I don't get why every guy wants a woman who will make him a sandwich. Really? A sandwich? I'm thinking more like a four course meal.
My car is just one giant sheet of ice.
On a scale of 1-10, I plan on getting as drunk as a single mom on Valentine's Day.
Jacoby to the Yanks.. Didn't see that one coming.
"One more hour of Sportscenter, I promise, that's it." -Me to body's request for sleep.
I don't understand how I haven't met anyone off of blackpeoplemeet.com
yet. I must be doing something wrong.
I'm as excited to get out of this car as Riley Cooper is in a room full of white people.
Plot twist: I didn't have to work tomorrow.
The lost art of the retweet.
I assume the guy version of "💁" would be an emoji of a little guy doing to the 2003 "suck it" two handed crotch action move.
I'm going to scream at a deaf person if I don't get to watch some football highlights soon.
I'll propose to my wife by posting Jason Derulos "Marry Me" video on her Facebook. Cuz if I know one thing, it's that bitches love Facebook.
Drew circa 2012 would've been super pissed to see that. So happy I can just laugh and see the positives in things. #Perspective
Ha. It's December. There goes your excuse to your boss for not shaving. Welcome back to my baby faced world all you beard growing bastards.
doctor ashley to the rescue 😂😂
My heart feels like its going to explode. Two adderalls may not have been the best idea after all.
Someone either text me or give me something interesting to do to get me through the rest of this drive. #ThatWouldBeSchweet
When you look back in history at great win streaks of all time, you don't look at who a team played, you look at the rarity of that number.
Plot twist: I'm the short one.
Hate not getting to watch football right now. Thank God my twitter feed is just a constant play by play of every game.
My family keeps trying to get me to meet a girl and settle down just because they want me home and not on the road 😂😂
Addy clutch on this 20 hour drive.
Cavs vs. Heat game with one of my best friends in the world. Had a hell of a time and added to the prestigious Thanksgiving Eve lore.
Back to Kansas for three weeks then two weeks off for the holidays! #BackOnTheGrind
I want a girl who will go to the library and play FIFA with me..
Wow college football. Wow.
Got my D&B's tickets back. Suck my dick Cleveland you wallet stealing whore.
Off to Dave & Busters and staying in Cleveland for the night!
BGSU 24, Buffalo 7! MAC EAST CHAMPS! Falcons to play for MAC Championship Friday in Detroit!
Plot twist: Google asks you questions.
The battery life on my 5s dominates dominates my old 4s. 👌
The weekend after Thanksgiving always makes for the best drunk munchies.
My idea of the perfect day is unlimited alcohol and zero human interaction. That's normal right?
Andre Holmes getting stopped on the 1/2 yard line cost me over $150. I hate football.
Lost my wallet at the @cavs
game. I blame LeBron.
I can see @cavsdan
If I didn't think it would get me kicked out, I'd so walk over there and say hi. I've got so much respect for that guy.
Off to the #Cavs vs #Heat game with @kyle_mac4! #NBA #LowLevelLife #ThanksgivingEveNights
Playing out in the snow with my niece. I really wish I wouldn't have left my gloves in Kansas.
I wish I was half as happy now as I was when I was five.
I seriously just laughed out loud thinkin about how we purposely threw footballs as close as we could to those trees to show out.
Hearing all these people call me "Andrew" as a kid is weird. I can't remember when people called me that.
Watching home videos with my sister from when we were little. This makes me never want to leave home.
"Kirk Hinrich wears the accessories of a character you once created in NBA Live."
Off to the Browns Steelers game!