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Today I found the guy from "Up" managing a petrol station near Red Fort. True story. pic.twitter.com/cnQ2Ruowrx
He: We Won?
Me: No Son.
He: Why Papa?
Me: Wat Son! pic.twitter.com/IMS4KgzF3x
Trying to get rid of a fly by telling it to bugger off
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
Why are people who have a doctorate called Doctors, but people who have a masters are not called Masters?
If by theory of relativity you mean "drunk time moves twice as fast as sober time" then yes I totally understand the theory of relativity...
Sorry can't ROFL because Mom ne abhi Pocha lagaya hai..
Uncle: bete change do
Kid: nahi hai
Uncle: bhaag yahan se
*brings the change
Why do people call from blocked numbers thinking someone's gonna answer? I don't even answer when I know whose calling.
It’s called being condescending maybe you’ve heard of it :P
What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.
As you get older, it becomes more and more unacceptable to cry and scream in public, despite the reasons for it becoming more & more valid.
That awkward moment when your mom stores your dad's cellphone numbers as 'husband 1' 'husband 2'
Jail at 2.
Bail at 4.
And you said our justice system moves at a snail's pace!
BAIL APPLIED: 3:15 PM
HEARD: 4:00 PM
GRANTED: 4:50 PM
Who said r Judiciary is Slow?
its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside
Are you from north?
Because I just winterfell-in-love with you
Finals coming up
*Begins calculating minimum scores needed to pass*
The best relationships are the ones you never saw coming.
Let the past go and be happy
If I were ever abducted by aliens, the first thing I’d ask is whether they came from a planet where people also deny science.
“And in the end, we were all just humans.. drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”
FITNESS TIP: Never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why stop there? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.
Periods are ridiculous.
I shouldn't be punished for not being pregnant.
BAE: come over
BATMAN: i'm fighting crime
BAE: my parents aren't home
BATMAN: *tears up* same
I thought I was madder.
This is new for me.
Dating is a win-win. If things go well, you eat food and fall in love. If they don't, you still eat food and that's all that really matters.
DATING TIP: Show your crush how in shape you are by literally running away from any kind of commitment or intimacy.
JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games.
The most undying love is the one that never got confessed.
He's a ginger, which would mean he could be a Weasley, but his name's Harry, but he's also a Prince...*head explodes*
Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.
Does anyone remember what not being tired feels like?
Dear time, more weekend please.
I'm at my most Twitter productive when I have to study for upcoming exams.
My childhood just got ruined. :X pic.twitter.com/qoXHQyEuKc
Curiosity is a maddening thing, ain't it?
50 shades of dark circles under my eyes :3
How to save a life ~ The fray
As you grow older, you realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have more alcohol.
Biggest regret is defending someone for so long thinking they're different but then slowly realizing they're exactly how others say they are
Sometimes it is difficult to appreciate life's sense of humour.
Tip : Have low expectations
*Dancing is like dreaming with your feet." ~ Constanze
Chill, buddy. It's just an unfollower. We're Indians, we move on after breakups, JEE results, bomb blasts & stuff like that. You'll be fine.
United by religion. Divided by religion.
I deserve all the praise for everything good that happens and none of the blame for anything bad that happens because I said so and shut up.