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Joe Malunda
Shout out to the girl who spilt her chic-fil-a milkshake on herself while walking into the gym for literally doing everything wrong.
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Tweeting because I'm currently alone at this bar and pretending that I'm popular to everyone around me.
I WAS IN BED SLEEPING AND TAYLOR SWIFT BRINGS OUT ALANIS MORISSETTE TO SING A DUET OF "YOU OUGHTA KNOW" WHAT IS MY LIFE TRAJECTORY EVEN
i'm in bed watching netflix which isn't awful but i would rather be at a west coast taylor swift concert singing along to "blank space."
huge 4.9 demo for fear the walking dead premiere; biggest cable premiere in history. easy to forget how iconic walking dead franchise is.
just texted someone who told me she had a text message limit is this 2007
lmao at bush backtracking his inflammatory comments about hispanics by instead saying his comments were about asians dude you're a mess
guys some of your resumes are really bad
When you try deleting a line of CSS:
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these jawns going to church IN THE MIDDLE OF A COMPETITION i simply cannot #greatfoodtruckrace
"When I first met Kevin we were both dating the same girl" lmao
1D news means cowell's gonna prep an insane season of x factor; hyped debuts from tamera and fleur + new albums by little mix, ella, olly.
Hey @realDonaldTrump, what's your position on the new pandas from @NationalZoo? Can they stay?
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@maloonds I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE LISTENING TO MONEY ON MY MIND U CALLED IT
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"They need to find a fifth member replacement so they aren't forced to give Louis solos"
In love with all the micro ux choices used in Google's lollipop, especially with the smooth transitions that still don't waste my time.
Does anyone think global warming is a good thing? I love Lady Gaga. I think she's a really interesting artist.
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"i call photoshop. it's literally impossible to have serratus anterior definition that looks like that." -casual convo with doctor friends
at what point is it unacceptable to say "sorry my place is so messy i just moved"? 3 months? a year?
Maybe you shouldve taken another route for your walk of shame than through the farmers market.
is it still considered "netflix and chill" when you're just watching episodes of parks & recreation by yourself?
a piece of chocolate melted in my messenger bag and i just instinctively licked my finger while trying to clean it help me
I am S C R E A M I N G at Hillary's snap story.
My Uber driver just sing-songed "gotta eat the booty like groceries" to himself before realizing I was in the car with him. I AM HOWLING
when you sneeze so hard you get dizzy for a lil <<<
I. AM. HERE!!!!!!!!! for this new carrie underwood single!!!!!! WHO IS KACEY MUSGRAVES EVEN
omg your vanessa carlton spotify playlist
WHY DO I WATCH FOOD NETWORK AT NIGHT
hbd @maloonds special bday tweet for you xoxo 💁🍕🎂
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for some reason it's tuesday can we all time travel to thursday
hi @Snapchat + @evanspiegel here's a free idea (think nike swoosh) - snapchat groups. thank me later. also can you tell miranda i said hi or
Trump wit that Gaussian blur haircut
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... and the cougars breathe a collective sigh of relief:
WHENEVER I SEE THAT J CREW HAS AN ONLINE SALE I SWEAR THE ONLY THINGS LEFT ARE SHORTS WITH ABSURD INSEAMS
i'm listening to the "house workout" spotify playlist while sitting in a chair typing words
lmao billboard screwed up and lana actually debuted at #51, not #7. they actually thought lana could sell 248k. mess billboard.com/articles/colum…
health playing making time in philly woahhhh magical times at that place
Scott Walker padding his 15-page health care "plan" like it's a term paper.
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18 kids got called Theon?! Did the parents stop watching after the first season?? theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/s…
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finally met my next door neighbor. ... he was high and knocked on my door thinking it was his.
it's the one-year anniversary of my tinder date with a girl who didn't like m83. i still have nightmares. #swipedright
pretty cool that the richest candidate gets the most free press
do you think britney remembers that she formed fifth harmony on the x factor and bullied them the entire season
all i wanna do is netflix by the beach netflix by the beach netflix baby baby bye bye
now watch me tweet now watch me fav fav watch me tweet tweet watch me fav fav
my smoke alarm went off making thin crust pizza so i'm sticking to pan and deep dish from now on.
my perfect weekend is literally everyone leaving me alone




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