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Joe Malunda
"Uhhh what's happening?" -american pharoah, probably
shouts to @Uber drivers who force you to tell them where you're going and cancel on you immediately after
closest thing i've been to a grand slam is almost ordering it at @DennysDiner. shouts to serena. #frenchopenfinal
Minnie Mouse and Hello Kitty got arrested. The mascots had to pull together and have a family meeting.
Retweeted by Joe Malunda
@maloonds @timjhogan @wangersays Joe let us know if we can help with anything else.đź‘Ť
Retweeted by Joe Malunda
shouts to @theodorecaputi for repping @Penn, a school i loved throughout its/my ups and downs:…
"No ipads or Walkmans" -the flight attendant just now
imagine a night where you weren't in a des moines hotel room drinking whiskey and listening to luke bryan
i'm an optimist, the most dangerous kind
"Did she just give priority to the kid wearing a snapback over me, dressed in a suit?" Lmaoooooooo check that privilege
Marvin Gayes "lets get it on" started playing at the airport and the only people who snickered were me and a literal 12 year old boy
Horrible day and I'm spending it in an airport eating a $7 McDonalds biscuit
got home before the storm is everyone happy for me
when did starbucks scones get so bad
who is safarova even
me to my roommate: "so uhh did the landlord say anything about the prescription cough syrup chillin on my desk"
worst thing about spotify is when it decides to play 16 remixes of the same song in a row and you don't realize it until an hour in
kim kardashian please name your baby sxsw
i hope my landlord felt inspired by my dope tigers collection earlier, right before he hammered holes into my wall.
are your hands supposed to uncontrollably shake when you're nervously waiting for someone to respond to a text? asking for a friend.
it's so expensive, what she eats
Summer goals: playing @taylorswift13's "welcome to new york" the second you cross the nj-ny border
Re-tweet my tweet, folks!
Retweeted by Joe Malunda
free idea: uber, but for sriracha
"these drinks aren't very good but i guess they don't have to be"
oh my god. fuck cancer. really hurting for all the grief @VP biden has seen in his life.
messi the new 6 god
"joseph you are so weird" "you are a dork" text messages received within seconds of each other. stop cyberbullying me.
RT @HillaryClinton Welcome to the race, Gov. O'Malley. Looking forward to discussing strong families and communities.
that time julie and i sampled all the gelato flavors and were like "uhm we're good, bye" and left because it was too expensive #tbt
tanktops confuse me because the holes are almost all the same size
Raise your hand if you aren't running for president.
.@thedailybeast's article contains a factual error… I’m actually on level 357 in Candy Crush…
Retweeted by Joe Malunda
my own personal hell is me gradually liking the new maroon 5 song
darren thinking that my shirt is from express smh leave my mentions
*attends your webinar* april fools
this song is not about a girl
first time with panera in years... too salty and the sauce:bread ratio is incredibly off. but it's edible so that's cool i guess.
"I actually have that fifth harmony song on repeat on my spotify"
First thing I do at this happy hour: accidentally walk into the wrong bathroom. Is this Wednesday night senior year?
stoked for my favorite canadian @tiffcrystal getting into med school!! Fun fact: got locked in a science lab closet with her and 10 freshmen
lmao at marvel giving the one asian role in the new "doctor strange" film to a non-asian. is jubilee next or...
not my most awkward google search
can we take the world cup away from qatar, now? most non-surprising article of the year so far:…

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