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The Honorable Papa

Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so.
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when u see a dog across the street and it's crossing and walking towards u
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Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day Steve Martin died? Pam: Steve Martin isn't dead.
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Ok, who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going away present?
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the SECOND most important rule for the artist at sea: always bring a pencil sharpener. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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Angela: You fell into a Koi pond? Michael: Maybe I was trying to save a child. Angela: So a child had fallen in? Michael: Not yet.
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"ur gonna hate yourself in the morning if u stay up late" jokes on u im gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what
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Psa: Wear your seatbelts. I walked away from a bad accident unscathed because I was wearing mine!!! They make a difference, don't be dumb.
If the Lizzie McGuire movie were a thriller
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Strawberry Bouquets πŸ“πŸ“οΏ½M4rX
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me at my teacher's desk after my teacher says they won't round my 59% to an A
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Michael: I'm starting my own paper company. Jim: You know the industry is in decline right? Michael: Yeah. I practically invented decline.
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good morning to everyone except my bitch of an ex-wife
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If you see me on the news it'll be for killing a 53 year old asshole delivery driver at my job
My😊 life😊 blows😊
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me: i hate christmas music him: i love Christmas music me:
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I could prob sleep for a month straight
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You're the worst. I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it.
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now that I think of it, she IS very graceful and majestic!...perhaps I should name her Grace or Majesty....or Debbie
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I'll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.
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i want to start a new genre of pornography called Edgar Allan Poe-nography, and the idea is basically nevermind that's fucking stupid
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"Forget love I want to fall in beer"
your bones are made up of the same dust as the planets
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-What gives you the strength to get through every day? -The Office, Rick and Morty, Bob's Burgers, and SpongeBob.
"You're my family and I love you, but you're terrible. You're all terrible."
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this is PRETTY good.......only one thing.............you forGOT THE PICKLES!!!!
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...............you're gonna interrogate my blender?
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*sips wine* Mmm. Sort of an oaky afterbirth.
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Michael: What kind of ice cream do you want? Stanley: Chocolate. Michael: Racism is dead Stanley. You can have whatever flavor you want.
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I call this one: Bold and Brash! more like: "Belongs in the Trash" HAHAHAHAH!! sorry. I must've missed that one.
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I saw something I didn't like on the Internet I didn't freak out I moved on with my life I wonder why no one ever thought of that before.
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Productivity is important. But how can I be productive if I have one little thing in my brain? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel.
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Evolution isn't real?? What's this then
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