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Stephen Colbert
comedian comedy television news 6,287,198 followers
Drug cartels now control the lime trade. Key lime pie still available, but it'll cost you about $30,000/key.
  8h
It's April 23rd - when the Earth returns all the gifts it got yesterday.
Thanks, @CakeBossBuddy! I can’t wait to eat this. I happen to know my head is delicious! pic.twitter.com/QKRvrPXUJZ
TONIGHT: I defend America's middle class and adapt to the devastating lime shortage. @ComedyCentral, 11:30/10:30c
TONIGHT: @UKCoachCalipari discusses his new book, "Players First: Coaching from the Inside Out" @ComedyCentral 11:30/10:30c
AOL email accounts have been hacked, severely compromising our nation's supply of heartwarming forwards from our grandmothers!
Last night's show, my best yet. on.cc.com/1iKTDKQ
Former Justice Steven proposed six changes to the constitution. I've only got two: 1) no changes 2) more guns.
Is there a Norton Anti-Virus, but for your body? Asking for a friend who just opened the wrong email with his mouth.
It's Earth Day but I'll never recycle a thing! It's Earth Day but I'll never recycle a thing! It's Earth Day but I'll never recycle a thing!
Tonight I better know a Congressman from California's "The Angels". This is America, city names, speak English!
TONIGHT: Has the homosexual agenda infiltrated our prestigious U.S. stamps? @ComedyCentral, 11:30/10:30c
TONIGHT: Columnist @georgewillf discusses his new book, "Nice Little Place on the North Side" @ComedyCentral 11:30/10:30c
Last night's show, my best yet. on.cc.com/1pnYTt9
A new study says America's infrastructure is crumbling. Good news: now the Highway to the Danger Zone is also part of the danger zone.
Oscar Meyer is recalling 96,000 pounds of hot dogs for containing cheese. A hot dog made with an identifiable food? Gross!
I'm back tonight with new shows after my crazy week-long time travel adventure where I travelled forwards through time at a normal rate
TONIGHT: Is @HillaryClinton staging things to gain political advantage? And, @KenBurns talks Gettysburg Address. @ComedyCentral 11:30/10:30c
I'm on break next week so get ready for some reruns. Don't worry, the commercials are brand new!
Last night's show, my best yet. on.cc.com/1eg9qSl
I knew there weren't any orcs in the audience tonight because Sting wasn't glowing blue.
TONIGHT: Is botox good for your mental health? And @OfficialSting performs a song off his new album. @ComedyCentral 11:30/10:30c
Let's see...what to tweet about, what to tweet about? I got nothing. What's new with you?
TONIGHT: @OfficialSting discusses his new album & musical, "The Last Ship" and the 25th Rainforest Fund Concert. @ComedyCentral 11:30/10:30c