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writing comedy 385,388 followers… I'm insulted. In several different ways.… Body-mounted cop cams = dramatic drop in use of force by police & # of citizen complaints. This has to happen.… Top 2 answers to "What is Dan Seals talking about?" poll: 1. I don't really care. 2. Who is Dan Seals?
@TheBloggess Apparently you went back in time. Oh, that's Hailey? Never mind then. Explains the absence of potato sack shoes, anyway.
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First day of 4th grade. How did this happen?
@TheBloggess There have been loads of bad episodes of #doctorwho but being a fan means u love them all the same like ugly babies
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Once a month we stop at the pet shop to snuggle animals when they host shelter adoption drives. THIS FACE.
#DoctorWho is trending. Yay! But it's trending from ppl disappointed in the new episode. Ah. Well, hell.
@TheBloggess I reread your book last night &, despite being as sober as I'm legally allowed to be, I was asked to leave the nude petting zoo
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She's also the only swan protester. Her sign: "WE'RE ALL =". Hard to argue with that.
Hailey - the narrating swan (in the dress) in the middle. Best swan ever. I might be biased though.
One hour of sleep. Now leaving to watch 4 straight hours of children's plays at Hailey's drama camp. Maybe not the most ideal combination.
Sleep would be nice. I don't think it's going to happen, but it would be nice.
@TheBloggess I recently got mace. A cop friend said to spray myself 1st. I thought he meant if someone attacked me because 1. forcefield..
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@TheBloggess "Yeah I've seen this before. Its probably just a demonic boogeyman who'll murder you in your sleep. Whelp...Night night!"
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@TheBloggess In the movies, this is point where the intruder is OMG STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
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Oh. Sorry. I think some of you thought I was building up to a joke, or at least a more dramatic end. Crap. I've disappointed you.
...Security & Victor checked the house and yard. No intruder. Security guard suggested it might be a poltergeist. I need a drink.
...Called security while Victor stalked the house with a samurai sword...
...The cats started growling. Thought I heard someone outside. Screamed & ran...
So. Working in the dark when l heard a loud crash. Went to investigate and found the (always locked) back door wide open...
Family mystery solved by @danielaorlando_… Thank God for twitter. (It was Jindřichu, pronounced yin-drzee-khoo)