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trying super hard to not say negative things or compare myself to other females and work on myself instead
when life hits u hard out of nowhere pic.twitter.com/N7yA5SvqJ5
I need to hire someone to play w my hair all the time
im so unconfident that even in my wildest fantasies, i dream of being someone who could have potentially succeeded under other circumstances
Whenever you feel self conscious, just remember there's at least one person who jacks off to you
COP: do u know why i pulled u over
ME: bc my car is made of empty kraft mac n cheese boxes?
COP: lucky guess. have a nice day.
Apparently mimosas aren't included in juice cleanses
I'd like to think that you're worth my time but you embody everything that I hate
Why doesn't anyone ever send me flowers
someone is learning to grab his toes pic.twitter.com/HyyeiOJYAQ
Why does Oliver take long naps during the day but then sleep shit at night someone please tell me
overwhelmed and exhausted by simple tasks
AZ needs to frick off with all of this humidity
I don't ask for much in relationships just don't lie to me & don't make me feel like I have to compete w/ other girls to keep ur attention
Men are so dumb like they could literally stab you in the face and be like "what's wrong why are you mad what did I do"
*gives music recommendation*
WHY DO MY CATS PEE EVERYWHERE LIKE STOP
me: why am i so funny
me: i don't know
always great to be opinionated but even better when u educate urself and see both sides to every argument
You had a bad day at school? Tough chunks, bitcho. Why don't you call 1 800 Reality and ask them if life is fair. News flash: its fuckin not
*white person takes fully automatic 4 foot long machine gun into an airport*
cop: good day, good sir
*black person sneezes*
cop: he must die
I'm trying very hard to do this
Kid: Can I take a nap?
Me leaning in: Listen kid, we've got Etsy orders out our asses. No one leaves that fuckin crafts table
i wish caffeine actually had an effect on me
*stencils 'LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE' all over your man cave*
"You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead."
This honestly left me speechless pic.twitter.com/XstRLnvkxz
Being skinny is ok
Not being skinny is ok
Having curves is ok
Not having curves is ok
bashing someone for their body type is not okay
I tore you apart in my head
oh MY TONGUES THE ONLY MUSCLE ON MY BODY THAT WeRKS harder than my HEART
nothing says "i don't know how to have fun" like going bowling
when bae has to work from 7pm to 7am for who knows how long :-)
“not all cops” you're right, Charlie Swan would never do this pic.twitter.com/hLgmjfvYMy
My wife and I hit an important marriage milestone.
We had a fight entirely in fridge magnets. pic.twitter.com/sUvXbe2Fnn
this is me and my entire life in 6 seconds 😂vine.co/v/MJ7Q2ElXxnB
if i had to rate how much i love harry potter on a scale of 1 to 10 i'd say 9 3/4
It's so funny seeing girls randomly tweet "lol" bc girl I feel you what did you just see who you wanna fight what he do
I love how girls can wear boy boxers but if a boy even paints his nail a different color his sexuality is questioned. smh toxic masculinity