You know how I know you're a narcissist ? You're on twitter. BOOM!
What do you do to survive the Holidays?..And Drinking is a perfectly acceptable answer!
That's right, just keep telling yourself that your dog barks at NoTHing all night!!!
I was under the assumption that showing cleavage fixed anything.
HR has just set me straight
My husband called me dude earlier, so my transformation to asexual popcorn-sharer is nearly complete.
Trying to get back into one of the MOST intense places we have ever investigated pic.twitter.com/vGidbWVrym
You're about as gangsta as a turtleneck.
the 70's were a BAD time for paranormal activity
The Little Mermaid is my favorite Disney movie about a 16yr old running away and getting married two days later.
Twitter is like having access to everyone's diary who does acid.
I need a big ol' glass of something purple and fermented. Stat.
I didn't forget your name. I wasn't paying attention when you told me.
Catch our trailer and watch us on #iTunes
I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza.
I've narrowed it down to:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
I could have used an extra 2 or 3 hours of sleep this morning.
Happy Monday boys and girls.....I'm thankful for ALL OF YOU!
“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” -Stephen king
Guy: She has a certain je ne sais quoi.
Me: She has nice boobs.
Damn right I'm going to pick a side!!
I'm going with nachos.
I always have a good time with my best friends: Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, and that crazy ass old Captain Morgan!!
One glass of Johnnie Walker deserves another and another and another.......
Father Rob: Haven't seen you in church for a long time. Me: Haven't seen you at Lumpys Bar for a long time: *We are at an impass*
Twitter politics, or sub-politics, are a fascinating sociological phenomenon to which I am, and hope to remain, delightfully oblivious.