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"Mr wasp, I command you to fly through that open window and into that bathroom while that innocent human is in the shower" - Satan
How do people sleep at night when the button side of their duvet isn't at the bottom end of the bed
I need a pug to cheer me up on gloomy days. Their little squishy faces are just so funny.
China dolls and ventriloquist dummies are absolutely the most terrifying things in the world
I need wine. Copious amounts of wine.
Serious shopping trip is needed asap
#waynedyer #karma #quote
Such a surreal experience 🍴
Gazing out of the window, waiting for my takeaway delivery to arrive
Somebody please tell me why i have that F you right back song by whoever the hell it was stuck in my head. Why.
And on the fourth day, Satan created sleep paralysis
The problem with rich people is that I am not one
Hallelujah Friday is here
HALLELUJAH The weekend is here 💃😁🍹
This weekend needs to hurry it's ass up
In need of a spa weekend
Unbelievably saddened by the passing of Robin Williams. Bangarang, Peter.
First thangs first I'm Bruce Willis
Zeus is a bit angry today ⚡️
Throwback to the view I had a year ago today #tbt
As soon as Dominos/Pizza Hut text me, that's it.. pizza on the mind all day.
this magnifying facial mirror will be my suicide note.
Retweeted by Saffron
Today is the day I die
8:46 in the morning & so far I've burnt my fingers, walked into an overhanging branch, slipped on a pile of mud & was nearly hit by a car
Dancing around the kitchen, making fajitas, life is good.
We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong
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So jealous of everyone jetting off atm, I need another holiday already
White Girl: Do these uggs make my Starbucks look big? Me: What? White Girl: *You're
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We will never hear about the truly perfect crime
I need a little baby elephant in my life 🐘
If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the world briefly becomes a sandwich
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock
Everything is or isn't ice cream
July lasted about 30 seconds and I'm pretty sure we skipped June as well.
Retweeted by Saffron
So so so scandalous