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sinastr
Don't you wish bulk pack of reality check was on sale at cvs?
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I was told this yesterday: "If she never used dial-up Internet she's too young for you bro"
"I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed" -haunted house designer
Things created special by God: 1. Pizza. 2. Alcohol. 3. Bacon. 4. Alcohol. 5. Weekends. 6. Alcohol.
Clothes make the man. Indonesian children make the clothes.
Seems like the most reliable way to get rid of some people is just to lend them money....))
Him: It should be illegal for white people to wear dreads. Me: Are you Italian, my brother? Him: No. Me: Then no more pizza for you
There's Gold in them teeth! - Prospector in a rap studio
I'm working on a screenplay called '127 Seconds' about my fat co-worker getting his hand stuck in a Pringles tube.
Gay used to mean happy, then it meant homosexual, then it meant kind of lame, now it's just gay.
Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?
remember when people would choke on cinnamon to entertain the internet now you fuckers read my shit #losers #nashvegas
Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
My O face looks just like when I'm out of beer and I find one hiding in the back of the fridge.
Throw parties. ⁰But have someone else clean up the next day. #HowToBeAMan
I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY - my mom
Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money.
If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
Pro athlete secret tip for relieving sore muscles. sinastr.com/r/2aK58 - sp
90% of your body is water. 6% is delusion. 4% is lies.