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Steve Carell
Today my 10 year old son said:"When life gives you lemons, squeeze the lemons in life's eyes, and demand oranges."
Great admiration and respect for my friend (and film director) Jon Stewart. Nicely done. #Rosewater.
Robin Williams made the world a little bit better. RIP.
Pinocchio's Pizza in Cambridge hasn't changed since I was a kid. Still fantastic.
I binge watched my children today. Best show ever.
Bennett Miller wins best director at Cannes. I am ecstatic!!
I need a couple more months to work on my Royal Baby joke.
Sometimes I am reminiscent of a young Steve Carell.
Steve Martin makes me laugh harder than anyone.
If you tell a loved one to take a "Chill Pill", it will have the opposite effect. Also, "Chill Pills" are not yet FDA approved.
Harold Ramis. Funny, gracious, kind hearted. A joy to have known you.
So far this year I have had Olympic Fever, World Series Strep Throat, and Superbowl Diarrhea.
It is a bad sign when you forget what show you're watching during the commercial.
Download the #NewU2Song 'Invisible' for FREE now and $1 goes to @RED's fight against AIDS. #U2Invisible RT Thanks!
My TV just told me that "Everything is better in a Perfect Bacon Bowl". I had no idea.
Every six years I purchase a can of Underwood Deviled Ham thinking that it will be something other than what it is.
"Here's my beard. Ain't it weird? Don't be sceered. Just a beard."-George Carlin
Thinking of my dad, Edwin, and all veterans today.
Last night, my son explained to me that "Pumpernickel" loosely translated, means "Devil's Fart". He is, in fact, correct.
I wish that I had a better attention.
Why did I just spend an hour on Amazon looking at sweatpants? I don't need/want a pair of sweatpants.
I love that new reality show where everyone argues with one another.
I love that new TV show about the really attractive cops/witches/vampires/firefighters/forensic investigators.
I'm glad that the unauthorized use of NFL broadcasts is "strictly prohibited"; if it were just "prohibited" all hell would break loose.
Still working on Royal Baby joke. May end up being a Royal Infant, or Royal Toddler joke.
"Give a Stranger a Smile Day" results: 23% confused, 34% agitated, 43% annoyed.
"Royals" by Lorde. Love it.
This is not a paid endorsement: The NutriBullet is awesome.
Thank you Restaurant Gary Danko. Outstanding dinner. Outstanding staff. Perfect.
I am going to do a "Royal Baby" joke in about four months. Hope that it's not played out by then.
I like people who take things literally.. It saves on the explaining.
I like people who pretend to be unique.
Massachusetts+Friendly's Fribble=Summertime
On July 7th, 237 years ago, our founding fathers must have been crapping their pants.
Bought a fart gun at Target today. For my kids. Not for me. For my kids. They think that it's hysterical. Not me. Fart gun.
James Gandolfini. Unbelievably sad news. A fine man.
Wrought iron furniture is as comfortable as wrought iron underwear.
To "dabble" is to be bad at something from time to time.
Tomorrow I am going to start not growing a beard.
Watched an entire episode of "Good Luck Charlie" and realized that neither of my kids were in the room.I think I'm a "Good Luck Charlie"fan.
Thank You Scranton.
I can see how typing the word "prolly" instead of "probably" is a huge time saver. Much like the cotton gin.
The best thing about being not overly attractive, is that, as you age, you merely become less not overly attractive.
My heart aches for the people of Boston.
Jonathan Winters was wildly funny.
This morning my wife asked my son if he had made his bed. Johnny: "Yes and no." Nancy: "What does that mean?" Johnny: "No."