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Old Spice
Believe in robots? Football? See our videos and have your doubts swept away in a flash flood of truth. #4thandTD spr.ly/OSCharles
Show me a man who doesn’t like hot dogs and I’ll show you a cool stuffed frog I picked up in Mexico.
Despite what it might sound like, lug nuts are not a delicious addition to your homemade trail mix.
Slow and steady wins the race, but not as quickly as fast and steady.
Sports tip: If your fantasy football team isn’t doing so well, just fantasize that they’re doing great. #loophole
Don’t ever blame yourself. Blame whoever looks vaguely like you from the back and sides.
Visual acuity and pattern recognition are put to the ultimate test when ordering off the dollar menu in another country.
Robots might not have emotions, but they can still "feel" the beat. amp.twimg.com/v/36eb7bc6-621…
"Titanic" is a great word. Unless we're talking boats, or used in this sentence: “You are a titanic failure.” Those are 2 exceptions.
If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life and that thing had to be hot dogs, what would it be?
Become the hero your neighborhood deserves by creating the first ice cream monster truck.
Does anyone know a REPUTABLE trapdoor salesman smh
Error Message: Too many girlfriends amp.twimg.com/v/ff45730d-247…
If kung fu movies have taught us anything it's that, with strict discipline and training, you can grow really long eyebrow hair.
2013 reported only 17 roundhouse kicks in movies. 1987 reported nearly 2,335. What does that say about contemporary cinema?
The robot-overlord revolt of 2055: Cons—enslaved Pros—free Wi-Fi
Burrito is survived by his friends chips and salsa. #lunch
The easiest way to become bilingual is to grow up speaking two languages.
If you adjust for inflation, a touchdown is only worth 4 points.
If 10,000 hours of practice makes someone an expert, my taquito PhD should be arriving any day now.
Duct tape is great at fixing problems, but so is a backpack full of non-sequential hundred dollar bills.
A banana split is the salad of ice cream foods.
Being “torn” between burritos or pizza is an awful death to endure.
Do you like @drewbrees? Wow! We have so much in common. We should hang out sometime. But watch this first. spr.ly/4thTDBrees #4thandTD
One man’s junk food is another man’s treasure taco.
Fun test! Count how many grains of sand are in this new Old Spice commercial. amp.twimg.com/v/ea8f1814-79c…
After a harsh winter, the 12" North American sub returns upstream.
Ask yourself: Have I kicked enough doors off their hinges this year? #goals
This commercial features an impressive 3-1 lady-to-humanoid ratio. amp.twimg.com/v/375b5189-b39…
Which came first, the chicken salad or the egg salad?
Quick, what is the correct setting on the chainsaw to beat egg whites?
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Especially dinosaur eggs because, man, those things are probably worth a fortune.
Which gaming console do you own? Great! Respond to this and nothing will happen, probably.
FA = float(input("Female Attractiveness")) if FA > 50: print("Hey baby.") else(Eyes Redirect) amp.twimg.com/v/b00bd239-237…
Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky in morning, it’s probably those red curtains you had installed in the yacht.
Selling your soul can be a real headache. Work with a financial advisor to find the evil overlord that fits YOUR needs.
If these walls could talk, I would be looking for a different room to nap in.
PRO TIP: Buy a car (ACTUALLY MORE OF A #LIFEHACK I GUESS)
J3t5k1, hot d0g h0t d0g, c00l guy busin3ss, tran$ac7ion c*mpl3T3 Sl4m d#nK J@M. Y3Ahhhh!!!!!... amp.twimg.com/v/95e31c73-0f6…
Cool shirt. Not you, sorry. That guy behind you.
How many wagons could a chuckwagon chuck if a chuckwagon could chuck wagons?
ALS is a serious disease requiring serious research achieved through seriously freezing water buckets. #strikeoutals amp.twimg.com/v/451f3d03-713…
When you’re buying new wheels for your bicycle, always, ALWAYS go for the round ones.
This new #Madden15 is so real you can feel your father's disappointment when you lose a game.
Each moment is a gift. And each moment is stressful. That’s why they call it the present tense.
If you’re going to buy a sports car, make sure it’s for a sport that you are good at.