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winning the pumpkin carving game forever. seen in williamsburg this weekend. pic.twitter.com/vWxUBaKVGN
When BAE says you can touch the booty. pic.twitter.com/yPM2yzonhU
I would like to thank the people who have inspired me the most in life:
And my gf
...In that order
"Thanx for the Cleveland steamer"
*ferris bueler theme starts playing*
God damn why do all my ex's love running in marathons so much.
Came over to ur girl's place like Swanns food delivery.
Y do I gotta "get that bread" what are we making sandwiches?
The face of jesus that appeared on my French toast this morning just stole yo girl.
Excuse me while I steal ur girl shit my pants steal ur girl worship satan shit my pants and then steal ur girl a third and final time
Wow, aren't you a lovely shade of bitch today?
brb hexing all the fuckboys
I only listen to Sheepmentalitycore
I made the mistake of thinking no one could hear me fart bcuz the Metallica on my headphones was rly loud
Support the Renewable Dad Act for a stronger America
Excuse me while I get that cheddar.
*brings out a party platter of cheddar cheese and crackers*
* All u got 2 do is believe in urself *
I can't get into the douchebag bar scene because nobody talks to anyone because their inner sex beasts have been maimed by the work week
I can't get into raves either because I hate tripping molly and I hate anime
we need to do something about the weezer worship in white dude indie rock
I think the punk scene is overrun w/ nerds because band lore gives them a chance to memorize tons o shit and attract mates with their smarts
I find nothing compelling about indie dude bourgeois soft cock perspective of life or pop punk perspective which is just matured band nerds
I'm a growing baby boy bitch man.
DC is such a sexy city. Everyone is hot and I wanna fuck everything.
Ill blow a snot rocket on ur hotpocket.
I work too god damn hard to not do drugs.
Current bae claims ex bae called current bae a bitch at the club. Ex bae denies. Idk who to believe cause I was tripping on K and give 0 fux
I don't think people are concerned enough that Republicans are about to take control of the Senate and hold 2/3 our government.
Im growing a beard so I can go as jesus for Halloween. I'm going to show up at the party with 8 spacebags of wine.
That wasn't very raven of you
What the fuck are "e-motions" is that some kinda internet thing?
Ayo girl, is u ISIS?
Cause that ass is making me get involved in a long term commitment im not ready for.
Im a Gemini so I know a little bit about a lot of things. Like what rhymes with orange and ur mothers favorite sexual positions.
Girls who start a bubble of trouble talking stuff can eat my corn dogs and lick my Wednesday morning cream corn
YUNG AMERICAN HOTDOG SOCIETY
Dang girl is that ass paint thinner?
Cause I wanna huff and suck on it until I almost lose consciousness and blood comes out of my eyes.
Ive spent the last half hour at work watching videos of a cat in a shark suite riding a roomba.
Some nice guy from Comcast called me with all these special deals so I now have a landline and 22 sports channels.
What could go wrong.
what idiot called them grapes and not wineapples
Ordered a bunch of bondage equipment and 1 snuggie with amazon prime.
Let the day of reckoning begin.