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Stephen Colbert
Being an American is genetic. It's right there in our DNA: CGGATTCACCTACTACCTAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSAUSA!
TONIGHT: Former British Foreign Secretary, @DMiliband, discusses the international response to ebola. @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet is feminist iconography, symbolizing the idea that jets are hard to draw.
I thought I was getting a lot of early Trick or Treaters this year until I remembered that my house is haunted.
TONIGHT: Jill Lepore discusses her new book, " The Secret History of Wonder Woman." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Much love to all my twitter bot followers! #0110001001101111011101000111001100110100011001010111011001100001
Last night's show, my best yet.
Who do I love more: my gun or my dog? One goes crazy when the mailman comes, although the dog can be annoying too.
Happy National Chocolate Day! Enjoy it, because you won't have an excuse to eat candy for another three days!
TONIGHT: Best-selling author Michael Lewis discusses the 25th anniversary of his book, "Liar's Poker." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
I'm back tonight with a new episode! It's a great way to get over a case of the Mondays, because when the show is over, it'll be Tuesday.
TONIGHT: Host of "The Meredith Vieira Show," @meredithvieira. @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Season 2 of Alpha House out now! I was in season 1, so Season 2 must be twice as good as I was. That's just math.…
Last night's show, my best yet.
It's no fair debating with a fan. I've done it. You try speaking into it, and it just distorts your words. #Fangate
TONIGHT: Author @WDeresiewicz discusses his new book, "Excellent Sheep." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
Fix my height, Google! And add it in nautical miles! I'm 0.0009738nmi, not 0.00096nmi you monsters!
TONIGHT: The director of the new film "Dear White People," Justin Simien. @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
What a coincidence! I interviewed Neil Young just weeks after his CSN&Y bandmate, Bill Cosby!
TONIGHT: Folk rock legend @Neilyoung discusses his new book, "Special Deluxe: A Memoir of Life and Cars." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
It's Monday the 13th! Not as spooky as Friday the 13th, but you still have to go to work for four more days. OOOOoooOOOOooo!!!
There are only 32 episodes left of The Colbert Report. So if you haven't already, before tonight's episode, catch up on the last 9 seasons.
TONIGHT: Author @WalterIsaacson discusses his newest book, "The Innovators." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
Can't we forget the terrible things Columbus did the same way we overlook Betsy Ross's cockfighting ring? Haven't heard of it? Exactly!
TONIGHT: @RobertPlant performs "Rainbow" from his new album, "Lullaby and the Ceaseless Roar." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
For YOUR war name, add a word that describes your grandfather to the name of the last animal you killed! Ex: Operation Racist Raccoon.
I dislike gay marriage for the same reason I like sports: something, something, tradition, deep sexual frustration, nachos.
More than half of all Americans now live in a state where gay marriage is legal. Had no idea that many people could fit in Vermont!
TONIGHT: Legendary comedian Carol Burnett stars in the Broadway show, "Love Letters." @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Last night's show, my best yet.
Another triumph for Triumph! But I wish he'd stop the cigars. Bad for kids to see him SMOKE while humping strangers!…
All pandemic policies can be written in a tweet. Ebola: close borders. Bird flu: kill birds. Swine flu: We die, losing bacon not worth it.
TONIGHT: Writer Leon Wieseltier celebrates the 100th anniversary of The New Republic. @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
I have reached a point in my adult life where I can, in fact, believe it's not butter.
Last night's show, my best yet.
No disrespect to the Confederacy, but I prefer Jefferson Davis' later work as Starship.
TONIGHT: James McPherson is the author of, "Embattled Rebel: Jefferson Davis as Commander in Chief."@ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Scientists in the pacific northwest are warning that marijuana farming is threatening local salmon. And also, anything else delicious.
I sit down with @SteveCarell on 11/21 @NJPAC for @MontclairFF. It'll be like our classic segment, "Even Carelbert."
Last night's show, my best yet.
TONIGHT: Author of "Sally Ride: America's First Woman in Space," @LynnSherr. @ComedyCentral. 11:30/10:30c.
Comedy - catch it before the fad is over! See Trap at @TJandDave's theater, @MissionChicago.