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writing comedy 382,279 followers
I just did a dramatic reading of the California Driver Handbook. My #GISHWHES virginity has been taken. Pray for us now.
@TheBloggess how quickly can you get to melbourne Australia? Taxidermy sale at what seems to be a porn shop.
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Playing Ruzzle Adventure. Disappointed that @TheBloggess' FOXEN still is not a word :(
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.@ianhakes @TheBloggess Or desscetacean - the drying out of beached whales.
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He also came up with "ereptiledysfunction" (when your cyber lizard won't reboot). My father is dangerous at CrapScrabble.
@TheBloggess What about decomporpoise - the final stage for dolphins?
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CrapScrabble needs to be on the next TableTop. I'll bring the jar. It also includes numbers & runes. You have to make that shit work.
CrapScrabble is a game we made up. Everyone grabs one handful from the bowl. Longest word you can bullshit wins.
My parents came over and we played CrapScrabble. My dad won with "rigortortoise." (The second stage of turtle death.)
Not for nothing, but when I posted that last link Facebook crashed. Coincidence, or the beginning of the implosion? You've been warned.… BOOM. I think we all knew the world would end like this somehow anyway.
Just finished @amandapalmer's new book and it was fanTAStic. Preorder that shit, y'all.…
So bad. No words. They should have sent a poet. #Sharknado2TheSecondOne
@TheBloggess -wait if I haven't seen Sharknado yet will this still make sense?
Retweeted by TheBloggess… "OH HAY GURL!!" I'm gonna need someone to give me $300. #BecauseOfJesus… I think I fucked this up. I went to Blogher and all I got was a bunch of human hair.
@TheBloggess Cats have a second invisible set of eyes. When you see them staring at walls, they're using their other set to see dead people
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@TheBloggess Maybe it's the legs to eyeLIDS ratio that' important. Cats have an 'extra' set... Oh, but do spiders have eyelids? Never mind.
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@TheBloggess The internet on Tuesdays is a very strange place.
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@TheBloggess So your cat is horny and it's wearing a strap-on. Gotcha.
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Okay, fine. Point taken. Yes, TECHNICALLY my cat is wearing a strap-on, but it's not a dildo. It's a horn. There's a difference.
My cat is not wearing a strap-on. It's sort of weird that I'm having to clarify that.… WHY DO CATS HAVE ALL THOSE EXTRA LEGS? Bonus: Cat unicorn.
@BrightStarts "Pills are not funny. They’re not toys. They’re deadly when placed in the wrong hands." via @the818
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