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Jon Richardson
Also, my three part comedy road-trip with @mattforde about how to be happy starts on C4 tonight at 22:00. I hope it makes me you laugh.
I need help reaching someone. If you know driver of ??58 NPK on M42 at 1400 today, could you tell him he's a weapons-grade prick? Thanks.
In my day it was just, "Squeeze my hand and hear me talk!" #generationsex pic.twitter.com/yWPJG8Iukr
I dried myself in a different order this morning; it's thrown the whole day out of kilter. I was wrong to try something new at my age.
I'm going to spend the rest of today wondering why I worked so hard to see a picture of a retired cricketers offal. What was I hoping for?
Come see @RonJichardson warming up for his new TV show on Mon 28th July at @CecilsLondon or Fri 1st Aug at @Ham_Yard ow.ly/zwOVY
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
At times like these we can only be glad England didn't even enter this World Cup.
Harry Enfield with a perfect spoof of Steph and Dom from Gogglebox, 20 years before Gogglebox. Amazing. pic.twitter.com/K8bvLvLbrF
GUYS! @lucybeaumont, winner of the NCA 2012 is back with her pilot ‘To Hull and Back’ tonight on @BBCRadio2 at 10pm.
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
England players film so many ads before a World Cup I think they forget that real teams aren't actors letting them score wonder goals.
We're also looking for married couples who don't want kids and anyone getting married for the third time or more. Email address the same.
A documentary I'm making would like to hear from committed bachelors aged 30+. Email apply@openmike.co.uk for details. Thanks.
Delighted to be @SoccerSix #NextGen on May 29th at ELLAND ROAD! Also available for first team next season. Tickets: lovefootball.eu/tickets.
Too much live sport on the BBC these days. I'm glad they've cut the snooker to show old clips of people talking about cake.
Ate a burger with a knife and fork. This is a new low, even for a fan of cardigans and mead. Tweeting it keeps me hip though, right dudes?
Love to your mothers.
In the meantime, here's a peek at the next show poster for @mattforde, "Twat In A Hat". pic.twitter.com/GDX5zu71E2
Went for a wee and was pranks by @mattforde. Revenge will be swift. If he had a career, I would end it.
I know I say this all the time but @mattforde has one of the best torsos this side of Mykanos. #
Having recorded my first DVD here, I can't help but feel responsible. Harsh review though. pic.twitter.com/xzUOw8w2By
Congratulations to Leeds United, who become the first club to open the transfer window and throw everything out of it. Horrific day.
Who knew BBC News was the place to get car cutlery storage ideas? This man could teach me so much! pic.twitter.com/mIPjhOFIOO
Thanks to everyone who has already booked tickets for my tour. To reiterate, there are extra dates to be added in cities not yet listed.
"Lots of people shouting 'Come on Shaun!' but there's not much for him to c... get at." Well dodged, John Virgo. Well dodged indeed.
I imagine the recipe for these makes for pretty disgusting reading. pic.twitter.com/KBXopHuvbb
First dates for my new tour next year are up on my website. Plenty still to be added, so if I'm not near you yet that'll be why. Cheers!
In Morrisons and they're playing "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" by The Eagles. I think I just found my happy place.
Meet Dougie The Depressed Digger. If we can't make him happy soon, there'll be no Wiggleton Village Fayre! pic.twitter.com/RGTutCl1w3
Huge thanks to the production team and contributors whose hard work and bravery made A Little Bit OCD a winner at the @MindCharity awards.
Just overheard a girl on the train say she's meeting someone for a "breakfast/lunch thing". Come on! Who hasn't heard the word "Luckfast"?
First Christmas advert. October the 8th. Naughty Morrison's. pic.twitter.com/N5rxWam4to
If, like me, you were awed by the tiger cub on tonight's Cats, please follow @TigerTimeNow and help protect the few remaining in the wild.
Autumnal dew on a spider's web in my garden. No joke attached, feel free to make up your own. pic.twitter.com/rKRAF9AlY4
Releasing a double A-side: Knock It Through/Read The Legal Pack. Hoping to retire off royalties from Homes Under The Hammer.
When you have to put up a sign, the war is lost. The Dog And Sex Pest has really gone downhill. pic.twitter.com/yDL3sOVeeJ
A career highlight somewhat blighted by the fact that Kevin is clearly not a fan. Sad times. pic.twitter.com/tYoefPZMZW
Work out how much you drink by how far you get into a series before realising you've seen it all before. Slater's Simple Suppers: Ep6. Ouch.
Got to go and do my final show in Edinburgh but sure it won't be as funny as @bbctms team discussing Kick Ass 2. Great day of sport!
Jon Richardson @RonJichardson is doing another work in progress show this Sunday in Pleasance Upstars at 8:30pm pleasance.co.uk/edinburgh/even…
Retweeted by Jon Richardson
While I'm here, let me thank everyone at V-Festivals this weekend for two of the best welcomes I've ever had to a stage. Thank you.
Boxing Day Sport Headline for sale for use with Liverpool-Man City football match. Unused - £500ono TOURES! KOMPANY! PLEASE A CROWD!
FOOOOTTTBBBAALLLL! But only just, mind! A fist pump alone on a train kicks off 2013/14. And so it begins... (Not that kind of fist pump)
Who am I to disagree? "@richardosman: Agreed. 9pm on Channel 4! “@RachelRileyRR: Tonight’s @8Outof10Cats_TV @C4Countdown is a cracker!”"
Thanks to all who've tweeted about my C4 showing last night. So kind I could change my views on life, but what would I talk about next tour?
-Could we rewrite? -Too late, Tim. Twat. Day in the life of whoever coined "best thing since sliced bread" when cheese-on-toast came out.
Ben Shephard just said a man was a genius for guessing the capital of the Isle of Man. So that's why it's called Tipping Point: I surrender.
Absolutely nerve-wracking stuff, amazing turnaround. Sure to go to the very end. Definitely the best episode of "Flog It" I've ever seen!
BBC 5live: "Back to Wimbledon now. If you want to follow what's happening in Egypt, check the website." Henman Hill 1, Tahrir Square 0.