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Rob DeSantis
@RobDComedy @CMDolan99 Don't worry, you spelt 'fucking' correctly! It just looks wrong :)
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I scored 20248 points at 2048, Now I can stop! I CAN FINALLY STOP!!! #2048game git.io/2048 via @gabrielecirulli
Hey guys, who wants to see Rio 2? I mean...No, I'm an adult. Who wants to watch porn together, right? Right? Right fellow adults? #401K
Every kid should have a dog growing up, that way every kid will understand the concept of death by the time they are 10 years old.
Reverse Racism: When a white person is on top of you but facing away.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Are you trying to make out with me right now? @mjdout Helium Comedy Club > Madison Square Garden
That shit is redundant. @briangaar I hate animals and Ben Harper
Shut the fuck up Matt. @mjdout Launch day tomorrow!!!!
Ok...Who misses throwing a Shoe? #HillaryClinton
You can't take pain killers if you have 2 or more drinks a day? How are you supposed to get rid of a hangover? More liquor? ENTRAPMENT!
I'm excited for that new Johnny Depp movie about the Comcast-Time Warner merger.
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I am thinking of writing a positive review on #Amazon for the hand lotion I have been using just based on how soft my penis has been lately.
Death Of The Ultimate Warrior Forces WWE To Reevaluate Their Mandatory Steroid And Cocaine Use Policy wp.me/p1Goka-pd
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
I'm back on @HeliumComedy Dirty Dozen show this Saturday at midnight with a bunch of sexual deviants. Why wouldn't you be there?
One thing I can say confidently, is that even if I do somehow become famous, I'll never get asked to pose naked for Rolling Stone.
Achievement Unlocked" You have urinated in every drain in your apartment." 20g. #xboxlive
This is the worst part about getting into comedy with absolutely no prior background in comedy - I’ve been... tmblr.co/ZwSQqs1CNFddm
Watching The Simpsons for the first time in a while and just laughed hard enough to accidentally fart. Fox You Can Quote Me. #TheSimpsons
Oh great...Point Break is on. I had shit to do today too.
Fed Prosecutor Dick Goldberg attempting to silence @thepanichour & break up City Council Candidate N.A. Poe & GF imgur.com/AhGt9la #WWW
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Landmark Supreme Court Decision Lets Americans Cram Cash Directly Into Politicians' Mouths onion.com/1dYrpfM pic.twitter.com/fwfmbFek1b
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis
Letterman will be replaced by an hour of cat videos every night. Ratings soar
Retweeted by Rob DeSantis