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2NITE!: My guests
@The_National R known 4 their melancholy sound. They've got a great beat, and U can really weep in the shower 2 it! 11:30p
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it might be a prairie dog, because I often get them confused with ducks.
Folks in Portland, OR are protesting adding fluoride to the water. They're more into locally sourced, artisanally reduced forms of fluorine.
To avoid the IRS targeting me as a conservative, I file all my taxes under the name Chef Boyardee.
2NITE!: "Benghazi is the biggest scandal since sliced bread was caught funneling money to Nicaraguan death squads."
@ColbertReport, 11:30pm
Just went to Monticello. Man, Jefferson did everything! He was like James Franco, but with slaves!
#almost saiddonaldgloverbuttheslavething
Tommy loved the brown sugar!
#DNA Venezuela claims it's short 40 million rolls of toilet paper. Hopefully it can reach under the stall and borrow some from Colombia.
Like
@RepGwenMoore tonight? Give a shout out of love to my sometimes black friend!
#longhug I want to thank
@RepGwenMoore for riding along on my Invisible Harley. Next year, we're going to Imaginary Sturgis.
2NITE: I Better Know Milwaukee, the NYC of Wisconsin if the Big Apple were deep fried and smothered in cheddar sauce.
@ColbertReport 11:30pm
Can I get a spellcheck on "wahoowa"?
MSWord thinks I'm trying to spell "washbowl"!
I'm the valedictory speaker at UVA this Saturday!
#wahoowa Maxim's Hot 100 List is bogus. Some of those girls look WAY younger than 100.
My guest
@AuthorDanBrown sez any bestseller needs a chase. U hear that, Hwy Patrolman Clark? I was just giving U a book idea! TCR, 11:30pm
I found out about the IRS's shameful behavior on the catamaran that's my home office.
New UN report says edible insects could solve world hunger. May already be working--my appetite just vanished.
#cOlbertsBookClub 2nite! We'll be talking about THE GREAT GATSBY in detail: p.30, p.71, p.143--nothing's off limits!
@ColbertReport, 11:30pm
2NITE! "Congress spent last week debating whether they're 'deadlocked' or 'gridlocked' until they finally reached a stalemate." TCR, 11:30pm
If I had my druthers, I'd have someone explain to me what 'druthers' are.
Can't believe former Poet Laureate
@RobertPinsky asked me to prom. I totally thought he was going with Maya Angelou.
Another epic Prom-Posal coming at you: Stacy, will you go to prom with Rick? (Odds are that applies to someone.)
Watching that footage of the burning car in Benghazi makes me nostalgic for my old Gremlin.
Only 3 more days till we find out: THE GREAT GATSBY...or THE GREATEST GATSBY?
#cOlbertsBookClub Of course Jesus was a hipster. Those 40 days he spent wandering the desert? He was trying to find Burning Man!
2NITE!: My guest Robert Caro has written 4 books about LBJ. Now we'll finally find out what the "B" stands for!
@ColbertReport, 11:30pm
Lowcountry Nation in SC's 1st District: Go Vote Tomorrow! Whoever the winner is, I wish her luck.
#SisterPower cOlbert's Book Club ALERT! Only 1 week left to finish THE GREAT GATSBY! If you love stories about directions & eggs, you're in luck!
2NITE! My guest is Sir Ben Kingsley. I'll ask him why he's the only British actor not in the Harry Potter movies.
@ColbertReport, 11:30 pm
An elementary school in New York City is going 100% vegetarian. The kids are going to go wild for Taco Shell Tuesdays.
Fans of freak shows and funnel cakes: check out ZIPPER: CONEY ISLAND'S LAST WILD RIDE, Sat. May 4th
montclairfilmfest.org #zipperride 2NITE: My guests are
@macklemore &
@RyanLewis of the hit song "Thrift Shop." I promise to show them some Goodwill!
@ColbertReport, 11:30pm
It's that time of year again: the Montclair Film Fest! Like girls? Like guns? See A GIRL AND A GUN, Sat 5/4!
montclairfilmfest.org #girlgun The first World Wide Web page launched 20 years ago today. Followed quickly by the first hasty clearing of web browser history.
2NITE! My guests Evan Spiegel & Bobby Murphy developed
@Snapchat. It's hipper than their competitor's app, Velcrotalk
@ColbertReport, 11:30p
2NITE!: My guest is Iggy Pop
@Iggy_Stooges, Godfather of Punk. He's about to meet the 3rd Cousin of Easy Listening.
@ColbertReport, 11:30pm
Join cOlbert's Book Club! Read THE GREAT GATSBY by 5/9! After that we'll read the sequel, 2 GREAT, 2 GATSBY!
You have til 5/9 to read THE GREAT GATSBY. Or as I'm calling it until I read it, THE HOLDING-MY-JUDGMENT GATSBY.
#cOlbertsBookClub How bout that information super highway? (Just trying to make internet small talk)
Join cOlbert's Book Club and read THE GREAT GATSBY by 5/9. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a book.
Check out ALPHA HOUSE, created by Garry Trudeau, & featuring a cameo by America's fave pundit. (HINT: I mean ME!)
amzn.to/11I55NZ cOlbert's Book Club starts 2nite! Read THE GREAT GATSBY by 5/9. If this club takes off, I'm gonna make this F. Scott Fitzgerald guy huge!
The TSA has delayed its plan to allow knives on planes. So I got my Swiss Army Knife a visa and passport for nothing?!
I taught
@billclinton to tweet! This is almost as exciting as the time I taught Cheney "Dance Dance Revolution."
TONITE!: My guest is superstar NASCAR driver
@DanicaPatrick. I wonder if she can teach me how to parallel park.
@colbertnation, 11:30pm
When it comes to math, I never carry the one. Hey, I work all day--it should be carrying me.
2NITE: "Thanx 2 the sequester, if you've flown in the last couple days, U may have noticed U didn't fly in the last couple days." TCR, 11:30
2NITE: In honor of guest
@michaelpollan, I filled his dressing room with Tostito Scoops. Farm your way out of that, Pollan!
@ColbertReport