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david nuzzy nussbaum
For the cost of a cup of coffee, you can save 1 abused animal. Or for the cost of this commercial, we could've saved 25,000 abused animals.
If we sell a total of 25 Decently Funny podshirts, it will raise enough $$ to fund some new podcast equipment. 👕👚👕
I'm so poor I can't go to the Tupac concert. I can only afford to see Onepac. This tweet has been in my draft folder since 1993.
I feel so badly for the young women affected by the iCloud hacking scandal that I almost didn't masturbate to all of their pictures twice.
Radio legend @realphilhendrie & his many personalities are this week's guests on episode 201.…
If my house was robbed but the TV wasn't stolen, I probably wouldn't even notice.
If Brooklyn Decker ever gets fat I'm gonna tweet "more like Double Decker am I right" and then everyone will lol.
Magician tells the audience "I will now turn myself into a piece of glass." POOF! He's a piece of glass. He says "HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?"
Scream "HEY, FLABBY NECK SKIN!!" in a public place. The people that turn around all think they have flabby neck skin. Haha they suck.
At least grandpa died doing what he loved, falling asleep at the wheel and driving his car into a tree.
September the first be with you.
Best part about being invited to 2 Labor Day BBQs is that each one thinks I'm at the other one but really I'm just home watching tv lol.
I don't care if it's August, I'm lighting my mother fucking Christmas tree.
I hate idiots who don't know the difference between who's, whose and who'se.
If P Diddy ever gets arrested for public urination I'm gonna tweet "more like Pee Diddy" and then everyone's gonna lol.
Great time today with @theNuzzy on his @DecentlyFunny podcast. We went talked about everything & it wasn't pretty. Funny but not pretty
Retweeted by david nuzzy nussbaum
Don't know if I'm more relieved or offended that nobody's nominated me for an ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
New #DecentlyFunny podcast (Episode 201) with radio legend, Phil Hendrie coming next week.
You're allowed to have sex with your best friend's wife as long as you say whoops after.
Once a month I call 911 and tell them that everything's fine because I feel like they deserve to hear good news sometimes.
When a Jew dates a much younger Jew it's called robbing the dreidel.
Decently Funny Podcast needs to upgrade to newer equipment. Please buy this shirt I designed for $20 and help us pay for it.
In case you're not Facebook friends with my mom, you should know that she's WISHING JOAN RIVERS A SPEEDY RECOVERY!
Last Comic Standing season 3 winner @AlonzoBodden joins us for Decently Funny pod episode 200. Please listen & RT.…
I'm sorry I haven't been more active on twitter lately. Just not dealing with Hello Kitty not being a cat very well. Smh
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream & also because there's a burglar in my house & I'm hiding under the bed please call 911.
I've got a lot of junk (dead bodies) in the trunk (trunk).
Funny prank: text "help me" to your mom (or any loved one) and then never answer your phone again.
Stop retweeting other people's tweets and come up with your own original tweets. Please retweet.
Congrats @DannyZuker! Now you have as many Emmy wins as Decently Funny podcast guest appearances. #IMadeItAboutMe
Just installed French doors in my home. They're just like regular doors, except they hate American tourists & smoke a lot of cigarettes.
If Neil Diamond is ever stabbed to death, I'm gonna tweet "more like Blood Diamond" and everyone is gonna lol.
I'm fairly certain that even if cops told my girlfriend that she has the right to remain silent, she still wouldn't.
Only 3 people liked my tweet but one of them is Amy Schumer so I guess everyone who didn't like it is wrong.
If there's 2 things I hate it's twitter ads & people who don't know that @Sealy Posturepedic Hybrid sleep sets are on sale through Sept 7th.
Yep. I'm definitely doing twitter wrong.
Big Friday night planned for me. Casual or dressy?
My 7 year old niece made me a sweater that says "world's greatest uncle" on it. Uh thanks. It's like 100 degrees out, you stupid idiot.
Hey guys I finally decided to do the ALS ice bucket challenge.
No thanks proverb, I think I'll keep my friends close and my enemies far away.
Classy Teddy Bears are called Theodore Bears.
In honor of Simpsons marathon, here are our 7 pods w/ Simpsons writers @scullymike @mrtimlong @simonsam & @mattselman…