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Paula Poundstone
"@rebecca_clack Pretty sure we need some @paulapoundstone back in Fairbanks as soon as possible. #FairbanksJuneRecordRainFlooding" Love 2
Th last time I was at The Birchmere in Alexandria, VA, they gave me a guitar shaped spatula. That's the kind of relationship we have.
On Fri. and Sat. Nov 21& 22 I'll be telling my little jokes at The Birchmere In Alexandria, VA. I love that place paulapoundstone.com
#WorldCup2014 The Belgian team is bringing Hercule Poirot off the bench.
#WorldCup2014 Every one of these guys can get Viagra from their employer's insurance.
#WorldCup2014 There are no losers in a game like this, except the team that doesn't get as many points as the other.
#WorldCup2014 They just showed a Belgian guy throwing up. That'll put you off your chocolate.
#WorldCup2014 The U.S. goalie is like a really good looking diaphragm.
#WorldCup2014 These guys have the answers to the concussion test questions written on their hands.
#WorldCup2014 These guys are gonna be sore tomorrow.
#WorldCup2014 At our J.V. Girl's lacrosse team meeting in 1973, our goalie cried, because she said people kept throwing balls at her.
#WorldCup2014 I'm gonna advertise paulapoundstone.com at World Cup 2018, right beside the Coca-Cola sign. I'm saving up.
#WorldCup2014 Why not shoulder the ball? Isn't the brain in the head?
#WorldCup2014 I notice they don't all run, in a pack, around the ball, like my Christian group team in 1972.
#WorldCup2014 There's something about them not scoring that makes me feel like I can't pee.
#WorldCup2014 I know nothing about this game, but I think one of the teams should put the ball in that netted thing at the end of the field
#WorldCup2014 There's a Belgian player named Dries. His brother Wets didn't make the team.
#WorldCup2014 Does Ryan Seacrest play for Belgium?
I'm watching on a Spanish station. A commentator just said "Ryan Seacrest," but I don't know why #WorldCup2014
They're offering to take the injured guy sledding. That'll cheer him up. #WorldCup2014
Prince Harry is playing for the red guys #WorldCup2014
We'd be winning this game if those guys in the red didn't keep getting in the way #WorldCup2014
Wait, Wait at Red Rocks in Colorado July 10. Hear the silence of my lightening round echo ticketswest.com/waitwait @TomBodett @brianbabylon
It be me at the Bijou in Knoxville, TN on Sat. July 26. Let us be together knoxbijou.com/shows/632115
All right, people, lets get out there and care about those beyond our inner circle, even though they may be odd, or funny looking.
I'll bet they're sniffing glue in the lobby today #SCOTUS
I'm at The Tabor Opera House in Leadville, CO on Aug. 2. On the map, Leadville has no neighbors. We can be noisy taboroperahouse.net
Congratulations Leadville Lifters @LeadvilleHerald The name alone would give you an advantage.
On Fri. August 8, I'm back in Boyne City, MI, and I'm bringing my little jokes to jet ski poundstone.tix.com/Event.aspx?Eve…
How come no one's religion makes them not provide Viagra to their workers?
BBC says Facebook experimented with users' emotions. Then Mark Zuckerberg yelled, "Give my creature life!"
I'm off to laugh with librarians in Las Vegas. La-la-la-la-la!
I want to thank the woman who thought she was a technical writer, in Wichita.
Many thanks @paulapoundstone for last night's wonderful show at Houston's Wortham Center. pic.twitter.com/C5QE1evEzv
Retweeted by Paula Poundstone
It's raining in Wichita. The wheat's wet. They have fields of paste.
I want to thank the "interactive" I.T. woman at my show in Houston tonight.
If Wichita trends when I'm there tomorrow, I'll be like, "Whoa."
I'm in Texas right now, and Texas is trending. Freak me out.
I was in Wichita for the River Festival once. It was so much fun. It's a lot more than wheat.
I'm at The Orpheum in Wichita, KS Sat. night. Just walk up and buy tix. No password, no stupid computer, no personal information.
Sat. night I'm at The Orpheum Theatre in Wichita, KS purchase.tickets.com/buy/TicketPurc…
@paulapoundstone excited to see Paula and the Poptarts!!! Can't eat just want, why not tiddy up pic.twitter.com/vPi4s5Erkp
Retweeted by Paula Poundstone
If I got "frequent flight delayed" points, I'd be able to buy a nose hair trimmer from Sky Mall Catalogue for everyone I've ever met.
You can just walk up and buy tix at The Wortham Center in Houston. No password, no stupid computer, 'cause I'm down homey like that.
I'm at The Wortham Center in Houston tonight explorehouston.org/ticketing/tick… Prepare to strengthen your mental health
I don't feel safe at the Oakland Airport, without a hipster vaccination.