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Josh Carter
Skip the Olive garden and come try my newest creation, Artichoke Penne
Ayanna Dookie laying it down in front of a packed crowd at beauty bar!
Awesome time @ZebraCakeComedy last night! They packed into @BeautyBarNYC and had plenty to laugh about! #NYC #Comedy
Retweeted by Josh Carter
If you wanna get a white dude angry, tell them that Cam Newton is better than Andrew Luck #MNF #CARvsIND
I hate when someone back washes in your fiji water. Thanks a lot! Now it's Poland spring
Fetty Wap sounds like a restaurant my dad would recommend in Chinatown #fb
We don't have flying cars, but gay marriage is legal, ahead of the movie there #BackToTheFuture
I just used my ex-girlfriend's mace on a centipede
& now it's @GoshCarter's birthday. Wish him a happy cupcake.
Retweeted by Josh Carter
HEY BETHLEHEM #FUCKERS! @GoshCarter & I are in his Subaru and headed to @ArtsQuest to make you laugh! 8pm/$8 101 Founders Way, kiddos!
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Come thru on Sunday, 10/11, 8:30 for these funny bitches @FreddysBar1
Retweeted by Josh Carter
Now that there's tinder, why are there still nightclubs?
Fast food restaurants are the only ungentrified part of Bushwick left #fb
Drake's Honey Buns are the unprotected one night stand of munchies #FridayNight #PopeinNYC #OregonState
The #nyjets just made Andrew Luck look like Geno Smith in white face. That was unbelievable! #NYJvsIND #fb
Bo Pelini is Nebraska's RC Slocum. His firing put them into the dark ages #NEBvsMIA
Pretty sure Tennessee just VOLUNTEERed to be the loser of that game #OUvsTENN
For those of you who like to pay to make your homemade food worse for you
Tiger Woods needs to jump on this history Tom Brady made and sue Elin for half his stuff back #BadPrescedents
You know you're in the hood when the bodega is selling Lucie Ho-Hos #hostess #fb
You'll know racism is over when KFC gets a black Col Sanders and nobody says anything about it
Finding out that your phone hasn't charged all night is some of the most painful news to wake up to #FirstWorldProblems
Christian Finnegan drops in for a spot on another packed out #zebracakefriday
Never put parmesan cheese on your pasta in front of your air conditioner
I only order takeout for the free Tupperware #grubhub

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