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Keith Chegwin
radiobbc 148,500 followers
Mrs has split up with me. Says I never spend time with her. Well that's what her text said
Channel 4 dropped Wife Swap & How Clean is your House. Time 2 pitch How Dirty is ur Wife, Want 2 Swap
My dad hit the dog with his slippers – Don’t know why our dog wears them
JUST LOVE THE MOYLES. GO GET 'EM CHRIS RT @ChrisMoyles: Everybody's talking about it... youtu.be/ML2YPNTWK8A
Alvin Stardust. One of the loveliest men I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. A real gentleman who’ll be sorely miss. God Bless Him x
My Mrs drinks too much. Last time she gave a urine sample it had an olive in it
Called Gamblers Anonymous to ask what time I should be there. They said - ten to one
Went to a Japanese restaurant - everyone looked like Poirot - think it was a Suchet bar
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die
Big fan of the Mars bar diet. You don't eat it - Just stick it up ur bum & let a Rottweiler chase u home
Got a phone call to do a gig at a fire station. Turned out it was a hoax
Really enjoyed myself. Great gig in Southampton thanks to @FirebirdEvents Andy and me!! pic.twitter.com/OqPykDEBgk
Something 4 The Weekend!! Cheggers Fave Jokes App iTunes- goo.gl/eOyxcN - Google Play goo.gl/FLmHsb
Algebra. Don't know why I had to learn it - I'm never gonna go there
My memory is not as good as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as good as it used to be
Good Laugh hosting 25 year celebration of Drew Smith Group 4 @FirebirdEvents @GHSouthampton Audience were BRILL. Thanks Andy
Sorry 4 not tweeting. BT Broadband speed’s dropped to a third of a megabyte in our area. I could run faster! #btfail
Tried water polo yesterday and my horse drowned
Lots of people are named after places they were conceived. My mate Ally disagrees
Called Sea World - Said my call was being recording for training porpoises
What's yellow & looks funny on your Mother-In-Law? A JCB
Mrs has gone off with another bloke to Vienna. It means nothing to me
RT @rickygervais: Pop Knob In Fanny @keithchegwin outtakes from Extras facebook.com/video.php?v=29… Thanks Ricky Xxx
Recent survey: 40% of people admitted to tixting wylst droving
My mate likes having sex with goats - Only kidding
Mummy the window cleaner is at the door. Are you going to pay him or shall I go out to play
Kitten Lily. She's turning out to be such a lovely cat - captions welcome!! pic.twitter.com/q3EYcPHCXO
RT @MTJ_tweet: Butchers' & Bakers' Fair Sunday bit.ly/10ZfCZm YES!!! Gonna eat my way thru it. Newark Showground 2morrow
RT @LesDennis @WarwickADavis @rickygervais @StephenMerchant @FatBarryShaunW Rewatched Life's Too Short. So proud of this. Me 2 Les x
So as you know Park & Ride is not a dogging area
Mugged last night by man with a knife. Police say he must be local as the knife still had butter on it
Panto. Can't wait RT @AnvilArts: Meet the stars Cinderella Anvil Basingstoke Keith & @KatyAshworth youtube.com/watch?v=cDMZYa…
No one talks about Bill the brown nosed reindeer. He's right behind Rudolph, but can't stop as fast
How to annoy Heather Mills - Nick Clegg
Don't see what the fuss is about Gandhi. He only made one film. Then no one ever heard of him again
Hope weather improves. Hosting a bit of corporate Knockout 4 Haven Holidays - Thermals, raincoat & wellies at the ready!
100' s of my Fav Gags. Cheggers Fave Jokes App. iTunes: goo.gl/eOyxcN Google Play: goo.gl/FLmHsb
I don’t have a problem with GM food - I've just had a lovely leg of salmon
Something odd is going on in the camouflage shop - Just seen 10 people go in & no one come out
Heard this in a Costa coffee this morning ‘Could up please stop listening to our conversation’
Rude people on Twitter 2day. Cheer up! I put up gags 4 fun. I’m not sitting an exam or in a competition. Not happy? Follow sum 1 else
Optician says I’m colour blind – That came as a bolt out of the green
So annoying - I’ve never win a gayme of scrubble
Bought my hamster some weights – but it didn’t work out (sorry)
So cute. Baby Elephant in trouble goo.gl/pdWrRJ
Below Friday Chuckles! There's more: Cheggers Joke App: iTunes goo.gl/eOyxcN & Google Play goo.gl/FLmHsb
Good News: Members of The Agoraphobic Society are not out to get me
Used up all my sick days - so today I'm calling in dead
Met a crook who pulls up the back of your underpants - Wedgie Kray