Bloody remoaners. What am I SUPPOSED to do with them then? #redwhiteandbluebrexit
Finally, in 2017, Anthony's girlfriend will get her dinner. A shame Denise and Nana aren't around to see it.
"If you, like me, have just realised you've shat yourself, you'll be needing my aftershave."
Women's razors may cost more, but only theirs are tasty enough to put in a salad afterwards.
Perhaps you could hop into a dinghy and paddle to a country where you feel safe? I'm sure you'll be welcomed.
Nick Griffin singing Barbershop on Strictly. Well now I've seen it all.
Quite right. Clown outfits should only ever be sold to university lecturers and company CEOs.
What's happening indeed, Twitter? I'm getting too old for this shit. World went and got itself in a big damn mess.
This 'Old Fashioned Sweet Shoppe' really shows how awful things were for our grandparents' generation.
The staff here told me what to eat and were very abusive. I tipped them extra because that's exactly what I deserve.
And the winner is... Sweden! 100-1 outsiders and makers of no beer! That was a genuine thrill. Congrats to all.
I'm doing a self-employed Euros sweepstake! First team out gets a £10 charity bet and I drink their beer. Good luck.
Anyone free around 1pm? I really want lunch here but the doorman won't budge on these draconian entry rules.
Oh shit. I'm going to be in here for hours. Good job I always carry bleach and marigolds.
"It's such a cruel world, Phil, what if we called our company something that would make everybody smile?"
Study shows being a Leeds United fan is good for your health:
Some people really pull out all the stops when there's a pot of gold at stake. "Dig! It's down there somewhere!"
Three stars for Home Alone?! Netflix? Wet dicks more like. I'm putting Micro Machines near all your stairs.
Sport 2-0 Humanity
Just back from some gigs in Norway. It looks like Santa will be using Uber to get about this year.
Bristol people please please please share. Paul's family are really worried #bristol #findpaul
Whenever I'm in a Virgin train toilet I wonder what happens in a bin's childhood for it to end up like this? So sad.