You're like a dream: you sometimes absolutely make no sense.
Sinclair and Dinoco: Basically the same thing.
(Rated M for mature)
-"Hahaha whatever"-12 year olds
They need to make a Twitter for idiots called "Twatter."
Apparently some of the old Disney channel shows air between 12am-6am. Guess who's not going to be sleeping anymore?
Dogs on TV can do tricks, play fetch, protect their owner. All my dog can do is enjoy the sweet smells of another dog's asshole.
Oh so you think you're good at something eh? Well just remember somehow, somewhere an Asian is better than you.
-Me:"Who could that be?"
*Looks through peephole
-Me:"Oh GAWD STRANGERS!"
You know what sucks? Having your redneck friends making racist jokes in public. FML
So your parents buy you an amazing computer with high graphics, 10 gigabytes of ram, and an HD resolution, but you only use it to Skype?
I don't know what's worse: war, or the YouTube comment section.
-Girl:"If only you could see the world through my eyes."
-Guy:"Im blind, fuck you!"
Stupidity - Calling a boss a hacker during the campaign.
Apparently I need a 4 page instruction manual on how to put a fucking charger into a wall.
So two bars walked into a guy...
Oh I'm sorry. Did your face hit my fist? Here, let me use my other fist to clean up the damage.
That one kid who always says "awkward silence" really loud when everyone is trying to take a test.
I love how Asian restaurants have forks for the noobs who don't know how to use chop sticks.
*Afterthoughts at the movies
-Girl:"OMG, I loved how he put his arm around me, so sweet."
-Guy:"That popcorn was just absolutely amazing."
It seems like whenever someone takes me seriously I blow it by making them feel awkward.
They say you learn from your failures, however I got all D's in high school and it taught me nothing.
How to make a Grammar Nazi angry: Don't make any grammar mistakes.
At a restaurant, I asked A balloon maker to make me a snake as a joke. I was surprised. I got back a sophisticated two-headed cobra hat.
When I was a kid, I used to feel special. Then I found out everyone got a trophy. FML
I was always that one kid who lied and told the substitute about the random bullshit we never did when the teacher was there.
How did a device used in a woman's vagina turn into something people tell other people when they're being complete assholes?
6 inch, 7 inch, 8 inch. OUCH