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Shit On Your Tweet
Got to protect your property, even heaven's gated.
Why would anyone want to shoot themselves or others when we live in a world where weed, titties, Game of Thrones and free music exists?
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"It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.
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You can buy a birthday cake if it's not your birthday, those dipshits don't even check your ID.
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Her desires are innate
Strange dreams, heavy rains, white walkers. These are the things that trouble my soul.
Everyone in Kenya hates you people with bags.
Yes, yes. Just bring your bags to my place.
"Can I have more of these mouse spears?" "Sir those are toothpicks" "I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"
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I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time.
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[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"
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I wouldn't wanna die hungry.
#np Kari Jobe - Find you on my knees
Any girl posting baby pictures is not worthy unprotected sex
Its plain stupid to date a girl that listens to a lot Nigerian Music and Riddim
Still yet to choose who is my favorite between Lana Del Rey and Biffy Clyro
imagine if your fridge did what you do everyday,every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5minutes then leaves
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The most feared killer whales are the ones that have done time in Seaworld.
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*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*
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*reads a note sombody put on my desk* [i heard u caught a cold! i hope it FLU away!] *drops note* what.. WAT IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE
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Nigerians eating human flesh, yo.