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There's a rock in my shoe. Instead of taking off my shoe, I'll just tweet about it and keep walking.
Trying to cut back, I only ate four cookies today
Unrelated, I've decided, if it fits in your mouth, a stack of five cookies counts as one
Re: The Ending of GoT last night. There is now a lake outside full of testosterone, salt and sadness.
When you remove your muffler from your bike it's like telling the world you need a bike to vibrate your clit & balls for you.
What? No drunk texts? People! I am very disappoint!
Someone's listening to a kid bop version of Fun's "Some Nights" I'm boiling hot oil now.
Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women.
Can we agree that someone built a weather machine and is using it against us?
If "political correctness" is the worst thing that happens to you on any given day, that's 'cause you're on top of food chain. You'll live.
Smash! RT @drgrist
For all the talk of "humorless feminists," no one is more humorless than a macho guy when gender norms are threatened.
Redit: a mix of people. Professionals and kids. Tumblr: undersexed but tallented kids 4chan: trollololololo
I like how I
Supernatural just grabs random names and terms to use. It's as cute as those butt chins the boys have.
is about to reach 300 tweets! See the rest of the stats twtr.to/q05j
Real men can get pussy without force. RT @BuzzFeed
Indian Men Wear Skirts To Protest Country's Rape Culture bzfd.it/XcfFI5
4 of 5 stars to Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn bit.ly/XmYJAw
I'm not sure I want any part of a god who thinks it's cool to collect foreskins of his male followers.
If I die cuz of a drunk driver, fuck forgiving them. Kill them for me. Thanks!
has reached 900 followers! See more stats at twtr.to/iWs9
Well there goes my before the "end of the world" excuse to fuck.
Anyone who watches A Charley Brown Christmas then buys the crap from the show missed the point.
Can't wait to watch the first hour of Man of Steel and learn how Clark Kent becomes Superman! Nobody spoil it for me.
3 of 5 stars to The Improbable Adventures of Sherlock... by John Joseph Adams bit.ly/T5d8jl
Life is like a box of chocolates. It's really bad for you.
This will be an unpopular statement but the internet has lead to better sex. Doubt me? Hook up with a geek younger than 36.
“Scientologists sure are crazy,” I thought as I washed down a cracker made from the body of a 2000 year old Jew with a swig of his blood.
For THIS I got a brazillian?
"The great and powerful Trixie doesn't trust wheels!"
Ten minutes ago:
her: I have something for that zit
Me: it'll be gone tomorrow.
Her: *applies goo*
Me: *enjoying my chemical burn*
Paypal's new mandatory arbitration/no class action OPT-OUT deadline is tomorrow. Here's a form lett ...
20 minute name turned into a 4 hour sleep. I had a Superman dream with a musical montage.
pretending to sharpen your pencil at the bin with your friend just to have a chat
: The Empire State is the only light in the sky #sandy
@ New York City Marble Cemetery instagr.am/p/RY1mJ3Kp5i/
Lost power for like 20 minutes. It was horrifying.
According to meteorologist Katy Perry "after a hurricane, comes a rainbow."
Are you ready to rock? My #SongPop
username is NoseGoesPop! bit.ly/getsongpop
Going to #anotheranimeconvention
?Go to Dragon Press Graphics. Ask for Jon and tell him a BARBARIAN IS GOING TO MAKE HIM HIS WIFE! :D #aac
3 of 5 stars to The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan bit.ly/PkMswF
The only time to lower expectations is10 minutes before the bar closes.
That moment when "Under Pressure" becomes "Ice Ice Baby" is like biting into a raisin cookie because you thought it was chocolate chip.
I want a shield made out of whatever glass the Koolaid man is made out of
Stop whining about being friend zoned. I'm sure it's an upgrade from your usual never in a million/just go away/why aren't you dead zone.
I purposely hold off pooping in the morning so I can get paid to do it at work.
Chaotic Neutral: Doing what the good guys can't since the start of time! #D
I'm imaginary smashing someone in the cafe with this oversized hipster mug. #wokeUpWrong
Best metaphor of the night "Moist Memories Oozing out of the corner of my Bed"
To celebrate our recent updates, Zombies, Run! is now only $2.99 (60% off) until Monday! Get it on iOS, Android, & WP7: blog.zombiesrungame.com/post/306508696…
Web artist J.A. World lays the fucking shit down on Frank Miller's Face! webcomicsnation.com/jandrewworld/r…