Never running after two pints again @alsmith00
I just ran 4.05 mi @ a 8'59''/mi pace with Nike+. go.nike.com/3goq78g #nikeplus
Poked in the eye during training, need to rest it for a couple of days. #nufc #strangeinjury
I made a video last night. It's terrible but if you want to watch it: youtu.be/BbxumNVzLtI
in what way is Jess Glynne a breakthrough artist?
tbf the @brits
British Breakthrough Act is a joke category this year.
NEW YEAR NEW ME! Not really, but I did film myself talking… youtube.com/watch?v=BbxumN…
I just ran 4.29 mi @ a 8'41''/mi pace with Nike+. go.nike.com/05fk8041 #nikeplus
Six things I learnt from watching #MakingAMurderer
in case anyone (like me) missed the match last night - highlights are here #nufc #mufc youtube.com/watch?v=PdSXXQ…
Imagine thinking that £12million for Jonjo Shelvey was a good deal? #nufc
Me: how do you tell if spaghetti is cooked?
Wife: You throw it against the wall
Me: *throws against wall*
Waiter: the fuck?
Newcastle have come in with a £10m bid for Jonjo Shelvey...
just signed up for a half marathon, having not done a proper run in about 3 months. vibes.
Rise and Fall is the soundtrack today #Bowie
“Bolton have brought on their trump card, they’ve brought on Shola Ameobi” 😂#bbcfacup
I have no friends, so this is my Friday night vibe #isuckatthis
'What were you calling about?' these Blair/Clinton conversations are incredible
I told my friend he's a bad thief. He's not taking it well.
THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS twitter.com/CapitalXTRA/st…
You had to be there #drummondpuddlewatch
Last night I couldn't sleep at all, just lying wide awake
No, in bed you idiot. Where the hell is Somnia?
It’s getting out of hand now, someone will turn up in a blue and black dress, next #DrummondPuddleWatch
props to @drummondcentral
for some stellar marketing #DrummondPuddleWatch
Missing the pre-wet floor sign days #DrummondPuddleWatch
If you've not got #DrummondPuddleWatch
on the big screen right now, reevaluate life.
Productivity is very high in the @CapitalXTRA
office right now... #PuddleWatch
If someone turns up with a racoon and some candy floss then #DrummondPuddleWatch
might genuinely break the internet
If one more person asks me why it’s so dark in Newcastle I swear to god… #DrummondPuddleWatch
I’ve just texted my mum to tell her to walk through a puddle. Very strange times
six and a half THOUSAND people are watching a puddle in Newcastle.
finally found a reason for periscope app…
Is “off fleek” the opposite of "on fleek”? Asking for a friend
#trafalgarsquare this morning. Legit #nofilter
This was fun but I have work to do: buzzfeed.com/robinedds/can-…
-You screwed my wife. My own brother. You're dead to me
*They laugh. It fades awkwardly*
-[soft] That won't always work Barry
GOLF PRO: Calm down, I was only trying to correct your stance
ME: Maybe but [hurriedly finishes at the urinal] that was just creepy David
Mickey Mouse: Hey, so I'm seeing someone now.
Donald Duck: Me too.
Mickey: What's she like?
Donald: Me. But with a bow.
Mickey: Sounds hot.
Can someone please click this link so that I can get to an arbitrary number plsthankyou bit.ly/sub2rob
NURSE: do you have any allergies
ME: burnt bread
NURSE: you're allergic to burnt bread?
ME: yes I'm black toast intolerant