Sure there's the Xlerator and Airblade, but let's not ignore those understated pioneers who thanklessly dragged us on from the World Dryer.
Classic hand dryer. No bells and whistles, just gets the job done. Bravo. pic.twitter.com/IdNZjVaezM
I wish I'd had the chance to write for Thora Hird. Not a feeling you expect on a Friday night.
Got ID'd buying a bottle of Port! The fact that I beamed and thanked her made it fairly clear she was wasting her time, I think.
About to watch The Archers' cast in a jazz-backed poetry recital. I'll now have to swear and drink lager for a month to recover my roots.
On the plus side, Gogglebox is the best TV I've seen for years. I've seen this week's episode three times. #darklikeadungeon
The only joy I get from football is seeing a player stand on the ball and fall over. Every other aspect can eat shit.
: Follow our supporter @RonJichardson
's advice & sign bantigertrade.com
Only 3,200 wild tigers left.
FACT: If HS2 makes people any more nauseous than the Pendolinos, the smell of vomit will arrive 12 minutes before the train itself.
3 what now? I'm only... Oh. "@nellysimpson95
Sean Lock & @RonJichardson
- the 3 middle aged men that can always make my night"
I don't give out my best ideas for jokes on Twitter, but recipes don't count. Three words twitter... Wasabi Mushy Peas. You're welcome.
A baffling number of tweets suggest I have used Just For Men this week. Like Mark Twain, rumours that I have dyed are greatly exaggerated.
"Your e-ticket is attached. Please think twice before printing this email." Is this theatre warning that their show might be crap?
Just seen a "man" (@a_tweety_bird
) eat FOUR Revels in one go. WTMuthaLuvinF? I mean, why buy?.. It's just... I can't even... Unbelievable.
I will shortly be on BBC1 in the last Room101 of this series. Can I talk for half an hour on things I dislike, or will it end early? Ooh!
This week Jesus appeared to me as a piece of seaweed in Northumberland. Brace yourselves, he's a Cocker Spaniel. pic.twitter.com/CoakJ48C
Ladies? RT: @WCHSOnlineRadio
Make Sweet Love To Your Fingertips With These V-Day-Inspired Manicures bit.ly/WZR1N5
I can't believe "Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti" didn't catch on, but "Totes!" did. A cruel, cruel world indeed.
Steve Wright is now playing 'Non-Stop Oldies' that were 'Not Written Newies' when he started that feature. Amazing.
If you like fun, new Walk On The Wild Side is at 1630 on CBBC for the next 2 weeks. Very funny people doing silly voices. That's it really.
C4 9pm tonight the return of 8 Out Of 10 Cats with team captains @TheSeanLock @RonJichardson
& guests @TheRealJackDee
It seems @RonJichardson
is tweeting on my account from my iPad I left downstairs
No coffee in my brandy this morning. I guess that means Christmas is officially over.
Football! Football! Darts! Leftover Xmas chocs and booze! Best Sunday ever? Oh, it's that new Compare The Market advert. Think I'll go out.
Just woken up. What did I miss?
I'm about to use 'Radox Sleep Easy' bubble bath IN THE MORNING! Absolutely buzzing, this must be what it feels like to do drugs.
You said fucking what about my mum? pic.twitter.com/Ja9xHb8L
8OutOf10Cats does DealOrNoDeal is my last job this year. If you see me after tonight I'll be drunk and you'll see how sober Kim Wilde was.
In Bristol today to watch @RonJichardson
take on @OfficialBanker
. May the best man win. By which I mean @RonJichardson
Very odd end in Bristol to a very long tour. Massive thanks to everyone who came to any date since March.
My abandoned Bristol Colston Hall date has been rescheduled for Dec 15th. Free for ticket holders, refunds for those who can't make it...
... from as far as Dublin and Grimsby, only for a power cut to end the gig despite my best efforts. That's no way for a 9 month tour to end.
I've spent my share of time screeching in the dark, but never in front of 2000 paying people. So sorry to all who came to Bristol, even...
More exclusive podcast tomfoolery from Jon Richardson (@RonJichardson
) here. Listen sharpish: bit.ly/QOlcrv
Even bigger thanks to those who've sent positive messages. I've got more milk than any man could possibly need.
Releasing a DVD is the most pressure I've felt as a comic, so a huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who gambled and bought a copy.
Our first exclusive podcast with Jon Richardson (@RonJichardson
) is here and it's a lot funny: bit.ly/QcOrTj
Honest tweet: My DVD has served its sentence and is released today. A civilised society would give it a home and a future. Remember Brooks.
Cocky Tweet: Released today, my debut DVD is liked a caged tiger. Find it, before it finds you.
THIS IS MY HOUSE! I HAVE TO DEFEND IT! Yeeaaahhh bbboooiii! #shitgotreal
Watching 'Home Alone' with a Cointreau Hot Chocolate, just like I do every November 18th. From now on. #fuckfootball
. Today in the battle of Jon vs. Not getting too excited about being in a room with Adam Richman, Jon lost.
Have concluded my enquiry. YouTube evidence confirms that Ann Widdecombe is, in fact, Aughra from 80s classic 'The Dark Crystal'. Shocking.
Whose turn is it to run the BBC next week?
Sequel ordered. Until it arrives I will draw strength from the enduring love between Justin Bieber and Sele... Oh shit. Is nothing sacred?
Just finished The Passage by J.Cronin, which has been my support act on tour. Onwards, alone and even more embarrassed by my own writing.
Tasted more like sirloin to me. Crisp companies are taking the piss now, right? pic.twitter.com/pyYDVgnd
On tonight's #8Outof10Cats
for the first time ever: Jon Richardson raps.