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Mrs. Gary Busey

6,572 followers
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I go camping all the time. Well, I start fires in my kitchen.
Let's go to Crate and Barrel and put our butts on stuff
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I rarely meet people that I don't wish were on fire.
Adam Driver nurturing infants 12-month calendar
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I play this fun game where I put on all the clothing I own and it feels like hugs
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
JESUS: I shall turn water to wine JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that's only 15% miracle JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I'll take a nerdy, intelligent woman over one with a perfect body every single chance I get.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I forgot my phone when I went to the bathroom. I think that counts as camping.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Girl, are you Kano from Mortal Kombat because you literally ripped my heart out. Also who yelled finish him before you did it, your new man?
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
The Allman Brothers couldn't have had a woman in the band for two reasons
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Interviewer: do you have any final questions? Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Ninety percent of being an accountant is fighting off the babes...
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
[packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If you enjoy country music, I feel like that's something you need to tell people up front.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If you don't like something it's okay to shut the fuck up about it and find something you do like.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I was going to backpack across Europe, but then I thought it might be more fun if I just didn’t.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
How was I supposed to know unleashing 342 cats in a club would turn to bone-chilling horror the instant the disco balls started up?
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
People who can go all day without charging their phone must really have their life together.
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Most people my age are older than me.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
"THROWBACK THURSDAY!" I yelled as I pedaled my Barbie Big Wheel off a cliff.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If you audibly answer 'Yes' when Rupert Holmes sings 'Do You Like Piña Coladas?' during Sunday morning brunch...you might be an alcoholic.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
GOLDEN GLOBE WINNER: American Horror Story: Channing Tatum's Hair.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course
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INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I'm beginning to think my best chance of fame is if someone names a syndrome after me.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If burglars ever broke into my house to look for money, I'd probably just search with them
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Sorry I acted crazy. It will happen again.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Take off all your clothes, no, leave your retainer on.
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Anxiety feels like every time you pull a strand of hair off your tongue, two more take its place.
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All my pajamas just banded together and pushed me out of the house.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I'm just a boy Standing in front of a girl Who's next to C-3PO Who's behind an ewok Who...wait, I think this is the line for Star Wars
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Interviewer: what are your future plans? Me: lunch Interviewer: I meant long term plans Me: what, like dinner?
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I want to perfect the messy bun to the point where girls question if I even have a home
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP "No" WE WON'T ASK AGAIN "No" Ok guys, let's go. We can't ask again
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I haven't forgotten, I just don't think about you anymore.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
It's weird how a celebrity's death can be so deeply felt, but today has an epic sadness written all over it. Planet earth is blue.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Can't I just win money like everyone else and wait until a family member dies and I inherent their shit
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"The stars look very different today..." The world has lost such an amazingly talented man. Rest easy, sir.
Most people believed in Godzilla until the emergence of the much more credible Sciencezilla
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
My body is a temple, please leave pizza and tacos at the altar.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don't be open.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
I don't bother thinking before I speak... because I enjoy being surprised by what comes out of my mouth like everybody else.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
A salad bar but instead of salad it's just different kinds of chips and dip.
Last night I couldn't sleep at all, just lying wide awake "Oh, insomnia?" No, in bed you idiot. Where the hell is Somnia?
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If someone hurts your feelings by accident, make sure you take it personally and hold a grudge for the rest of your life.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
If you have a problem with everyone, the problem is you.
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
Axl Rose: Where do we go? Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now? Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now? Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!
Retweeted by Mrs. Gary Busey
 




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