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FACE + BOOK = The furthest away from a book your face could ever be.
So embarrassed I wore my white spandex & tube top to eat 2 dozen doughnuts @krispykreme this morning & it's not even Easter yet.
The only Peeps I can be around without my social anxiety disorder flaring up is the marshmallow kind. #progress @PEEPSANDCOMPANY
I found the Easter Bunny but all he would say is 'HAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!' & 'Stop eating all that candy!' :(
A blog? Cool-my mom and the rest of the planet have one's called Facebook and no one reads that crap either. YAY!
BLOOD TYPE: Cadbury Creme
Plaid is camouflage for hipsters.
Good morning kids! The Easter Bunny is actually Uncle Joe & he ate all your candy so Easter is cancelled this year :(
Some people call it marriage. I call it close quarter combat.
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Opened a pack of Peeps & they all fell on the floor so yeah-I've loved & I've lost..just kidding..LOL-we all know I totally ate them anyway.
'I want to know what love is...I want you to Bro me.' -Bros.
Easter Inception: Chocolate within a chocolate dream
Inside the freezer burnt, half-eaten quart of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the back of my freezer is Where my Demons Hide.
This yogurt tastes like I would rather be eating a Baconator.
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I put my pants on like everyone else, one leather pant leg at a time.
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Wearing a Tap-Out tshirt? Most likely the only thing 'tapped-out' is your parents bank account because their 34 yr old son lives at home. :(
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Summer is coming, spandex isn't for everybody. Thank you.
The Beaster Bunny is coming to your house while you sleep so he can poop Cadbury Eggs into your Easter baskets. YAY!
There are two eyes in narcissist, and both of them are on you. @romancingAndrea
The scariest sound ever is my phone ringing.
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I started hating almost everything around the time "Megan" became "Meagan."
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Eminem's are the most angry candies you'll ever eat.
If you mackled less, maybe you could afford to buy your clothing in a regular store.
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My boss told me: "Dress for the job you want..." so there will be a stormtrooper at tomorrow morning's meeting.
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