo.
Most people think the art of Leonardo is great. But I think it’s awful. He’s a pretty good actor, though.
Peaches: “Shake your groove thing.” Herb: “I can’t. My groove thing is in a sling, ‘cause I tripped on yo chicken wing.”
There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ~Leo Tolstoy
My pen name is Tom Wheeler. My pencil name is Tom Whackadelfinstein (being harder to spell, need an eraser in case of a mistake).
My time machine does not work in the past. But it does work in the future. Well, it’ll take you there, but VERY slowly.
Wear tank tops. Support the right to bare arms.
The earth has music for those who listen. ~Shakespeare
In youth, folks called him Rocky; Middle-aged, they called him Mr. Rockford. Now an old man, he pleads, “Call me Rocky.”
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. ~David Frost
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. ~Edgar J. Mohn
The ultimate inspiration is the deadline. ~Nolan Bushnell
Well, there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom".
I don't believe in skeptics.