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TheBloggess

writing comedy 337,655 followers
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@TheBloggess checked my email today and received this gem from eBay. Thought youd like to know, they still love you. pic.twitter.com/yU518HNRGF
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@TheBloggess i was one of them. 599. thank you so much. it's so fucking hard, & some days i'm just so sick of trying. this road is too long
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3 people tonight sent comments about their depression. You aren't alone. Your friends & family need you. #depressionlies
The previous screamy tweets were brought to you by "not-enough-booze" and "why-do-I-read-posts-that-are-clearly-linkbait?"
Honestly, it's like me writing a post calling out people for cursing or owning too much taxidermy. PHYSICIAN, HEAL THY FUCKING SELF.
You know when someone writes something so blatantly hypocritical that you have to call a friend & yell: "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?" Yeah.
Pretty sure that's @TheBloggess in front of me, transporting Beyonce the giant metal chicken. instagram.com/p/ZbbZ3nDG1I/
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It's never too early to teach your kid how to work a backhoe. pic.twitter.com/zgRg8FhbX5
thebloggess.com/2013/05/two-un… I'm probably going to offend a lot of people with this one.
Thoughts and prayers for those affected by the tornado in Texas.
Victor is at a tech conference watching Billy Idol and I'm home doing spreadsheets & being "responsible." I think we've switched lives.
thebloggess.com/2013/05/hunter… Cats are adorable and are possibly the spawn of Satan.
For those of you saying, "But I'm a Republican & I still love you," the feeling is mutual. Hell, I'm married to one of you.
I handed her a copy of my book on her way out. She seemed very nice. I doubt we'll ever hear from her again.
New neighbor just invited us to a "conservative, Republican get-together." Me: "Did Victor set you up to this?"
@TheBloggess it's a great shelter. Pro tip: when jogging or walking in downtown Austin, borrow a dog from them to keep you company.
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Shit. I think I just crashed a no-kill pet shelter's website. That ones's going to be hard to explain to Jesus.
austinpetsalive.org/adopt/availabl… Okay. I just donated $250 to sponsor The Doctor. SOMEONE GO ADOPT HIM NOW.
amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no… And I'm also on the first page when you search "bobcat urine." I'VE MADE IT!
thebloggess.com/2013/05/any-pu… Holy crap, you guys. Please tell me any publicity is good publicity.
Angelina Jolie on double mastectomy "I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice."
This scene always made me cry when I was little. Still does. youtube.com/watch?v=sFfBuz… #TheLastUnicorn
...but I'm doing a workshop at the Texas Conference for Women in November so I'm not *completely* turning into a hermit.
FYI...I'm skipping Blogher this year. I'm trying to stick to local conferences this year since I've been away on tour so much.
Ferris Mewler playing dead. He's part possum. - twitpic.com/cqcufd
flickr.com/photos/theblog… In my day we didn't have fancy retro filters. We just waited 30 years for our photos to instagram themselves.
thebloggess.com/2013/05/happy-… Saluting every damn person out there, mother or not.
It might just be the moon, but if you feel totally out of control this week you aren't alone. It'll pass. Deep breathes.
Dear Ferris Mewler: You're on the wrong side of the stairs. Again. pic.twitter.com/guUDcmGyJc
r.ebay.com/m6gmrA This is officially $2 more than I paid for it. You guys are just as insane as I am. Never change.
Look at my @ replies to see lots of fabulous suggestions for writers. I'm adding stuff to my wish-list myself. You guys rock.
@TheBloggess I always rec. one of the Sci Fi yearly short story anthologies to get the newbie started
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Sorry. I'm lowering my meds for month & it's making me pissed off about completely insane things. But Ray Bradbury IS a golden God.
For those of you who haven't discovered the world of sci-fi books I suggest starting with Ray Bradbury. Then read more Ray Bradbury.
At the risk of being a judgy bitch, you can't call yourself a sci-fi fanatic if you don't fucking read.
YES! (MT @Jensownzoo5m @TheBloggess Your haunted robot on the front page of ebay pic.twitter.com/PSQbFXrP1z )
Is that ironic? I think it is but Alanis Morrisette screwed up my perception. Regardless, I think I'm being pranked. Awesomely.
2. I can't but help think it's ironic that my tweet RE hating Mother's Day gifts is butted up against an article for Mother's Day gifts.
That awkward moment when you accuse your husband of stealing your slippers & then find you're mistaken. pic.twitter.com/j2AGRKaH6D
Me to the dozens of feral cats in this parking lot: "LET ME LOVE YOU." Feral cats: "DO NOT WANT."
It would probably be illegal to make fake Abercrombie shirts & hand them out to all the elderly mall-walkers. Just saying.
Several people doubting the @Abercrombie thing could possibly be real. Just google "Mike Jeffries." It's all over the internet.