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Mittens
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me: hello 911 theres someone in my house he has a gun please send help right now 911: new phone who dis
Retweeted by Mittens
Hi @daskeyboard I broke one of the flippy things on the back of my keyboard. Where can I get replacements?
can you touch your toes? yes... i have knees
i have 13 people watching me on ebay and 1570 on here... maybe i should sell things here instead
But amateur tractors love him!
One weird trick to become edgy in seconds. Protractors hate him!
.@lifehacker >quit job >??? >profit
YOU KNOW WHAT TWITTER FUCK YOU IM MOVING TO TWITTER
hey css would you mind go fucking yourself ok thanks
maybe i can stylesheet twitter to make the margins bigger
what the fuck .-. that "your tweet was posted" message covers the box to write new stuff im so upset
YOU KN(OPW WHAT TUIMLBR FUCK YOU IM GONNA BURN YOU
*ooh look at me im a motherfuckign deerkin* no you're a fucking autistic retard get the fuck off my planet
[triggerd by word trigger] fucking tumblr...
WHAT THE FUCK TWITTER STOP MOVING THE NEW TWEET BOX
=?shadowcrypt-4ff95cef5a76149b687f7b54908cd2fa168794e214cedf9ee1a5df1dfec13057?w6KOA9n4d1kuVi2/yPDykuVJq6cOGdEoXrwGQzBsVNg4slHn??=
Suppose God can create a stone so heavy he cannot lift it. Does that mean God doesn't even lift? @squeezinpeaches
does anyone know where i put my phone
hands up for steak
im at home eating a sandwich
That's why all the apps with boobies got banned.
I mean... the company's logo *is* a fruit...
Well, that explains how Apple went from Steve Jobs' "4 inches is too big" to the recent "Bigger is better" iPhone 6+ release.
I just wrote the next episode of south park
Kim Jong Un just came out, saying North Korea is most gay, more gay than lowly south Korean companies.
More gay. They just announced they were gay first and they are gayer.
Samsung just announced they're gay aswell.
Tim cook is as straight as the iPhone 6 Plus #TimCook
Maybe now Tim Cook will have the guts to come out and admit that Apple TV isn't really a hobby.
Retweeted by Mittens
Halloween decorations that say e boo la
Is that why apple makes such queer products
holy fucking shit
#OnePlus One will be available for pre-order on October 27! #NeverSettle #PreordertheOne bit.ly/OnePlusPreorder
idk what this guy is singing i dont speak Croatian
oops i turned it into a t perm
i think i almost learned z perm! woo! t perm next
Compression Optimized Vinyard Vines for Jaded Sandwich Enthusiasts.
i tried to open a kissing booth where people spit in my Fucking face instead of kissing me but they eventually started refusing to pay m e
Retweeted by Mittens
*reading e perm algs* uh no thats a z perm alg you idiot *looks a title* o fuck it's a z perm thread
in high school i was voted most likely to have the best eyes