You can't play with someone's feelings because you are unsure of your own.
Dr. Gutstein's mum has got a boyfriend and you're still single,let that sink in.
you were born to be real not perfect.
Quote me if I'm wrong: This days too many hoes no housewives...
kanye west is the type of n*gga to slap you across the face and ask you for an apology for touching his hand.
*iPhone falls in water*
Siri:Heeeelp I'm drowning.......
*Android falls in water*
Android:ACTIVATING RESCUE MODE.~
'Outside' was my only social network, when I was a kid. And now I stare at the mail box to here the words. "You've got mail"
I feel like the person who get pushed into the fruit stand during a movie chase scene.
I hate sensitive ass girl's can't believe she broke up over a fucking blowjob wtf.lol
I would take a nerf bullet for you girl.
I hate it when i put something in a safe place so i wont lose it,
But then forget where that safe place is.
Guys that try pick up girls on twitter are pathetic. Girls if you agree leave your number in the comments below and we can talk about it.
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
At least Miley is getting paid to be ratchet. The rest of y'all are doing it for free.
She Gave Birth On The Stairs.
Call It Step Child
I just saved 100% on stress by switching my price plan to not giving a fuck.
Never settle for someone. Keep your standards high and unrealistic. Eventually, someone might settle for you.
SBS News: "Storm blows man under taxi"
Professor X is seriously considering her place in the X-Men.
Don't Drake and drive.. You'll end up at your ex's house.
Looks like Billy Ray put too much Loco in Miley's hot Cocoa.
Whenever a girl posts a nude pic.. all the guys on here become seagulls from finding nemo. 'Kik. kik. kik. kik. kik.
exit the womb they said
life will be great they said
It's always fun listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth.
I got banned from WHSmith today for moving all the 'Caution - Wet Floor' signs to the "Fifty Shades of Grey" shelf.
I would like to know when someone unfollows me on Twitter, so I could favorite it.
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
There is no point of running away from a sniper. You will die from exhaustion.
A man is someone who would die for his woman, rather than live with her.
The end of a relationship isn’t the worst thing. It’s worse when it doesn’t end after the end.
Only China and India have more people than Facebook users.
The good always defeats the bad. That means that the one, who wins is always the good one.
The bible teaches us to love, and Kamasutra shows how to do that…
What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream!
What kind of shoes does a ghost wear?... boooooooooots
Daffynition: Retreat—To get another piece of candy.
A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Behind every bitch there's a man that made her that way!
A man ask his wife, Can I cum in your ears, she say no!!! I might go deaf, funny I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up.
It's real here, a fake nigga can't chill here. I eat haters, check the crumbs on my kitchen floor.
A pretty girl who can twerk it and throw it back. She's wassup!
If you over sensitive you shouldn't be on social network.
At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that?"
Gangs today just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance wit each other first.
Women rated men more attractive if other women were smiling at him.
In ancient Egypt, people used to shave their eyebrows to mourn the death of their cats.
I need a girl who got a job wit nice benefits 'Cuz honey bunch I ain't wit the funny stuff u ain't gone fuck me to spend my money up Nah,boo