Stop teasing me with your "hints" just give me a fully flavored lime chip!
Don't u ever say I just walked away
I will always want u
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want u
I got Miley's song stuck in my head!! And the worse part is that I actually like the song!
Girls complain about guys using them for sex. Sex is awesome. Start complaining when they use you for laundry.. Or as a human shield.
He said, "You look just like my 4th wife!" She said, "How many times have you been married?" He said, "Three."
Can anyone see my tweets?
He said, "What's the name of that annoying virus that keeps popping up when I reboot my PC?" She said, "I think it's called 'Windows'."
someone just told me we were arguing over semantics. i'm like, "but i use mcafee!"
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning to twist the endings of tired old cliches.
With social media, there's no reason to leave my bed. I do a comedy set from bed with an audience of dogs. youtube.com/watch?v=iFtJiP…
I'm too lazy to go to a mic. So I do a comedy from bed. youtu.be/udPFAUheTUk
I like to multitask. So I do a comedy set from the bathtub. youtube.com/watch?v=dJzZGn…
If your heart is not in it, you best take yourself out of it!
Please visit my website to read my new post Thanksgiving Reflections. booksbypattidavis.com
The best part of being anti-social is all the money you save on Black Friday not buying gifts for friends you don't have. #SeasonsGreetings
Harry Potter and the Black Friday Sales
Twitter Fact of the Day: Most of your followers never see your tweets. Please RT if you see this tweet ;)
OMG! This website says I'm "Highly Influential" ... I wonder how they came to that wacky assessment: topsy.com/www.opencultur…
Diet Tip of the Day: if you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner! #DietTips
TODAY'S TO-DO LIST: Make positive changes; shed negative karma; tweet gibberish.
Sometimes things are exactly what they seem.
Happy Thanksgiving from the newsroom! @nypost pic.twitter.com/y4kh7IqRJI
Do you ever have so much to do that you just decide to go back to bed?
NOTHING more thrilling than learning of GoDaddy's "Black Friday" sale.
ok, have a happy thanksgiving everyone. all my best......
The Cranberries - "Linger" (MTV Unplugged) youtu.be/zKuaHCNKv6A #GobbleGobble
LOVE LOVE LOVE all the pre-"Black Friday" SPAM e-mails today!!! I'm also a big fan of sarcasm.
Getting ready to order my Thanksgiving dinner from Pizza Hut. #GobbleGobble
Just made my re-gift list.
Oh, was that my out lout voice?
: I can't believe you said that.
Nobody reads my tweets. In fact, you are not reading this tweet right now.
You think you know a man and after seventeen years you suddenly learn he does a creditable Gilbert Gottfried imitation. So I'm single now.
I can't believe you said that.
The Calling - "Wherever You Will Go": youtu.be/iAP9AF6DCu4
We grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
And I won't tell them your name.
some cranberries for thanksgiving: youtu.be/Zz-DJr1Qs54
I'm a big fan of Kanye West. I have all her albums!
If I send one of those generic tweets that seems like it's directed at you, it's probably directed at you. Know what I mean?
With the same sword they knight you
they gon' good night you with:
Those who r dead r not dead
They're just living in my head
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well