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sinastr
Throw parties. ⁰But have someone else clean up the next day. #HowToBeAMan
  5h
I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY - my mom
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Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money.
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If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
  5h
Pro athlete secret tip for relieving sore muscles. sinastr.com/r/2aK58 - sp
  6h
90% of your body is water. 6% is delusion. 4% is lies.
"Try it, it's so good!" "Come on, man. Just a taste." "I'm having some. Mmmm." "Trust me." Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer.
My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it's your neighbor's window and they're calling the cops?
#ThingsIGotAWhoopinFor bad jokes such as: make the little things count...teach midgets math.
It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine
When I grow up I want to be a kid.
Stupid seal at the zoo would not sing "kiss by a rose." REFUND!
Michael Phelps has a shocking announcement! sinastr.com/r/2aBXR - sp
The more people know about you the more they will judge you, and you will have to care less or it will consume you.
"When I think of you, there are some capital gains in my pants." - sexy accountant pickup lines
Brb gotta check Facebook to see who has posted a selfie of themselves at the gym- gotta love my friends who work out! So inspired!
*An Icelandic cop knocks on a door* "Mrs Jónsdóttir? There's no easy way to say this. Your husband fell into the volcano Eyjafjallajökull
Saw a guy steal a car using a hanger so I did what any normal person would do, walked up to him & asked "You that guy from Grand Theft Auto?
What women really should be wearing in the work place. sinastr.com/r/2awJo - sp
Dance like nodody's watching, love like no one can give the authorities a helpful description, stalk like there's no restraining order.
Nothing like watching grown women sing "my ding a ling" welcome to #neworleans #mydingaling #drunksongs
Appreciate every moment. #lessonfromJames
I'm just trying to change the color on ya mood ring....
What do bats eat that makes their shit our standard for crazy?