Let me hear you say CLOSER.
Blocking somebody is like taking a big time dump after. It feels so good!
12 days til Hello December.
I wonder if Dracula turns to his side when he's sleeping...
Is that your head stuck in your ass? No wonder you're not thinking right.
Cloudy with a chance of fists fight.
Too many self proclaimed geniuses, Still no cure for baldness.
Thank you for hot showers!
It's a cold 14 degrees monday morning.
Mend an object. As you mend, you mend something inside your soul as well. You mend something in the world as well.
Therapy is watching a great movie before going to sleep. There's Tina Fey in it!
That's why they are judges and you are not. #OnlyHuman #UFC167
Farts travel at an average speed of 10 feet per second.
What time is it? It's past Shut The Fuck Up o'clock!
We are half way past November.
First day of the work week again. Looking forward to go back to bed...again.
"Dickhole is the new Asshole." #goodtoknow
Nothing lasts forever. Like free wifi.
Sometimes, Try to hit yourself on the balls and find out how it hurts.
If you want me to explain the joke then it's no longer a joke. It becomes a movie.
Truth hurts. That's why most of us would rather believe an illusion.
Elysium: A film where all its A list stars died in the story.
Weekend Tomorrow. Hmmm... What to watch, CARRIE, THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, PARANOIA OR THE HAUNTER? Hmmm... MACHETE KILLS it is!
“It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it.”
whenever I fart on the bus and 4 people turn around I feel like I'm on 'the voice'
“You know, it's just one small step from legacy to lame duck.” Bill Clinton
Aanhin pa ang dinonate ko kung wala na yun dapat makinabang nito?
The Walking Dead just gets better and better. Just watched E5.
Cheetos is calling me, so is Lay's and Doritos is humping my leg.
1 corn on a cob + 1 apple = Lunch
Don't sleep at work. The Boss will kiss you then wake you up. Ahahaha!
: Your own problems are like smelling something bad and forgetting you farted."
The most difficult challenge an honest man will ever face is having to choose between duty and love.
Violet and Daisy
I'm gonna soar like an eagle and drop the biggest bird poop on your windshield.
Whenever someone says "I'm happy for you," There's always that FML situation that comes with it.
That Awkward moment when most of your followers are flies.
When somebody gives you mint, take a hint.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
That brief moment of bliss most people call PAYDAY.
“Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling, enduring, and accomplishing.”
“Goodness can be found sometimes in the middle of hell.”