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Nathan
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Card Shark Week is even more scary than Shark Week-but only if you've got a gambling problem.
Don't investigate creepy noises in your house. It never ends well. Let IT find you.
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Laughter isn't the best medicine. Especially if you've been infected with Ebola.
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'No shirt? No shoes?.............SERVICE.' -Public swimming pools
You worked a 12 hour shift? I understand-I had to pick all the M&M's out of a 5lb bag of trail mix just to keep my sugar rush going all day.
Pin the tail on the donkey was the original Pintrest.
Every week is Snark Week on Twitter.
Thanks @anjadrisch for the golden chalice! Lets have a panic attack while we eat dessert out of it! Follow her here-> favstar.fm/users/anjadris…
I'm dating you for your snacks.
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I'm 'THE PRESIDENT IS SPEAKING ON ALL 3 CHANNELS AND NOW MY NIGHT IS SCREWED!' years old.
Nico & Vinz: 'Am I Wrong?' All of Us: 'Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-Ooooo-ooooh!'
I just yawned so hard and long I swallowed a large mosquito...or a hummingbird - either way, I got my protein for the day. WINNING!
'Let's go see that Megan Fox movie with the turtles in it.' -Men
If you tell people their not 'grammatically correct' we can't be friends. Their, they're, there-it will be ok.
I wanna go for walks in the middle of the night but i also dont want to die ya feel
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This burrito is a nice metaphor for my life. I too, am barely keeping it together.
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Do they even make non-alcoholic iced tea in Long Island?
A Groupon, but for my dating life.
Some of the funniest, most intelligent people are the loneliest & hurting inside. Love Others. ❤️ #RIPRobinWilliams pic.twitter.com/sGNsOqEr8b
I've decided to go on a Hot Pocket cleanse.
Illumi-naughty? You bet I am.
Lost all my drafts when I had to reinstall the Twitter app. You guys have no idea how much mediocrity is gone forever.
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