I cannot live in this petty country anymore
How long did it take your staff of 823 people to think that up--and where are your 33,000 emails that you deleted? twitter.com/hillaryclinton…
After I make plans with someone and they don't text back
Why would you even put University of Phoenix on your Facebook
I can tell the size of a man's dick just by sucking it
how many fucks do you give? there is only one answer: too many
When you're single for way too long
people complain about curved dicks in porn but im wqtching this chick suck the straightest dick ever and im not feeling comfortable
When he eats your ass then tries to kiss you
Why did I just remember this
Adult humor is inappropriate
Strange happenins round these parts
I only like the guac at chipotle, Mexican restaurants do it so weird!!!!
I haven't left my apartment since I discovered Courage the Cowardly Dog is on Netflix
It is a milestone that she is the 1st woman 2 b nominated 2 a major party. She's also the 1st Republican to b the nominee for the Democrats.
my grandma didn't know that you can adjust the brightness of phone screens so she's been texting with her sunglasses on for months
What the fuck is happening here
Okay I'm 2 months late but it's time for the 2016 edition. Like this to enter. Or don't. I don't care about anything anymore.
Deactivate this account please twitter.com/truthorange/st…
u should've died in kick ass twitter.com/ChloeGMoretz/s…
A fat southern woman slowly performing Taylor Swift songs as spoken word
I keep accidentally liking pictures while trying to slide up the control center
I have brain cancer from the moments tab
Jesus was a lesbian woman of color
I thought a ball bearing was some sort of odd sexual device
yall stay been fake on this internet
I'm gonna be blacked out by 5pm
Playing around with weapons
I don't know anything. My brain is completely void.
I swear I'm always taking a shit
Drinking some green shit so I look cool
Yes, this is pretty much the only thing I know about either tick bites or Lyme disease twitter.com/nychealthy/sta…
God I can't even remember the last time I poured gasoline in a man's mouth
kanye west vs hydraulic press
I love sleeping because I'm not in a vortex of mental anguish when I'm sleeping.
Twitter is over we can all log off now