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Mark Felter

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.#badjokefriday
Queues is just Q followed by 4 silent letters... They aren't silent, they are waiting their turn #Badjokefriday
I was asked what I'll be doing in 3 years. I replied, "I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision." #badjokefriday
Going to an engagement party. Terri and mines!
I'm so embarrassed. I took a urine test the other day. I think I need help for my kleptomania. #badjokefriday
A wind turbine asked the turbine next to it, "what type of music do you like?" It replied "I'm a big metal fan." #badjokefriday
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Everything's fine. He woke up. #BadJokeFriday
I got engaged tonight. I am a blessed man! #engaged #dispersal #godisgood
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. #badjokefriday
I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? #badjokefriday
Set world record to go through security at O'hare. 3 minutes. #ord
On our way to Chicago. Will be fun to show off a fun city. #mykindoftown
Made it to Chicago! #ord
Have to say pdx is the best and nicest airport. Fastest ever through security. #goodjobpdx #pdx
Grabbing something to eat at Pdx on our way to Chicago. #goodies #pdx-ord
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. #badjokefriday
What happened when the carpenter knocked his tools off a pier? He saw the seas seize his saw. #BadJokeFriday
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns! #badjokefriday
Did you hear about the shoe factory that burned down? It was very tragic, hundreds of soles were lost. #badjokefriday
I discovered I can split wood in two just by looking at it. It's true, I saw it with my own eyes. #BadJokeFriday
At the dentist then dinner with my favorite girl. #paintojoy
At Cinetopia with Terri. #soneededthis
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35. #BadJokeFriday
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.#badjokefriday
Yesterday my cousin Jimmy Leonovich passed away. He was more than just my cousin, he was my friend. I'll miss you buddy but I'll see again.
I love the way the earth rotates. Really makes my day. #BadJokeFriday
It's a shame how many dead phones there will be in SanDiego now, with the Chargers all leaving town #BadJokeFriday
First time in over 16 years work has closed. Over 9" of snow in Portland closes the city
What do you call chess player showing off in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. #Badjokefriday
A guy cut me off in traffic and I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one. #badjokefriday
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere! #badjokefriday
.@AlaskaAir & @VirginAmerica fly #TWOgether to over 100 destinations. And I could fly free with my @name!
As I load on the plane to go back to the Pacific Northwest. I realize how blessed a life I've had and how hard it is to watch a parent age.
Spending time with my dad.
Just landed in Chicago. After sitting in a plane w/ kids non-stop screaming for 2 hours, I'm ready 4 a drink #almostJumpedoutOfFlyingPlane
At PDX waiting for my plane. Looking forward to seeing family and friends.
I was late for my guided tour of a Greek cheese factory. Feta late than never. #BadJokeFriday
On my way to the Moda Center for a Christmas concert with my favorite girl.
The road to he'll is paved with bad punctuation. #BadJokeFriday
Just say no to drugs. Although if you are taking to drugs it may be too late. #BadJokeFriday
Waking up this morning and I can hardly believe the Cubs are World Series Champions! #FlyTheW #ChicagoCubs #AnyCubForPresident #GoCubsGo
Addison Russell for President!!! #GoCubGo
On the comfy couch watching the best team with my best girl. #gocubsgo
What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have a beer please, and a mop.
Watching my favorite team with my favorite girl! #GoCubsGo #WorldSeries
I'm so happy I could cry! #GoCubsGo
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect"
I love my Cubbies!
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