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Nathan
119,911 followers
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So much contempt, so little time.
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4h
Suge Knight and Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince would've made an amazing wrestling tag team.
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5h
I hope this Suge Knight incident doesn't mean they're going to stop making my favorite soda. #SugeKnight pic.twitter.com/OryJX83kAp
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5h
I'm sure that if Suge Knight did murder that guy, he had a very good reason, like he wanted to murder that guy.
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5h
Suge Knight's Lawyer: "Those men only have themselves to blame! Mr. Knight EXPRESSLY states in his rider that no one ever call him 'Marion.'
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5h
FACTS: Suge Knight uses this name ironically as a source of empowerment after years of his mother putting him to bed saying, "night shug"
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5h
Do you guys think Suge Knight is mad at me? Asking because I don't want to die.
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5h
Suge Knight killed 3 McDoubles, 2 McChickens, a large shake, fries, and a person today!
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5h
I'm considering trading in my manhood for one of those remote control fireplaces
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5h
They should go ahead and make one of those Snickers "You're not you when you're hungry" commercials with Suge Knight.
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5h
Wake me up when Suge Knight isn't arrested for murder
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5h
PROTIP: Wearing a Fitbit while you cry & shame-eat Häagen-Dazs alone in your mother's basement will tell you how many calories you cried off
6h
Well, it certainly looks like Suge Knight's career has hit a couple bumps in the road.
7h
Why didn't they just call the Selfie Stick a NarcissiStick?
Only people who are boring get bored. pic.twitter.com/c7KqBPmQqC
BREAKING AT THE FOX NEWS DESK: Democratic gangster Suge Knight killed Mitt Romney's presidential vibe.
Suge Knight ran over Mitt Romney?!
More like 'Quit' Romney...am I right GOP?
Always trust your gut feeling. It's right 99.9 % of the time. Oh and don't marry sociopaths.
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The last time someone told me they loved me they just had a wonky eye & were actually talking to a guy next to me & that's basically my life
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My emotional status hinges on how long I have to wait to eat again.
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HAVE YOU GONE TONY STARK RAVING MAD?! pic.twitter.com/59fG6pKbLl
Sure I'll be depressed on Valentine's Day, but I get to celebrate the real holiday- '50% off Valentine's Day Candy Day' the very next day!
Life is like a box of Valentine's Day chocolate, I'm allergic to chocolate & I have no one to share it with.
I've already picked out a TV Dinner & reserved my mom's basement to shame-eat it in on Valentine's Day if anyone needs a date or anything.
Valentine's Day Depression Weight > Christmas Day Depression Weight
JANUARY 30th: Just one more day of working out before never setting foot in the gym the rest of the year.
Goes to put a few dirty dishes in the washer & the ones in there are clean, contemplates running them all through again rather than empty it
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Just for today: I will strive to be a part of unity. I know that unity does not equal uniformity.
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"Compromise" is my middle name, tattooed under trouble.
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Spoiler alert: It's gonna be a good day.
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*winks at girl on the airplane* "I'm the bomb." I'm pretty sure she winked back, but some guy tackled me pretty hard before I could see.
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Was counting Twitter unfollows today then reminded myself "You're more interesting than this."
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"Sorry, its showbusiness not showfriends" - me to woman at CVS in Hollywood who asked if I could reach baby formula on top shelf
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Can we just start putting cheese on everything and stop asking "would you like cheese on that."
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Do something good for yourself, become emotionally withdrawn
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Who says people don't change? These pants don't fit me at all anymore.
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I heard you, I just wasn't listening. -Men
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I tried to bang the bass & turn up the treble like everyone said, & I think this fish is hurt pretty bad you guys.
"I like big ducks and I cannot lie." -Duck Dynasty
Well, it's really not that bad of a day until you accidentally shut your pony tail in the car door. 😕
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14 days until jerks who aren't serious about their relationships breakup with their girlfriends to avoid spending money on Valentines Day.
The first rule of OCD Club is to change the name of the Club to OCDC so there are 4 letters-also check the locks & stove, then do it again.
You have your own story to write. Never let somebody else control the pen.
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Mood: Britney Spears before the meltdown
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