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Mohammed Nouf™
if I say I’m into you, I actually am. trust me, I wouldn’t waste my time on just anyone.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Sorry I can’t hangout, my phone is only at 61%.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I want to refresh my mind, clear all my problems and just have fun with life.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Sarcasm: The brain's natural defense against the less intelligent.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Tequila probably won’t fix your problems, but it’s worth a shot.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Leave the day-drinking to the professionals.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Just because something isn’t happening for you right now, don’t mean that it will never happen.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding".
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Say "Eye". Spell "Map". Then say "Ness".
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Every so often, I try to masterbate a large word into a sentence even if im not sure what it means.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Friends who drink together, stay together.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Periods are ridiculous. Females shouldn't be punished for not being pregnant.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I want to be the reason why you look down at your phone, smile and then walk into a pole
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Its funny how most people love the dead, once youre dead your made for life.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
If you want to know what happens after we die, read over my shoulder with food in your mouth.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse will be pretending I’m not excited.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I don't mind your weirdness, as long as it's compatible with mine.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Beauty comes from within. From within bottles, jars, tubes, compacts...
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I text differently depending on who the person is.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
If she cheated with you, she’ll cheat on you.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Relationships require stamina.... Hang in there.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent
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Neck kisses were your favourite*
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Cleaning the whole house again. Going to make sure the vacuum is plugged in this time.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
When a secretary at Apple was late because of car trouble, Steve Jobs gave her a Jaguar and said, "Don't be late anymore."
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
When the stupid things they say start sounding cute... You know you're screwed....
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
My wife told me, "Smart men make great husbands!” I said, "Smart men don't get married!"
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Thought a guy was cute then saw his bio that said he's a communist and a feminist. 😂😂😂
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I just had the best pick up line some girl said she just lost all her pennies I was like you're a dime though 💪
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Actually... no. You don't have to like something or someone to exploit it. I changed my mind about the "gemness" of that tweet. Lol.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Please don't get a boner. Please don't get a boner. Please don't get a boner..... -me, hugging my crying wife
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I wanna do dirty stuff with u like farming
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Forrest Gumps email password: ~1forrest1
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
7 billion people and she only wants attention from you... Be worth it
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision...
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The most beautiful people have the ugliest scars.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Doctor: are you sexually active? Me: why, what have you heard?
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I had your Avi opened up on my work desktop, my laptop, my work cell, and my personal cell... Now my boss thinks you are my wife. That's OK.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™