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Rob DeSantis
If you're having a bad day, just remember there is a place called Kalamazoo. I dare you to say that out loud and not smile at least a little
Bob & Dave are joined by Lancaster's finest LeMaire Lee & Rubi Nicholas to discuss what to do when your dog wants... fb.me/xhxm7B2R
Bob & Dave are joined by Lancaster's finest LeMaire Lee & Rubi Nicholas to discuss what to do when your dog wants... fb.me/3XzYUxEHs
Any good joke Ive written came from an idea I had on the toilet or in the shower. Apparently my joke writing depends on me not wearing pants
I designed a chart to help you pick the perfect pet. You can also see it in Southwest Airline's in flight mag. pic.twitter.com/Zv5gGaTrMB
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I'm really excited to do #Crossfit after work. No wait...not Crossfit...that other thing...napping. I'm really excited to nap after work.
They're pulling Dukes of Hazzard reruns, so Seinfeld is probably next. pic.twitter.com/AVQfmv3VNO
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
There seems to be a direct correlation in the size of the pigeon and homeless populations in any particular city.
I had the pleasure of seeing this live. Saudi Arabia: Weird Allies youtu.be/dkTf77rpby8 via @stevegerben
Bird pooped on my head this morning. #HumbleBrag.
If I was to quantify my excitement level, I'd say I'm "Drunk white girl at the bar when Livin' on a Prayer comes on" excited to play Batman.
I don't believe in aliens of the flying saucer variety, but I wish they would come just so religious people would shut the fuck up.
I'm so zoned out today I'm honestly surprised there isn't drool down the front of my shirt right now.
If you have an hour every day at work to bitch about how hard your job is, you're job probably isn't that fucking hard.
Remember: You can take the confederate flag out of the trailer, but you can't take the confederate flag tattoos off the trailer trash.
I just pulled one of the best #Simpsons references at work and no one got it. Time to update my resume.
I will be performing on the second stage at Wawa's Hoagiefest 2015 #Hoagiefest
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
This year on Bob And Dave Are Terrible at Advancing in Comedy Contests...
Why, you didn't want to drive on this road did you?
Listening to that Richard Gere song Pretty Woman. Richard Gere acted in the movie Pretty Woman They made a movie out of a Richard Gere song?
What would you guys say is an acceptable level of masturbation at work?
@RobDComedy which one of the two princes would you go for?
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Maybe the Spin Doctors had a point...know what I mean?
Happy Father's Day to all my friends with kids who after 3 beers have said "I love my kids but having them was a mistake."
Happy Father's Day and Summer Solstice to all the Dads and Suns out there.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Out-of-context Wired article quote of the day: "highly desirable little plush Yoshi characters with NFC chips in their butts"
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I think the difference in tan here is sort of a problem. #summer #tan #farmerstan
I'm only 6 days in but I just wanted you guys to know I'm fucking crushing being 33 years old.
I don't mean to be behind the times...but I just heard this band...Milli Vanilli. You guys should check it out. It's the truth.
Two Goldfish are in a tank, one says "I'll drive, you man the guns." Philly's Phunniest, @HeliumComedy Monday at 7pm. It only gets worse.
Tonight Bob & Dave welcome Sidney Gantt and Garrett Smith to discuss if friends let friends put fire ants on... fb.me/4boQM7IrQ
I'm not 100% sure what I'm having for my birthday dinner tomorrow night but I'm sure it will involve the words "Family Meal" in some way.
I'm keeping with my "7 days of drinking and eating like shit " birthday tradition I invented 6 days ago.
People are ignoring the real victims of this #RachelDolezal story, the white guys who thought they slept with a black chick that one time.
Life is a funny thing, some days you can really love yourself as a person, other days you remember you used to enjoy Limp Bizket.
If I had to guess, I would say I've named over 25 video game characters "Thrillho" #TheSimpsons
Coworker just used the phrase "on fleek" and didn't use it ironically. Time to update my resume and look for a new job.
The best laid plans of mice and menstruating women...
I have "stoner college student with an Art History paper due tomorrow" motivation levels today.
There is a #hotdog stand outside my office, and I've gotten into a bad habit of taking hotdog breaks like some people take cigarette breaks.
Hey guys, @PierreRobert933 just said my name on the radio. Guess I better start buying condoms in bulk. @laffcast @kupmuff
Man I'm brain dead at work today...like not realizing I'm humming along to a Nickelback song brain dead.
Good luck to all 16 Republican candidates running for a job on Fox News
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
The way I have been carbo-loading over the past 24 hours you would think I was doing something other than sitting on my couch all weekend.
Medically speaking what does it mean when my urine smells exactly like BBQ sauce?
Looks, you guys act like I'm saying something controversial. I'm just saying MURDER SHOULD BE LEGAL.




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