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Jon Richardson
Three stars for Home Alone?! Netflix? Wet dicks more like. I'm putting Micro Machines near all your stairs.
Today's results: Sport 2-0 Humanity
Just back from some gigs in Norway. It looks like Santa will be using Uber to get about this year.
Bristol people please please please share. Paul's family are really worried #bristol #findpaul
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
Whenever I'm in a Virgin train toilet I wonder what happens in a bin's childhood for it to end up like this? So sad.
First day as a door-to-door flag salesman and an unexpected double sale. I must be good at this.
Been busy preparing for when Boris is PM, Trump is President and Branson owns space. Think I'm ready. #lizardleaders
You get married one month and then they release this. Thank you, world, now what do I do? Is there a double?
URGENT: After 4 months, live exports return to Ramsgate today.This cruelty must end, pls sign:
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
Highest on @RonJichardson shirt also signed by Kevin bridges,Noel fielding, @RachelRileyRR +others is £50 #teamronan
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
Congratulations Susan on the successful design of the plate! No more soggy knees at tea time. A Nobel prize awaits.
Given how literally this guy takes the word "laptop" computer, I don't want to see him get his bumbag out.
You only have to pass briefly through someone's life to leave lasting footprints on their heart. I miss you already.
BBC News confirming that these high winds are indeed the beginning of the end of days. Good riddance.
Thank God they haven't sold out! I've got some real tossers coming for dinner and haven't cooked anything! #waitrose
Finally a good news story! Sounds like a lovely day out for the kids with a very tasty ending...
This game of Toilet Poker is well and truly over now - I've hit the jackpot! Read 'em and wee...
"Where should we advertise?" "Wherever the brightest young minds are looking." "Leave it with me." #shapeyourfuture
So ends the long month of Movember. Sorry to lose this whopper, but time for Cardigancember. #testosterone
In my day it was just, "Squeeze my hand and hear me talk!" #generationsex
Water, watering onto water.
Harry Enfield with a perfect spoof of Steph and Dom from Gogglebox, 20 years before Gogglebox. Amazing.
In the meantime, here's a peek at the next show poster for @mattforde, "Twat In A Hat".
Having recorded my first DVD here, I can't help but feel responsible. Harsh review though.
Who knew BBC News was the place to get car cutlery storage ideas? This man could teach me so much!

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