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On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks and go crazy. Then I leave before their real teacher arrives.
@sassypiehole @SamPsychMeds holy crap, it's like there's an echo in here. This is amazing
Struggles Only Sarcastic Ladies Will Understand via @SamPsychMeds #TheStruggleIsReal
When I get riled up, I write about it..."Because Cursing In A Blog Post Makes You A Whore!" via @SamPsychMeds #SuckIt
Words to live by! Thanks, @FoxyWinePocket ;-) 9 Rules of Swearing for My Children -
I'm going to make you sit there all night thinking about nothing, and everything, until the alarm goes off. Then I'll shut up. ~ Insomnia
I don’t mean to brag but... I snagged a Trina Turk halter at #NordstromRack for $30. In case you were wondering how I paid for it. #ad @bh
Walmart executive: "Ok, so here's the plan. We'll put 25-30 registers in each store. Then, we'll only put cashiers at 3 of them."
Guilty. RT @BackrowSeats: Salads don't kill people. People who eat salads kill people.
#TheStruggleIsReal RT @DaddyJew: Panic sets in at its fastest the moment you lose the remote and a Sarah McLachlan infomercial comes on
RT @DUKE_of_JERSEY: Everyone thought Jesus was so cool for walking on water Until Katrina and the Waves came along
How To Get Your 3 YO Into the Car In 40 Easy Steps - compliments of @jowisler #Truth #TheStruggleIsReal
Looks like @HayworthAudrey and @ModMomMad are at it again with their very own show on @MomCaveTV - I love these two!
I was up all night tossing and turning. I tried everything; I even tried reading LinkedIn.
Looks like @OutNumbMother found a way to make some extra cash. Babies... Start your engines! #BabyRacingIsAThing
Summer is officially OVER... A Tearful Goodbye To Aunt Flo #TheStruggleIsReal
If I win the lottery, I'm buying Facebook... then shutting it down.
So excited! "It's Really 10 Month Special Delivery" will be available Sept. 7th, but you can PRE-ORDER NOW on Amazon!
Breakfast with THE PIEHOLE: This is why you shouldn't have kids. #BackToSchool
People who drive 25 miles per hour in the fast lane should be beaten with the speed limit sign.
It shouldn’t take this long to slice a pound of turkey. You’d THINK she was related. #ButcherDillema
It is with great joy that I share my exciting news... I'M RICH!!
And the award for mother of the year goes to @LetMeStart:…
If anyone needs me, I'll be labeling school supplies from now until my kids graduate.
"Sweating like a pig" is the definition of menopause. Or so I've heard.
A-fucking-men! RT @mommyshorts: How To Raise A Kid Who Isn’t Whiny And Annoying via @HuffPostParents
If Trump gets elected, there'll be hell toupee.
I think someone abducted mother nature and took the humidity with her. It is GORGEOUS in Atlanta today!
Want to be one of the first to review our new book, "It's Really 10 Months Special Delivery?" Sassypiehole Wants YOU!
Do it. RT @LetMeStart: My plans for the last day of my kids’ summer camp this week is to TP the houses of whomever gave them both whistles.
Either Mt. Vesuvius just erupted in the bathroom or the air-conditioner is out again at my gym. Fucking Atlanta.
Congrats!! RT @moooooog35: Um. HUGE announcement coming soon on my fan page. Huge. Like, Tommy Lee HUGE.…
Cop: sir, have you been drinking? Me: define sir
“If toothpaste was made of honey, I would brush my teeth morning, noon and night!”

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