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pseudomorrow
Manhattanberg #drmanhattan #heisenberg
When I grow up, I want to be a Robocop.
naked_guy_crabwalking_in_a_busy_walmart_parking_lot.gif
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I’m pretty sure that the smoke alarm was invented by a con man.
If Applebee’s doesn’t have a dish called “The Applebee’s Knees,” they’re missing out.
Buckets and buckets a nuggets.
The curse of the werewolf is that they uncontrollably kill the people they love the most. What if Hitler was a werewolf?
"My ma is crazy in the head, and my pa got killed." "...I'm gonna make you some ham sandwiches." #TheButler
I wonder if there’s a porn called, “Cherry Poppins.”
Remember to play Lorde’s Pure Heroine right as the Super Bowl starts. They sync up perfectly.
Why isn’t there a rapper called Dr. Seuss?
*learns all Froot Loops are the same flavor regardless of color* *sighs* *sadly deletes 583 page PhD thesis*
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IM A CHAMPION OF FREEDOM UNGOVERNED BY RELIGION OR LAW *sits here and eats corn dogs*
an X-Files where it's just two ducks who won't stop kissin' and Mulder is getting all upset and kicks a chair over
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“I thought this was a hat until I saw how long it was…and there were balls attached to it.”
In 1954, a man committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. His suicide note said "...no reason, except I have a toothache"
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I can count everyone I trust on one severed hand.
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YO @Colgate LEMME GET SUMDAT SMIIIIILE
Don’t you hate it when all the Snack Packs fall out of your pocket?
Oscar gold? More like Oscar MEYER BECAUSE IT’S A BUNCH OF BOLOGNA
Elvis J. Williams
“Let’s get slutty and head over to the arcade.” #Shameless
Oh Southern Comfort, you turn all my bad problems into good problems.
Just found a piece of fried chicken in my keyboard. So everything's as per usual.
I really wish I had a fat suit.