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Tony Kelly
So yeah nobody schooled me in on how fucking heartbreaking having my puppy on her first night alone would be. Fuck.
There isn't a grosser word in this world to describe someone as than your "lover".
Today is an amazing day. Because today, my friends, is puppy day.
Scientists have predicted that by the year 2020, you will never be more than 6ft away from someone who is 'on loan from Chelsea'.
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Johnny Drama is the greatest character in TV history #Entourage
And yes that was a football/poetry joke. I'm here all weekend #LFC
By the way it's my three month old NEPHEW. Jesus Christ 😱😱
Every time Brendan Rogers face gets shown on TV my 3 month old starts laughing. It's quite poetic, but in a Sylvia Plath kinda way. #LFC
You would think so. But then you remember Brendan Rogers manages Liverpool. He'll send Sakho out on loan tomorrow…
Lovren is the master of creating something out of nothing, just a shame it's for the opposition.
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World momentarily thinks Neymar has signed for tiny club in Ireland:…
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#Arsenal with about as much respect for possession tonight as Pete Doherty.
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Honestly like can I just sign up for the #WWENetwork every month then cancel then resign up again? Would save me a tenner a month, cheers
Why am I paying for the #WWENetwork when it seems to be free every month? Serious question can someone answer? #SummerSlam
Brie Mode is just like putting your phone in airplane mode - it does nothing #DivaRevolution #SummerSlam
Imagine a tag-team with Paige and Sheamus. Hulk Hogan would be a massive fan. #SummerSlam
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Seth Rollins becomes the 1st man ever to win the @WWE World Heavyweight and US titles while dressed as a bottle of Malibu #SummerSlam
Honestly it's the equivalent of sitting in the crowd shouting WHASSSSUPPPP!!!! It's dated and lame as fuck #NXTTakeOver #What
Seriously, I appeared on a US wrestling show myself last week and heard the same shit @steveaustinBSR said it nearly 15 years ago #WHAT?!
An absolute fucking wanker shouting "WHAT?!" during Regal announcing the Dusty tribute. What is wrong with these people?! #NXTTakeOver
.@WWEGraves saying "I hate to use a cliche" is becoming quite the cliche itself at this point #NXTTakeOver
Prime example. Blue Pants just got a bigger pop than anyone except maybe 3 people on the Main Roster would get @WWENXT #NXTTakeOverBrooklyn
Listen to how over EVERYONE is on the NXT roster compared to the main roster. They get at least SOME reaction from the crowd #NXTBrooklyn
Live on the telly last night, in my underpants watching Netflix and eating Fruit Pastilles tonight #LifeofTony
Beds are envelopes that mail you to your nightmares
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I will struggle to hold my tongue....
Can't wait to hear @tonykellycomedy's take on what's going on in the news. :)…
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We've got funny man @tonykellycomedy in for the news round-up of the week! What do you think he'll be reviewing? #TV3
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I feel like the same person who thought to put dried fruit in salad is the same person who first let babies on planes
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Favouriting and not RTing is one of the 1st world's most selfish problems.
dreamt someone was tapping my shoulder to give me a compliment. in reality it was my wife waking me up to tell me our dog had diarrhea.
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WWE is using footage of my leg break as a storyline for @natalieevamarie. This makes me want to Powerbomb her into an all red splat.
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The #LastComic editors deserve and Emmy for seamlessly taking out every single joke I make. Great job, gang. I assume it's a team.
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The wifi in my hotel just broke for the past hour and I swear it was the worst thing that's happened to me for a few months.
I love how that dude from the Renford Rejects just randomly turns up in the Dark Knight.
The sheer delirium of having my kids back in school almost covers up my disappointment in being a grown up with a job.
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Yeah and Hogan said Virgil was his best friend 😎�…ds
Well I found somewhere in N'Awlins showing the "soccer". Come on Liverpool!! #YNWA #LFC
Being in bed the last few hours watching back to back episodes of Impractical Jokers has been the most amazing thing I've done in a while

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