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michael scarn
comedy twitter 1,970 followers
im happy i have good work ethic but honestly having rich parents that paid my way through college would not be the worst thing...
I’m bored and horny, I need a dick to suck on
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if you deliberately flirt with someone in a relationship you are the worst type of person
my fucking mom got nominated for the ice bucket challenge & i didn't. proof i actually don't have friends
perfect night after a stressful day pic.twitter.com/as07OP6UPP
having a boyfriend is so cool cause like you can fart & pick your nose in front of them & they still want to have sex with you
"in relationship with food""pizza is my boyfriend" "who needs a relationship when you have pizza" wow :) so funny :) how are you so creative
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i just want to spend the rest of my life laughing
"That's how you know you love someone, when you can't experience anything without wishing the other person were there too see it, too."
BE COOL TO THE WORLD AND THE WORLD WILL BE COOL TO YOU.
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thinking about taking up yoga
Once again sexism and double standards at their finest pic.twitter.com/2nHtnLZVq1
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hang in there, gays. only one more generation has to die before no one gives a shit. minorities, you’re going to have to wait a bit longer.
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"@heidi_cross: @toridkny so a nightmare." precisely
i had a dream last night that i lost my iphone & i couldnt get a new one so i had to use an android :-(
this actually describes me perfectly pic.twitter.com/xQ6hUbLdGC
slowly but surely getting used to falling asleep & waking up to construction, cars honking & drunk people yelling
THAT VINE OF TAYLOR SWIFT DANCING MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE
*gets a sugardaddy just to pay for textbooks*
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i dont know why everyone is jizzing over taylor swifts new song i will only be impressed when she stops screeching about boys
isn't breaking bad the fourth book in the twilight series???
Retweeted by michael scarn