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Rob Stonehouse
As if Ireland is only just getting postcodes.. what gives @irokie ?
ok I’ll stop RTing funny things now.
[in ambulance] "Can you describe the snake that bit you?" Yes it was like an angry rope
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[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."
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Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
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A woman just dropped a £10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine. I bought wine.
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Really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying "I can't go on. I hate my life." My roommate is too selfish to notice. Always busy crying.
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People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.
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So many pigs seem to die while eating an apple.
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Going to start my own @RibenaUK stall outside my local Tesco. Need name ideas for the sign though, anyone got any?
*comedic/informative tweet about cakes and TV to sound relevant.* #GBBO
Taylor Swift is Left Shark #waytoolate
Same 3 words I used to describe my last Tinder date. AYOOOOOOOO!…
Been having a wander around @AmazonPrimeUK Music for about 10 minutes. In 3 words - cumbersome, small, dull
There are no words - "Sepp Blatter deserves Nobel Prize, says Vladimir Putin"…
I think I took a picture of a ghost "Phil this is just a topless selfie of you" [right in your ear] spooooky
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#nikeplus breakfast of champions outside in the sun #HELLOTUESDAY #morning
I challenge anyone to find a better pop song from 2015 than @carlyraejepsen - Run Away With Me
A pretty lady must have just walked past this bank
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*Funny pun/joke about House of Lords and drugs to make me seem both comical and relevant*
Like the man’s already got over 5mil followers. Think he just needs to chill a bit.…
How is pitbull a thing?
Anybody remember BBC Choice?
"You get out what you put in!" - inventor of the box
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#FF me, I want to be more popular.
Someone very close to me passed away this morning. So I've moved to the next carriage.
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Think about it, man. Dave Grohl has no financial interest in actually defeating Foo.
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.@taylorswift13 trying to sell her TS 1989 clothing line in China. This is...really not going to work well.
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Here, what’s all this beef between #nufc and #avfc about? Have I missed something?
#tbt #throwbackthursday to the #ucl final in 2013. Still the best game of football I've seen live in the flesh
Which mentalist is linking #NUFC with Mats Hummels?!? I know we’re aiming a bit higher but come on!
Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming.
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I would like to be formally considered for the next edition of #OhMyVlog, I’ve released a book and everything…
north west is direction not a person
Retweeted by Rob Stonehouse

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