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TheBloggess
writing comedy 382,279 followers
I just did a dramatic reading of the California Driver Handbook. My #GISHWHES virginity has been taken. Pray for us now.
@TheBloggess how quickly can you get to melbourne Australia? Taxidermy sale at what seems to be a porn shop. pic.twitter.com/d3G9yw4L9Q
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Playing Ruzzle Adventure. Disappointed that @TheBloggess' FOXEN still is not a word :( pic.twitter.com/Z4AXmghQ2W
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.@ianhakes @TheBloggess Or desscetacean - the drying out of beached whales.
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He also came up with "ereptiledysfunction" (when your cyber lizard won't reboot). My father is dangerous at CrapScrabble.
@TheBloggess What about decomporpoise - the final stage for dolphins?
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CrapScrabble needs to be on the next TableTop. I'll bring the jar. It also includes numbers & runes. You have to make that shit work.
CrapScrabble is a game we made up. Everyone grabs one handful from the bowl. Longest word you can bullshit wins. pic.twitter.com/c8BE1Eggj8
My parents came over and we played CrapScrabble. My dad won with "rigortortoise." (The second stage of turtle death.)
Not for nothing, but when I posted that last link Facebook crashed. Coincidence, or the beginning of the implosion? You've been warned.
thebloggess.com/2014/08/i-thin… BOOM. I think we all knew the world would end like this somehow anyway.
Just finished @amandapalmer's new book and it was fanTAStic. Preorder that shit, y'all. powells.com/biblio/9781455…
So bad. No words. They should have sent a poet. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
@TheBloggess -wait if I haven't seen Sharknado yet will this still make sense?
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austin.craigslist.org/for/4549895673… "OH HAY GURL!!" I'm gonna need someone to give me $300. #BecauseOfJesus
thebloggess.com/2014/07/i-thin… I think I fucked this up. I went to Blogher and all I got was a bunch of human hair.
@TheBloggess Cats have a second invisible set of eyes. When you see them staring at walls, they're using their other set to see dead people
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@TheBloggess Maybe it's the legs to eyeLIDS ratio that' important. Cats have an 'extra' set... Oh, but do spiders have eyelids? Never mind.
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@TheBloggess The internet on Tuesdays is a very strange place.
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@TheBloggess So your cat is horny and it's wearing a strap-on. Gotcha.
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Okay, fine. Point taken. Yes, TECHNICALLY my cat is wearing a strap-on, but it's not a dildo. It's a horn. There's a difference.
My cat is not wearing a strap-on. It's sort of weird that I'm having to clarify that.
thebloggess.com/2014/07/i-thin… WHY DO CATS HAVE ALL THOSE EXTRA LEGS? Bonus: Cat unicorn.
@BrightStarts "Pills are not funny. They’re not toys. They’re deadly when placed in the wrong hands." shar.es/Ls86K via @the818
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