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Mohammed Nouf™
Fact: Once you've hit puberty, you have no business trying to hang upside down on anything at the park.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Hi, yes. I'd like to sign up for the drinking and debauchery, please.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I'd rather be an outlaw than an in-law.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Rustic is a way of saying something looks like shit but everyone's ok with it.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I got the nastiest blister on my toe, wanna see it? Not right now? Yeah I guess there's a pretty long line behind me, what's my total again?
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I just saw the maintenance guy moonwalking, so I know today is going to be great.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
*slowly and deliberately removes left ear bud* *slowly and deliberately removes right ear bud* No, Phil. You're not bothering me at all.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
If it wasn’t for 911 operators I wouldn’t have any friends at all.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Guess it's time to get dressed and go make some bad decisions.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
No. Please. Stop. Don't karate chop me. I'm too cute to die this way.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I'll give the grim reaper my death stare, idgaf..
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Relationship status: I'm watching tennis at 2:30am on a Saturday
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Every time I'm lying down and I feel an itch on my leg, I automatically assume that my bed has been infested with spiders.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Fires tanks in the streets. Fires blanks in the sheets. - Going Infertile (G.I.) Joe
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
When life hands you lemmings, make for the exit. Let those lacking any form of originality mindlessly follow each other off a fucking cliff.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I'm sorry I slipped and fell when I tried to walk a mile in your shoes, but there was so much bullshit in the treads, I lost traction.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Not enough dishes to fill up dishwasher. Had to wash three cups and a fork by hand This must be what it felt like to live in the old west
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I had a political opinion once, then I bought a kit from the store and burnt it off.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I have a short attention span, give me the good news first.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
*Takes a nap *Misses everything
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Ah crap, I set my ambitions down and forget where I put them, again.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
You could share it all with me, mi casa es su 1 bedroom apartment.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Last night I was followed by six porn accounts and two follow back people. BLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCKBLOCK
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
So drinking straight from the bottle will get you kicked out of the Duty Free store. The more you know.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
A pregnant lady just walked by and my brain pointed and said, "Ha ha."
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I'll never eat that much again until the next time.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Relationship status: jerking off with an electric blanket wrapped around my dick for the warmth
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I have to leave the house twice today. TWICE.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
I went bird watching late last night and actually spotted an owl buying crack.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Do you even take her out in the paddle boat, bro?
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The key to happiness is low expectations. No, lower...even lower...there ya go.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The thing I like about you most is that you blocked me.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
There is no other high, than to teach someone how to laugh again.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Your avi has been put in quarantine until further notice.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Someone on Twitter just "unblocked" me. Now I'm favoriting all their tweets & freaking them out so they can block me again. *giggles*
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
You Hijacked My World & Left Me Helpless
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
My Angel Wears Her Halo Around Her Hips
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How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Maybe if we didn't have laundry rooms, we wouldn't have laundry
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Sometimes it takes ugly people to bring out the ugliness in us that we didn't know existed.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
It's like 10,000 excuses when all you need is an apology.
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
The perfect man is one who fills my heart with love and my head with dirty thoughts
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Some decisions are just too hard to make... Like which pair panties I will wear when we meet, knowing they won't come home in one piece
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
do u ever just wanna sit outside with someone and talk all night?
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. - Aristotle
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™
You're the only one I want, nobody else. ❤️
Retweeted by Mohammed Nouf™