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Jeff

I cannot support the “Hunt the Homeless for Sport” bill in its current form. It’s practically useless without the crucial harpoon clause
Retweeted by Jeff
In the past 30 days we've lost two of our best employees because they didn't win the H1B lottery. Keeping people in > getting people out
JUST OVER HERE ANSWERING WORK EMAILS WITH NON-ENTHUSIASTIC PUNCTUATION AS A POWER MOVE
Retweeted by Jeff
*whispering* they cannot arrest a father and son for the same crime
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I LOVE TO HIKE JUST GET OUT INTO NATURE AND RELAX AS COUNTLESS BEINGS AROUND ME FIGHT TO CLAIM THEIR PLACE IN A CRUCIBLE OF LIFE AND DEATH
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As a child I felt out of touch with childhood When I grew up I realized children's authors are out of touch with childhood
[shoving Millennials into the Centipede Pits] Millennials want weapons and ladders instead of a warrior's death in the Centipede Pits
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how many times could you lose your mind
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fuck being sad its 2017 we positive as hell from now on. call up your boy and tucc him into bed. kiss a bird. ride a horse bitch. we happy.
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This means that Spider-Man is also a furry
DJ Being Alone With My Thoughts For Even A Moment twitter.com/thatericalper/…
Retweeted by Jeff
Things Kendrick and Trump have in common: 1. They both need loyalty
Mobile payments
You've hit your peak -- and now an algorithm wants your job. What Do You do
I Did Not Like It One Bit When The President Stabbed That Little Girl In The Leg, commented one senator on his way to vote against trees
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I've rewritten We Didn't Start the Fire to reflect the current political climate: Donald Trump Ronald Pump Johnald Nonald Bonald Bump Pona
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I HAVE A LOT OF WORKPLACE NICKNAMES SPORT GARYS "FRIEND" THE CLOSER LAST PERSON TO SEE GARY FROM ACCOUNTING ONGOING PERSON OF INTEREST
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Put A Blockchain On It
Can we gamify the concept of empathy? Probably not. We can't even find all 160 racism crystals, let alone destroy them.
Retweeted by Jeff
IF THE MOON IS NOT THE SOURCE OF MY STRENGTH WHY DOES YELLING AT IT MAKE ME FEEL SO POWERFUL
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OH YAY SUMMER SOLSTICE FIRST DAY OF TANK TOP SEASON ICE CREAM IS BACK AND NOW A BRIEF BLOOD SACRIFICE FOR OUR ONLY TRUE GOD THE MOON
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Wow, looks like Travis Kalanick has big plans for the future:
Retweeted by Jeff
WOW I JUST GOT A MEMO FROM CORPORATE AND IT LOOKS LIKE GARY NEEDS TO GO TO A BIG MEETING IN THE WOODS AFTER DARK OH WAY TO GO GARY HUGE NEWS
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Whenever I see someone say "don't @ me" all I can think is "please @ me I'm so lonely"
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Yes, it was zardulu. It's always zardulu.
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FATHER - provides food and shelter DAD - plays catch with you GARY YOUR STEPDAD - eats all of the Froot Loops and runs over your dog
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All these dads
Millenials finally getting serious about buying houses twitter.com/TIME/status/87…
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"I'm trying to prove something to the devil"
bdsm stands for Bees Do So Much for the environment
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Media: Why are young people voting for socialist grandpas all of a sudden Young People: It’s their policies Media: Is it their sex appeal
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twitter users: let us edit tweets twitter: the stars are now hearts twitter users: an edit button please twitter: we made everything round
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"I'm thinking Comic Sans, but a whole interface"
When ur most recent update is going over well
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Blockchain currency for fastpass highway lanes mined by not driving like an asshole
WEIRD THAT WE ALL CARRY A SUPER GREASY PIECE OF GLASS EVERYWHERE WE GO
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I drive an Oldsmobile Jumanji
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I'm only into classic cars, which is why I refurbished a 63' Chevy Bugliosi
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Everyone turns out to be painfully human
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[crowded bar] friend: what do u think about this place? me (yelling over the music): I’M VERY UNEASY BUT TRYING TO FORCE MYSELF TO LIKE IT
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store: buy the organic. it’s twice as much me: how is it different store: it’s got bugs on it. eat them. eat the bugs me: well…ok
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JK Rowling: *eating a diamond* my golly gosh, these Poors really are annoying aren't they? Anyways Harry Potter's owl was bisexual
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