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Shit On Your Tweet
give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. teach a man theres plenty of fish in the sea but for som reason he still wont get over janice
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[to astronaut brother] Ooooh la la Gary's going to SPACE *does jerkoff motion* I'll be here on EARTH where my pizza & tv won't FLOAT AWAY
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Look guys i thought a gangbang was where we all played drums together, i don't want any part of whatever's happening here
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I feel like when life gives me lemons I just give them back because I hate holding stuff.
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Drunkards>Kenyan Politicians
Anyone here knows how to fill Rental income tax returns?
No wonder people are racist against Africans. That salgaa shit was primitive as fuck
GOT gives more jobs than the Govt of Kenya
What is Milner smoking?
Grealish is as overrated as? A. Januzaj B. Welbeck
(I come back my wife, panting) You sure you donโ€™t want to play in the ball pit? โ€œThis is the last time you choose our Anniversary dinner.โ€
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I hate when Iโ€™m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.
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Reports are that he went to Russia, given a horse and told to take it as far as it can go and all the land he stumbles upon is his.
Sepp Blatter got to be guilty though.
I assumed bulletproof vests had pockets for extra badass stuff. Well I just saw an officer pull a granola bar out of one so it's true.
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The ref just told Lescott "Shut up Meg" Cause he's ugly.
Apparently south Africa has a King
With the shit Nigerian adverts it is safe to assume Nigerian chicks are easy cause its pretty easy to Amuse Nigerians.
I would take Varane over Hummel's anytime.. Actually I wouldn't even take Hummel's at all.
@ShitBEGone @Vee_maseke ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜† you're funny babe real funny
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Boo and Beer. Don't get better than that...๐Ÿป ๐Ÿ’
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I would quit but you see the way my ambition is set up...
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Congratulations to @drizzy_moray for taking a technical lead in the Loyal To The Game #FPL league. Enjoy the temporary stay at the top, son
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Gays should stick to just fishing for complements elsewhere.
I think gays should be banned from writing/directing/producing TV series. I was just about starting to like Tyrant.
De Gea needs to be dropped.
Why isnt anyone mentioning how useless De Gea has been for us in the last year.
Unauliza dere mix ni ya DJ mgani anasema ni yake "@hos_utd: Unaingia jav unashow msee ako next seat wewe ni DJ anakushow pia yeye ......"
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If you think about it as a Holland fan, you'd rather you meet Brazil at the Final cause honestly they're just shit.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone when you buy flowers because they're also a snack for later.
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Origi will be a definite failure in Liverpool. You heard it here first.
I don't know where I am!! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM!!
I'm high and my conscience still Argues, French Montana is shhieet
Oh God, so good The music plays on
Got to protect your property, even heaven's gated.
Why would anyone want to shoot themselves or others when we live in a world where weed, titties, Game of Thrones and free music exists?
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"It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.
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You can buy a birthday cake if it's not your birthday, those dipshits don't even check your ID.
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Her desires are innate
Strange dreams, heavy rains, white walkers. These are the things that trouble my soul.
Everyone in Kenya hates you people with bags.
Yes, yes. Just bring your bags to my place.
"Can I have more of these mouse spears?" "Sir those are toothpicks" "I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"
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I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time.
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