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Rob DeSantis
If I was ever on a date with a woman who made a perfectly timed Simpson's reference I may propose on the spot.
What's the difference between #ThrowBackThursday and #FlashbackFriday? I know there are people dying in the world but this is important.
I found out a bar around the corner from where I work serves breakfast. ...Yea this isn't going to be an issue for me at all...
I've seen @attell 4x, and hosted for him back in 2012, and I"m still pretty pumped to see him at @HeliumComedy tonight.
Ooooooh thank god my power & A/C is back on. I was starting to smell like the gym even though I haven't seen the inside of one in 3 months.
Hey comedy lovers... Dave @attell has an added show this Saturday at midnight! Check it out: #PhillyComedy
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
A requirement for giving your two cents on politics should be that your parents don't pay your rent or bills. If they do, shut the fuck up.
Tonight! @AlleyHandRow and @TommyHighland join @DavePrimiano and I to make jokes, probably about poop. Live! 9pm!… #RT
Sometimes I wonder, am I a fraud? But then I tell myself to breathe deep, put on my surgical gloves,and perform the operation.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Yes I'm wearing shorts to work at an office job. It's 94 and humid, my choices were shorts or man-boob sweat. I think I made the right call
Kevin Hart selling out the Linc has pushed me to go even harder and by this time next year my goal is to work at the Linc selling beers.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
"You know how someone saying "Pee Pee" makes you giggle? I do that in front of adults." #DescribeMyJobToA5YearOld
Does anyone else get bummed out when a comment section is filled with too many well thought out, rational statements?
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Comics, this club is worth your going to check out and participate. I have a ton of fun there over the weekend.…
There is nothing to fear but fear itsHOLY FUCK! Sorry there was a moth or something flying at my head.
They say our generation are compulsive over-sharers. But who asked for their opinion?
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Emotionally Crippling Daddy Issues #MyTypeIn4Words
Favorite Show The Simpsons #MyTypeIn4Words
My company spam filter is down, the number of penis enlargement emails I'm getting at work today is really making this a great Monday.
'Carpe Diem,' Says Man Who Spent Previous Day Masturbating In Darkened Room
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Idea: A bar that sells video game themed drinks like "Princess Peach Schnaps" or "The Mario" (Italian liquor served in a green sewer pipe).
If #Trump wins then #Kayne wins, I'm renouncing my citizenship. #kayneforpresident2020
My best Fridays and Saturdays usually result in me in bed a lot of Sunday.
If you have never mixed in Sriracha with Mac & Cheese, well you can go fuck yourself.
Guys, @BretErnst & @Butch_Bradley were super fucking cool this weekend, and @hideawayac is a great club. No bullshit get your ass there ASAP
Wow, the Real World is 23 years old? Where does the time go when America is falling apart at the seams?
Great night at @hideaway_ac w/ @butch_bradley
Tonight I laughed my ass off at @Hideaway_AC... @BretErnst @RobDComedy @TommyHighland you all killed it. #peestains
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Two more shows tonight in A.C. if you're down the shore, come on in.
I laughed at this for 5 minutes straight:…
Silver Surfer confronts Galactus about having no penis. #BoringComicBookPlots
Tony Stark / Iron Man goes Vegan; Ironically develops an iron deficiency. #BoringComicBookPlots
Cyclops has a staring contest. #BoringComicBookPlots
Worlds Collide in a DC vs Marvel crossover. Specifically at shuffleboard. #BoringComicBookPlots
Whatever happened in the most recent Fantastic 4 movie. #BoringComicBookPlots
Wolverine and Jean Gray go on a date, no super-villains show up and ruin everything, Wolverine just gets friend zoned. #BoringComicBookPlots
I dig those big burgers you can get in bars, but how is a human suppose to eat one of those things without unhinging their jaw like a snake?
Wow, young to retire. Mein was a monster.…
Well...just did a joke about heart surgery at a fundraiser for a young lady who needs a heart transplant. IIIIIIIIII'M an idiot.

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