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Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was in a bucket
Now that’s what I call “A mindmap of 50 jokes, of varying quality”.
Hope I get reincarnated as a Hindu
“Where the heck did I leave my surfboard?” - Giant from Lilliput
“Where the heck did I leave my surfboard?” - Giant from Lilliput tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1r1jlfc
Mike Tyson doesn't like being cooped up inside, he prefers a bit off fresh ear. Topical.
My two word review for Windows 10 = Not Horrible. Which is a step up from the one for Windows 8 = Is Horrible.
A girl came up to me today and offered to perform the functions on my phone for me. I said "Don't be Siri"
I always look twice for bikes. It's easier to hit them on the second attempt.
Imagine if an actual hen got married to an actual stag
Today's tribal news: Yet another cannibal lost to spontaneous human consumption
I like cooking, and also lying down on the ground while people erect ship sails from me. Mast-a-Chef #masterchefnz
In Jamaica it's called RastaChef #masterchefnz
Sexism in technology: Configuration is always done using wizards, never witches.
Reckon it's about time they released another testament of the bible. Complete the trilogy.
So why does the best thing keep going back to being sliced bread, even though we keep finding things better than it?
Before sliced bread, I wonder what people said things were the best thing since.
Lane especially for @gunsnroses
. Bit niche.
I think what #DWTSNZ
could learn from Strictly Come Dancing, is to outsource the pro dancers to Eastern Europe
If I ever had to choose a gangland boss name I'd be Vincent Steel
I hear his new stage name is going to be 50 Peso cents (US$0.03)
Thank Roxette it's Friday
International Joke writers On Comedywire including me scl.io/RspUXApu
International Users On Comedywire including me scl.io/RspUXApu
Bizarre in NZ that nearly every time I turn on the TV there’s someone on it that I know. And no, not CrimeWatch.
Finding lately that when I part company with people they always seem to mention this small Swiss city tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1p10I4X
"Weirdest thing ever is seeing your friends kids who are now the age that you met the friend" - Richard... tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1o_Xhsn
That's what I call "Accidentally driving into a closed motorway and having it to yourself" tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1o_Swdn
NZ vs Aus Sports Legend Smackdown #DawnFraser
Photo: Anyone else think this logo looks like it’s buffering? tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1ozW0JW
Photo: Enjoying some Englishes (as they call them in China) tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1ozUA_3
"True equality will come when all the people of the world can share the same time zone" tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1ozQFYV
Photo: My favourite flavour of things is lamb and mint but this was too crunchy tmblr.co/ZDRAOm1ozO6CB
Just lost an argument with myself. I think sometimes I’m TOO persuasive.
Any advice on how to make friends? I'm asking for an acquaintance of mine.
Having some Englishes (as they call them in China)
Was struggling with how to get over my insomnia so decided to sleep on it
Figured out that "Yeah Nah" is New Zealand lingo for "I don't know".
My ideas for improving coffee quality:
1 - Start a new specialist coffee shop
2 - Burn down some Starbucks
I’ve had so much coffee today that I’m starting to see smells
It's a dog eat dog world - Lucky they taste so good
People who gather ashes urn everything they get
History Fact: Bungy was a result of an accidental fall luckily accompanied by accidentally untied shoelaces
I hear that Greece isn't doing so well and they're going to have to sell off John Travolta
TV show that hires out cars to strange perverts - Pimp My Ride
I hear people are against gay funerals and they're going to have to live forever
Eating my words. Nouns are crunchiest.