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Rob DeSantis
@RobDComedy @CMDolan99 Don't worry, you spelt 'fucking' correctly! It just looks wrong :)
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I scored 20248 points at 2048, Now I can stop! I CAN FINALLY STOP!!! #2048game via @gabrielecirulli
Hey guys, who wants to see Rio 2? I mean...No, I'm an adult. Who wants to watch porn together, right? Right? Right fellow adults? #401K
Every kid should have a dog growing up, that way every kid will understand the concept of death by the time they are 10 years old.
Reverse Racism: When a white person is on top of you but facing away.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Are you trying to make out with me right now? @mjdout Helium Comedy Club > Madison Square Garden
That shit is redundant. @briangaar I hate animals and Ben Harper
Shut the fuck up Matt. @mjdout Launch day tomorrow!!!!
Ok...Who misses throwing a Shoe? #HillaryClinton
You can't take pain killers if you have 2 or more drinks a day? How are you supposed to get rid of a hangover? More liquor? ENTRAPMENT!
I'm excited for that new Johnny Depp movie about the Comcast-Time Warner merger.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I am thinking of writing a positive review on #Amazon for the hand lotion I have been using just based on how soft my penis has been lately.
Death Of The Ultimate Warrior Forces WWE To Reevaluate Their Mandatory Steroid And Cocaine Use Policy
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I'm back on @HeliumComedy Dirty Dozen show this Saturday at midnight with a bunch of sexual deviants. Why wouldn't you be there?
One thing I can say confidently, is that even if I do somehow become famous, I'll never get asked to pose naked for Rolling Stone.
Achievement Unlocked" You have urinated in every drain in your apartment." 20g. #xboxlive
This is the worst part about getting into comedy with absolutely no prior background in comedy - I’ve been...
Watching The Simpsons for the first time in a while and just laughed hard enough to accidentally fart. Fox You Can Quote Me. #TheSimpsons
Oh great...Point Break is on. I had shit to do today too.
Fed Prosecutor Dick Goldberg attempting to silence @thepanichour & break up City Council Candidate N.A. Poe & GF #WWW
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Landmark Supreme Court Decision Lets Americans Cram Cash Directly Into Politicians' Mouths
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Letterman will be replaced by an hour of cat videos every night. Ratings soar
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis