Did you hear about the shoe factory that burned down? It was very tragic, hundreds of soles were lost. #badjokefriday
I discovered I can split wood in two just by looking at it. It's true, I saw it with my own eyes. #BadJokeFriday
At the dentist then dinner with my favorite girl. #paintojoy
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35. #BadJokeFriday
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.#badjokefriday
Yesterday my cousin Jimmy Leonovich passed away. He was more than just my cousin, he was my friend. I'll miss you buddy but I'll see again.
I love the way the earth rotates. Really makes my day. #BadJokeFriday
It's a shame how many dead phones there will be in SanDiego now, with the Chargers all leaving town #BadJokeFriday
First time in over 16 years work has closed. Over 9" of snow in Portland closes the city
What do you call chess player showing off in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. #Badjokefriday
A guy cut me off in traffic and I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one. #badjokefriday
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere! #badjokefriday
to over 100 destinations. And I could fly free with my @name
As I load on the plane to go back to the Pacific Northwest. I realize how blessed a life I've had and how hard it is to watch a parent age.
Spending time with my dad.
Just landed in Chicago. After sitting in a plane w/ kids non-stop screaming for 2 hours, I'm ready 4 a drink #almostJumpedoutOfFlyingPlane
At PDX waiting for my plane. Looking forward to seeing family and friends.
I was late for my guided tour of a Greek cheese factory. Feta late than never. #BadJokeFriday
On my way to the Moda Center for a Christmas concert with my favorite girl.
The road to he'll is paved with bad punctuation. #BadJokeFriday
Just say no to drugs. Although if you are taking to drugs it may be too late. #BadJokeFriday
Waking up this morning and I can hardly believe the Cubs are World Series Champions! #FlyTheW #ChicagoCubs #AnyCubForPresident #GoCubsGo
Addison Russell for President!!! #GoCubGo
On the comfy couch watching the best team with my best girl. #gocubsgo
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have a beer please, and a mop.
Watching my favorite team with my favorite girl! #GoCubsGo #WorldSeries
I'm so happy I could cry! #GoCubsGo
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect"
Not sure if SNL or presidential debate (?)
Join me and earn big #ColumbusDay #discounts
Gear. Follow my link to earn Anker Gold!! anker.com/deals/columbus…
beat 10 personal bests for #Walking
(2.96mi / 1h 22m 52s) view sportstracklive.com/track/detail/r…
Someone stole my mood ring....and I'm just not sure how I feel about that? #badjokefriday
Another night fixing dinner. Parmesan chicken over pasta. With garlic parsley baby potatoes and side salad.
I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom. #BadJokeFriday
I love fixing dinner for a very special lady
A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says, "How did you do that?" #Badjokefriday
I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement. #badjokefriday
Q: Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?
A: She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type." #badjokefriday
What 2 days off the week start with the letter T? Today and Tomorrow. #badjokefriday
A toothless termite walks into a pub and asks: "is the bar tender here?" #badjokefriday
That's a nice way to start the second half of the season! Cubs win!!!
Plane landed 36 minutes early.
Sitting at PDX waiting for my plane.