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Thanks to @thekatvond, I got to dress all fancy and go to the Magic Castle last night. #besttimeever
Los Angeles! Tomorrow from 2-5pm I'll be at the North Central Animal Shelter, where an adopt-a-thon is going down. Come meet the animals and get a photo with me: 3201 Lacy St. Los Angeles, CA 90031
The grand prize winner of my charity raffle @ljphillips3 -- We got totally fuckin rad in Austin for five straight days, played with fire, skateboards, cameras, and made a fuckin hit comedy special for Showtime. Thanks to everyone who donated to the David Lynch Foundation.
I'm so grateful for @thekatvond @roxylope (and so many more of my friends) flying to Austin to support me at the taping of my comedy special. I did two shows, and the second one was the best show I've ever done. And I answered at least seven questions! #televisionhistorywasmade #thankyou
It seems one of the two shows I tape tomorrow will hurt more than the other. Time to place your bets, folks-- how many questions will I be able to answer in 30 seconds? Thanks in advance to @timkennedymma #imfucked #mycomedyspecialisgonnabeinsane #guiltyascharged #thanksknox
Big thanks to @timkennedymma and @joerogan for turning me onto the @onnit academy and everything they do! #getonnit
For my community service, I'm so happy to work for the @HumaneSociety's #PetsForLife program. Big news for them:
I think I just had the best breakfast ever... #really
Fuck shit up @rondarousey!!! Woohoo!!!
Columbia, Missouri! Come see me this weekend at Deja Vu Comedy Club, this Thurs-Sat. It's fuckin on, info at #yeahdude
I just dusted off my fire breathing backflip skills to see what it looks like to pop a huge hanging water balloon in super, super slo mo with @gavinfree. This is going to be an epic video. #yeahdude #SloMoGuys #AustinTX
Hangin with @thevegannom in #austintx -- here promoting the taping of my comedy special on Nov 21st. Link with promo code in my bio. THREEDAYZTILHAIZ!!!
Here is what I have to say about SeaWorld announcing today that it will phase out its orca show in San Diego (new cartoon by @mikehillier_design): "I'll be the first to admit that my latest SeaWorld protest was idiotic and illegal, but it was also quite effective. Since the news broke about my 30-da
Austin, Texas!!! This is the stage set for my Showtime comedy special, which will be loaded with more stunts and mayhem than you can shake a dick at! It's all going down in Austin, TX at the Paramount Theater on Nov 21, you can only get tickets at least ten days in advance, so do it now, link to get
Turns out it actually worked! #endoscopy #acidrefluxproblems #imallgoodtho #yeahdude
You only have to enter once to win the night of your life... with me at my SHOWTIME special…
Make me happy... Enter to be my VIP guest at my SHOWTIME comedy special in Austin, TX.
It's really awesome when my fans support my cause... Help raise money for kids and win big:
OHIO!!! I'm going to jail next month, but not before I rock the shit out of Toledo this weekend! Come see me at Laffs this Fri and Sat, info at #yeahdude
Win the chance to be my VIP in Austin,TX by supporting a great cause:
Only a few days left... Support Kids in need and win the chance to be my VIP in Austin, TX.
I'm thinking we could have a have a rad time together in Austin at my SHOWTIME special...
Walter and Bernie still aren't sure about Olivia, but we're making progress!
I'm not big on trying to tell anybody what to do, but I sure can say I'm a much happier person since making the choice to have compassion for all animals. Happy #worldVEGANday!!! #yeahdude

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