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Greg (in the water)
I hate everyone in my family so much. They're all archetypal bitches.
Why are people online so fucking weird
I wish children could understand how much I truly detest them, but their weak minds can't make sense of such strong hatred.
Ed: What do you guys think about this Caitlyn Jenner stuff Me: I have actual things to think about
My parents bring it up all the time
I want "fuck all of you bitches" tattooed on my forehead
Daily Twitter Checklist ✅Social issue ✅People mad about social issue ✅Issue taken to extreme ✅People mad about issue being taken to extreme
Nikki can't decide on a fucking restaurant for our post-date gossip dinner
I'm being oppressed online
I haven't smoked in 2 days even though I have weed
(sees a babe with clean shaven armpits) nice internalized misogyny bitch
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Imagine if Greg was out of the water
I'm wearing plain black and white roshes
I'm selling spaces in my bio for 60k
There should be a twitter app without the timeline
I've graduated from a 43 year old to an (approximately) 55 year old
Wow.... looks like you've become mad online…
That feel when your father is proud of you online
My love... My sweet.... My turtle dove... My peach.... Will you do me the honor.... Will you marry me?
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@Tiresiasfish my baby boy Stefan had spaghetti for the first time today! It was so cute! He kept calling it Basketti! I love my son
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@vegetablefarmer Stefan is a beautiful boy. You must be so proud
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Other candidates > Trump > Clinton
Watch this with the volume off and just look at his facial expressions lol…
I consume mostly liquids now, so my stomach is flat like 70% of the time 💅
.@taylorswift13 trying to sell her TS 1989 clothing line in China. This is...really not going to work well.
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Scary tweets to spook your ass off
Ray Charles to the bullshit
Jennifer Aniston is so pretty
All children are retarded, your Downs Syndrome baby isn't anything special
It's killing me that I can't tell my work pals about my new man
🎶 Let's talk about investments baby 🎶 🎶 Let's talk about you and me 🎶
I've been drinking one cup of coffee for over an hour and I'm not done.
Is Chair Ass a medical condition
I was playing "Manic Monday" by The Bangles and the bitch receptionist popped her head in to say that it's actually Thursday.
Never really questioned the fact that my office has red walls. Maybe they make me alert and improve productivity.
ugh... once again MORE misogyny hidden behind what these problematic sub-humans call "jokes"...
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I don't read you guy's tweets anymore, you ruined that for yourself.
When you and bae both hold shares in Raytheon ❤
Rob: My sister hit and killed a man on a motorcycle and totaled her car so I'm letting her drive one of mine Me: that's so crazy
I'm physically sick and mentally feeling amazing
My mom was like "you smell like chlorine, does the mall have a pool now" and walked away

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