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Starla.
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im way too tired for today
I've learned to just not ask anymore
everyone's out at halloween parties and I'm just at home like pic.twitter.com/olw4pHIIjA
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me: [wearing my cool goth clothes] some guy yelling from a car: halloween was yesterday me: halloween is forever bitch
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tomorrow is going to be such a long day, but it's about time for a nice road trip
basically how my Halloween went plus some scary movies pic.twitter.com/rNVCos8SO0
If you drive drunk tonight i really hope from the bottom of my heart that you get a dui
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THREE pounds of candy and only ONE razor blade?!
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hot chocolate, doughnuts, and scary movies for Halloween! 🎃👻
this year, prepare your trick-or-treaters for adulthood by eating 20% of whatever they come home with
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only inviting ghosts to my Halloween party because they can't eat any of my snacks
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[Walks into kitchen] Hey, honey, do you know where I left my updog? "I want a divorce" Not much, what's up with you?
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just invented a drink called The Taylor Swift - it's two parts skim milk and one part water
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How it feels when you forget to say iced at Starbucks pic.twitter.com/8Tl1pHtnIl
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My cats have a very strict schedule. Sleep from 11 am - 5 pm, play for an hour. Sleep again from 7 pm - 11 pm and then play until 11 am.
80% of the pictures in my phone are of cats. What is my life.
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Have you ever had a threesome? (flashback to me eating a taco & burrito at the same time) Yes
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Afraid I'll never know what's good for me.
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It's 6:30 in the morning and both Tucker and Cheeto are being insanely needy
Be good to the ones who are good to you.
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really just want one of those cookie pizza things and a gallon of milk #brokeprobs
ain't it fun you can't count on no one
you were okay okay as a girlfriend but I was just more like his wife
for my bday get me a $200 gift card for starbucks or anywhere with iced coffee idec
the cookie place at the mall wouldn't make me a dick-shaped cookie, so my week is fucked
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I ❤️ bad dreams
it's all fun and games until you realize it's depressing and serious
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*develops mild cough* oh god i got ebola
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I get by with a little help from my friends.
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every time you listen to that new Taylor Swift song, an angel gets diarrhea
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I may be a douchebag 99% of the time, but I completely agree with this... pic.twitter.com/9Yqiw0sqSN
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do you like yoga? cause yoganna love this dick.
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I hate....when....people text...like this....
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find someone who makes you feel like the first sip of coffee
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*asks Alex to make me a plate of spaghetti* pic.twitter.com/KA90aGL2py
the arctic monkeys were in phoenix tonight and I didn't even frickin know
i don't get guys that have super hot girlfriends yet favorite selfies of girls that their girlfriend blows out of the water
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how come I feel like I'm made out of Bisquick
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(414): I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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every once in a while i check up on people i hate to make sure i still hate them i do
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