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Richard Lindesay

Bought a book called "30 Minute Curries" which shows you how to make 30 really small curries.
Maybe bald guys should just say they have a head Brazilian
PrinceP only just retiring at 95. Should have planned better, maybe put some money aside.
May you go forth and conquer
In Review: ‘Fools Suffering Gladly’ – The Speakeasy thespeakeasy.co.nz/2016/05/06/in-…
Apart from my hypochondria, I've got nothing wrong with me.
I am the solo synchronised swimming champion
#BGT How clever of you all to put an act on that blatently copies our set. The press will love this.
Retweeted by Richard Lindesay
Comedying at Comedy Keller in Exeter next Sunday with 45.5 jokes and a clipboard @EminentBanter
The first rule of irony club, there IS NO IRONY CLUB.
I have the opposite of amnesia where I forget things that haven't happened yet
My brother insists that he is not bald because he has hair <- as in singular.
Mmmmm it's almost Xmas egg time
If it's not foke, don't brexit.
Clocks went forward on the weekend and now I have jetlag
I’d like to join optimism club, but they’d probably wouldn’t take me.
Remember back when trolls just charged you to cross bridges
Humans spend an inordinate amount of time focussing on either increasing or reducing their amount of hair.
Sexism - The fact they never burned people for being Wizards
Spent the whole day today multitasking i.e. watching Gilmour Girls AND eating cheese. @GilmoreGirls #gilmoregirls
At @ComedyAvengers in Taunton this evening, with 22.5 jokes and a clipboard. #Comedying
I'm a New Zealander but I'm so out of touch with New Zealand that I don't even know who the current president is
I’m addicted to 12 step support programs. There you go, I’ve admitted it.
Growing up I had a Jesus Complex - thought I was really great but not quite as good as God.
There used to be a superhero called Superfluous Man but he's not needed anymore.
I’m so good at being illiterate, I wrote the book on it.
I’m a procrastinator, because I really like crastinators.
The great kiwi comedian Ashton Brown has two shows only in Auckland for NZ Comedy Festival. Go! twitter.com/ashtonjbrown/s…
Was a pleasure performing tonight at @MooniesComedy, such a hidden gem of a comedy club. Recommended.
I reckon Boeing and Walkers should get together and make plane flavoured crisps
I was just referred to as a lad, and I've never been so insulted.
To liven up stag parties I like to bring along a knife and a frying pan and turn it them into venison parties
Doing a short spot here too, jokes, clipboard, etc... twitter.com/bearcatquiz/st…
I’ve got this new app on my phone that saves time which will be handy if I ever run out of it
I got a rock thrown at my head when I was a child, which killed off my imaginary friend.
Do you reckon Boris looks like Trump after he’s been bitten by a zombie #borisjohson
Every day can be pancake day, if you're committed. #Lent #ShroveTuesday #easter
I like to go into waiting rooms and start serving people food
I’d like to invent the 4D printer, that prints the future.
I am hosting this comedy gig on Thursday - it's KOHA entry - I hope to see you there! fb.me/1L6uNtOr8
Retweeted by Richard Lindesay
 
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