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Barack H Obama
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Special thanks to the #IRS for sending over all those tax returns so I can audit conservatives. I love this part of the job! -bo
Just chllin with my Homies at the WH. It's fun creating racial strife in America! As always, thanks to the media for your help. -bo
Watching Titanic tonight --- hey Leo Dicaprio, I'M the King of The World! -bo
Is today a holiday? My staff hasn't rold me yet. -bo
After telling Americans not to go to #LasVegas and spend their money, its great to go to Las Vegas and spend their $
I don't even believe this shit I'm saying. -bo
Smokin some great Columbian weed out back of the WH before my big speech. -bo
I may take up smoking again---but it won't always be tobacco. #WhoCares? -bo
Sometimes I feel like a 10 year old child --- I can do whatever I want, I'm the President! -bo
I missed an easy putt on the 9th green at Congressional CC today. Damn Republicans! -bo
If I never see the results of last nights election, does that mean it really didn't happen? -bo
Was there an election last night? I was busy chummin with the boys out back of the W House last night so I didn't see. -bo
So I hear there's an election coming up. My staff hasn't told me much about it. -bo
Uh oh, this is horrible. It looks like some black folk have figured out that I'm a fraud. Must go golfing now. -bo…
I'm the King of The World! Not that Leo Decrapio kid. -bo
Why is this old man trying to ruin my Party's chances of getting elected in America? We need #VoterFraud to win! -bo
We have completed the investigation on Bowe Bergdahl and his "deserter" status, but we won't tell you results until after the election. -bo
I have made you racist white American Democrats so wracked with White Guilt that you think you deserve Ebola. -bo
I like sending Susan Rice out there just to say crazy shit. She's the best at that! -bo
Don't worry, just because you haven't seen me in awhile, doesn't mean I have Ebola. -bo
I don't think we should stop travel from Ebola Africa because the people there look like me. It is that simple. -bo
Don't worry my Democratic friends, I'm staying indoors and under the covers between now and the elections next month. -bo
If I had a son he would look like that Ebola Guy, Thomas Eric Duncan. -bo
I blame this #ISIL thing on Hillary. Wasn't she the Sec. of State at the time? Either that, or George W. Bush. Take your pick. -bo
I'm bored with this job. -bo
If we had better Intel, I'd know which gold course is best to play today. -bo
Thank you to that #CBS #60Minutes guy (I forget your name) for all the easy questions tonight. #Softballs! -bo
If I had a son he would look like that poor guy who cut that lady's head off in Oklahoma. -bo
Whoever hacked my phone and is now posting my favorite selfie of me on-line is now being monitored by #NSA. -bo
Obama needs to replace Holder with someone even more blindly allegiant and will sacrifice his ethics for his boss. Gotta be Goodell, right?
Retweeted by Barack H Obama
Hopefully I will be long gone from workin in this shitty WH by the time they find all the stuff Holder was covering up for me. -bo
I am crying crocodile tears today over losing Eric "The Red" Holder. Don't worry, the person I replace him with will be just as evil. -bo
What's the big deal everybody...I've only bombed 7 countries since I got my Nobel Peace Prize. -bo
I need another vacation. -bo
I've been busy and haven't noticed, but are our girls back yet? -bo #BringBackOurGirls
Now when we talk abt terrorists religion, we must say the "M" religion, so we don't hurt Muslims. Mormons & Methodists must deal with it -bo
I know those terrorist folks are from some religion that starts with an "M." Methodists, Mormons, Muslims --- not sure which one it is. -bo
Hope you all liked my little speech today. It was great to say such marvelous things about Muslims. -bo
So what if I didn't salute right when I kept that coffee cup in my hand. I was thirsty. -bo #ObamaSalute
Thank you @CBS #CBS and #60Minutes for not totally exposing how horrible my policies have been that have lead to the creation of #ISIL -bo
It's more important to me to send troops to Africa to fight Ebola than it is to send them to protect that border thing south of here. -bo
This is a big country with a lot of moving parts. It's hard for even a Cold Hearted Social Engineer like myself to run it all. -bo
Somebody told me today was a holiday. I don't know that. I would've gone golfing had I known. Damn! What holiday did I miss? -bo
I am a "citizen of the world" and there is "no world order of nations." -bo
Yes, it's more important that I protect Africans from Ebola than I protect America from foreign invasion from the south, or terrorism. -bo
I promised NO BOOTS on the ground in Iraq --- so I am now issuing these Camo Nikes. -bo
I spend more time with my strategy on my Fantasy Football team than I do with my strategy on #ISIL. I'm the Prez, yo! -bo
Don't worry, if I send troops to fight #ISIL, to keep my promise their boots will not touch the ground. I will get them Nike golf shoes. -bo