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I'm white, but not gluten free, lactose intolerant, peanut allergy, kale crunching, driving a Subaru listening to Mumford & Sons white.
*swish* *swish* *kick* *swish* *swish* *swish* *kick* *swish* *swish* *kick* *swish* *swish* *kick* checking tires, wearing corduroys
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I just bought some cargo shorts because I like to stay cool whilst I carry my cargo.
New study says more planes lost than house keys.
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Sorry, I'm busy-I'm on my way to steal your girl.
Does this Comic-Con costume make my daddy issues look big?
50 Shades of sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
'Cracker Jack' is the term I use when I steal a white person's BMW parked at the gym as he changes into spandex before playing racquetball.
'COMIC CON-descension' -Fathers :(
Thanks for the golden cup @Jasmin_Tatts !!!! Let's make some white noise and toast! Follow her here---》… !!!
Here's a short story about buttered popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellies: No.
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If a fireman loses his job do they say he was extinguished?
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My white noise machine's so white it sounds like a jobless screenplay writer complaining to a barista about misspelling his name on a latte.
I just killed a man after he started a fight when he hit me and told me I shoulda had a V8.
Random shout out to everyone on Twitter with Tourettes!
I'm an American, and I'll eat something to get the taste out of my mouth from eating something if I want to, dang it! 'Mericuh!
Fun Fact: John F. Kennedy's Johnson was named Lyndon Baines.
Disappointed the new 50 Shades of Grey didn't reveal the next 50 Shades of Grey-let's hope there are more than 50 this next go 'round.
Optimus Amazon Prime transforms your budget into a gaping online money pit. :(
If I could turn back time, if I could find a way...I guess it would have to be Marty McFly's DeLorean.